What Differentiates Us

"Would you teach me?"

He shook his finger, "no you will have to teach yourself, that's the only way. However, I can help you on your first steps."

"That's good enough for me," I told him.

"Alright, which philosophy do you plan on following?"

"Huh, can't I make my own," I asked, perplexed.

"Of course not, what the hell are you talking about. You need to find a philosophy you agree with and then take piece of it. If you take a proverb, you may even be able to use it as a chant. It will definitely help you get started."

My shoulders dropped, "okay, what preexisting ones do we have?"

"Well in our country, there are three main ones," he raised one finger, "first, you could follow the church's teachings. It has been around for the longest. They are righteous and benevolent."

Alright next, I screamed in my mind.

He raised another finger, forming a two, "you could also follow the kings teachings. It has not been around for long, but it is quite popular. I personally find it too dominating, though."

That sounded better, but I had to hear a bit more about it, before I could make up my mind.

"Lastly," he raised one more finger, "there's been an ancient organization that has set their roots here. It is an unorthodox one, but the philosophy is quite good. They follow the idea of equivalent exchange."

That was alright too.

I asked him, "could you explain a bit more about the last two?"

He was caught offguard by my question and retracted his hand, "are you sure Agnes? The church's teaching may be unflexible, but they allow for the most improvement. If you were to follow gods light, you will surely gain protical abilities and your path will be a righteous one, full of justice and heroism. You will definetly find meaning in life by devoting yourself to god."

Yes, that was my problem. And I wasn't really a religious person. Even less in a world I didn't know anything about.

He still tried to convince me, "I also follow their doctrine, it has helped me a lot in my life."

"I apologize, but I don't think that it would suit me."

"Vera," he shouted, "help me convince that girl."

"Huh," she flinched and then pointed at herself, "me? Even if you say that. There's not much I could do. Rather it would not be wise to push a philosophy onto an unwilling participant."

He sighed, "these young ones these days possess no virtue."

She slightly stuck out her tongue, saying that it couldn't be helped.

"Alright I will explain the kings philosophy to you, but I would not advise you to choose that one, it was made by the king himself and since it is so young, it is still unstable."

"What, but you just told me that I couldn't make my own philosophy. How come he could then?"

"I'm just saying that you couldn't, that didn't mean that it would also apply to others. Obviously, philosophies had to start from somewhere. The king is on another level intellectually. It would be best if you do not compare yourself to him, or you might just go mad."

I pouted and threw out my fists, "unfair, that's unfair."

"In this world we can't just have everything," he patted my head, "anyways, the kings philosophy," he returned to the original topic, "it deals with aggression and non-aggression. With what defines a monarch and what defines a slave. If not by oppression, how would anyone have the roles they have. It deems us humans as equal and that we should fight as equals. The winner then takes from the loser. I do not understand what the followers find alluring behind such a philosophy," he rubbed his head as if irritated, "for some reason the magic that comes from that always ends in something weird. Like manipulating games and gambling."

That was something I could get behind. At least it was better than becoming a devout believer. Still, I felt there were some parts which were lacking. Ultimately, I could not make a decision without further research.

"Lastly, we have the ancient philosophy. If you must, I'd recommend you this one. Although I hate to admit it, their history is on par with the churches," he told me, "I don't know a lot about it, but their philosophy revolves around permutation. Whether spiritually or worldly they find their meaning in life by turning the impure, diseased objects into perfect, everlasting ones. I guess in that aspect, they resemble the church. Those who follow their teachings will often be associated with nature or karmic magic."

That sounded a lot like alchemy, maybe it even was alchemy.

"Where those all?"

"There are others, but most are too small or too unstable to be even worth considering."

"I see."

Yes, how do I say it. I didn't feel it. I didn't agree with any of them.

I could not just simply adopt some random philosophy. That would destroy what made me who I am.

In this world where I had nothing but myself, that would be the only thing I couldn't give up on. It was like asking me to commit suicide.

"So Agnes, have you made up your mind?"

I pondered, "maybe I will wait for now. Since I'm only 15, I still have time."

There's no way I could ever choose any of these philosophies. But I did not want to give up on magic either. I needed some time to think.

"That is a good decision, you should not rush these things," he nodded. Vera too, gave me a thumbs up.

"I have nothing more that I would like to know. I'm satisfied with this session," I said.

"I'm glad I was able to help," he added, "oh, two more things. First of all, when you search for philosophies, do not mind if they don't fit you perfectly, that is the case for almost all magicians. Part of learning magic is integrating it into your life. Secondly, when you finally find your philosophy beware of others. You choosing one, meant that you disagree with all the others. Most won't mind, but every once in a while, it may lead to disputes, and worst case scenario, magical debates."

