My Childhood that never Existed Part 1

Youth was something I've never experienced. Dreams were something so fleeting that I've never remembered. Days went on endlessly and dusks came like neverending waves. To say I lived was not a lie, but to say I was dead wasn't a lie either.

It's not that I've experienced any traumatic events like many have, it's just that I've seen to many to feel sorry for them anymore. I've seen too much evil to even smile anymore. And when rage brought hurt and death then you'd be too scared to get angry. But then, if being scared made you useless and powerless then you don't see the point in being scared, right?

And love brought nothing but hurt, hate brought nothing but evil. Laughter is a form of mockery and praises are just sung to lull one to rising too high so that they could stomp on you when you fall too low. Tears are there to acquire pity so that someone will love you and when love is received, it's burned and thrown into the wind as they want to find better.

I've seen many things and so I've forgotten to see, but how can I see when darkness is all I'm allowed to see?

Since young, misery has plagued my sleep. A mother's sudden courage as they watch their child stolen from right in front of them, a fathers deathly wail as he watches his child die, unable to to do anything. A child's stream of tears as their parents are taken away, or that confused look in their eyes when they never come back. I've seen parents leave their child in the scums, I've seen as children stab their parents in the back. When a parent does everything they can but it's never enough for their child or vice versa.

When a lover dies protecting their beloved, but the person she or he loves never loved him back, I've seen that as well. Or two lovers separated by society. 'Till death do us part is what they say and what they say is always true for until the death of their love will they part.

I've seen much cruelty like a child not even 10 be tortured to death, I've seen it all. I've seen the souls so black that you'd never believe they were once pure. A dog being kicked to death for the simple reason that they were mutts.

So many things happen right before my eyes, and perhaps I wanted to help in the beginning. But times change, for now I can only watch heartlessly for what else can I do? That's all I am allowed to do, after all. Even if it wasn't, I've long lost the heart to help.