I bowed, "I appreciate your concern. I will keep these points in mind."

"Do you find all these rules overwhelming," he watched me and smiled.

"I, uh," I stuttered.

"It's alright if you do. Feel free to learn them by yourself and witness them. If there's one thing I learned all these years, it's that magic has no rules," he laughed, "what you experience will definitely be different than what I did. Find out yourself where the limit lies, if any at all. Learning more about it is like exploring. Like an adventure, a journey. Magic is based on your life choices, that's all there is," he stretched his arms out, as if inviting the world, "that's the only thing you have to keep in mind. It's mysterious, unfathomable, enigmatic. But that is why it is so enchanting. If you ever lose your way on your search. Remember that sentence, it will be your compass."

He was right, there was still a lot I did not know.

To be quite honest, his explanation made me lose some motivation. It was unlike what Seraph explained to me, lacking the fantastical feel. Instead, the magic my grandfather expressed, was systematic. Cumbersome even. Too many restrictions, not romantic at all.

But I got it now. What he had shown me was not true for everyone. No one really understood what exactly magic or Alterea was.

If I wanted it to be rigid, then it would be. If I wanted it to be free flowing, it also would be.

All that I had to keep in mind was. Magic is philosophy. It is to alter the physical world by spiritual means, hence the word Alterea.

"Yes, grandfather. I have understood."

"That's good. It's gotten cold, let us return," he waved his hand, and without waiting, returned to his room.

Vera and I shortly did too. As there was nothing more to do, I excused myself and left my grandfather directly. He was occupied with writing a letter to the king and thus did not stop me. It would take some time until the matter had been confirmed, so I should make myself comfortable in the meanwhile, is what he said.

"That was really interesting, was it not," Vera stated while we walked away.

"Indeed so."

"Would you like to accompany me on a walk," she suddenly requested.

I didn't see why not, so I readily agreed. We stayed within the mansion, but it was big enough to pleasantly stroll around. I made it my mission not to be led around by her, which is why we walked side by side.

At the beginning no one said anything, as we didn't know what there was to talk about, but after getting a bit more comfortable, I decided to ask a question.

"Vera, who are you?"

She smiled innocently, "hello, I'm obviously a maid am I not?"

"Hmm," I gave her a questioning gaze, "whatever, suit yourself if you don't want to tell me," I turned away, "but don't think I'll tell you what you want either."

"Come on, stop sulking. You will find out sooner or later anyways. I promise."

"Oh, you promise," I faced her again, revealing a grin.

Vera stopped, "wait I take that back."

"Great, that's the second one. You do like collecting these, don't you?"

She sighed, "you really are a cunning fox."

"Not at all, I just like to keep track of things."

"Isn't that exactly what a fox does?"

"Well, I guess you are right then."

She stopped and loooked at me, "you know what else a fox does?"

"No, not really."

"They lie a lot," she smiled at me.

I laughed and threw my hands up, "I doubt an animal could actually lie."

"Why not," Vera said, "if we humans can, why shouldn't animals be able too either?"

We resumed walking again.

"I wonder. If anything, all a fox could do was trick another fox. There's no point in discussing what they could do, as they pose no threat to us, in that regard," I told her.

"I agree," she said, "but would it not be interesting if one day, it was not only humans who stood at the top of the foodchain, but also animals," she then added, "of course, that idea is only a fantasy."

"If such was the case, I think it would be because we as humans failed, not the other way around."

"How would we fail?"

"Don't you think we humans are not that different from those animals?"

"No, not really. I believe we humans have something which distinguishes us from the other species," she reached her arms out, her eyes enamored by her thoughts, "we have the ability to think critically. We humans have our philosophies, and also our magic that guides us."

"Then do you think those who cannot do such a thing are no humans," I asked quizzedly.

She paused, and before she was able to explain herself I told her, "It's not a big deal if you did. That just meant we had the same mindset. People who couldn't think for themselves were in all regards just animals. So naturally, they should stay in their lane."

"But, but," she stuttered, "then what about magicians? Does the majority not follow philosophies made by others? Are they also animals in your view?"

"Sounds to me like they are. What's the point of doing anything, if you do not understand your actions? Well, they are still better than most, as they merely adopt those ideals. Which way they go is still up to them," I waved my hand, "or at least that's what my grandfather said."

Vera stared at me wide-eyed, "it couldn't be," she uttered, "are you thinking of carving your own philosophy?"

I only shrugged my shoulders, "Who knows," I replied, "I just think of myself as a human. That's all."

Dumbfounded by my words Vera stood frozen in place. Only when I jerked her, did she return to her senses and continued walking.