1/2 Regret

"Wa—wait, Agnes, take me with you!"

I searched for where the voice came from and I saw the boy Zeid scraping through the crowds, his little arms pushing through the grown ups. He sped up, but every time he did, he stopped to gasp for breath immediately. Only when he broke through the waves of people, could he confidently look me in my eyes and repeat:

"Take me with you!"

"Sorry, I only like little girls." I brushed him off. "That sounded way worse than I initially anticipated."

"I will find my sister then, just let us follow you. We can wash your dishes, do your laundry, cook your food—anything you need," he pleaded.

"I currently am not in need of a pet. I already have one." I walked away, much to his dismay. Before I completely vanished, I told him, "take care of your mother first. Afterward, if we ever meet again I might change my mind."

Although that depended on if he was still willing to follow me by then.

He stood still and shouted far from me: "Do you promise?"

"Hey now, don't put so much pressure on me." I joked, and disappeared from his eyes. He remained at his spot, his thoughts unclear.

-

I knocked on the door. "Raya, say 'I love you' if you are there."

Contrary to all expectations, she did not answer my call. I knocked again, this time harder. If she didn't reply, I would break through that flimsy door, and carry her out myself.

"What is it," she called out, listless and annoyed.

I counted in my head. If I was correct, there were still two days left until 'the day of the Lord', or the day I would receive my title from the king. I also remembered it would take roughly a day for us to arrive at the capital.

"We are leaving now," I told her.

Ther was a short silence, before I saw the knob shyly turning and the creaking door opening, just enough for a small slit to appear. Raya shone through, like the gleaming light that shone especially bright today, creating a tasteful contrast between her and the room—her face veiled in the shadow, meekly appearing, only teasing us with her eye and some black hair.

"Really?"

"No I'm lying. Dumbass, don't ask stupid questions."

She slammed the door open and asked, "why are you like this?" The girl pouted and I realized her eyes were slightly red but I decided not to call her out on that. Her eye bags had deepened and her clothes were creased. I straightened her disheveled hair with great difficulty, by running my fingers through the loose strands, patting them down as I went.

"Let's go," I said.

I took her hand and we left the inn. One more time, I stared at the door, and I sighed for I could no longer enjoy the soup. However, when I stared at Raya, and I knew that having her around was a bit more important, I managed to suppress my regrets.

-

The day was a warm one, perfect for traveling.

"We meet again, my age old enemy," I said, my tone grave.

"Agnes, that's a horse. It doesn't understand you," Raya replied, she returned to her usual state—her eyes burning with cute anger, every time she looked at me.

"That's what they want you to think."

She rolled her eyes and said, "whatever."

Soon enough, Raya jumped on its back. The white horse struggled for a few seconds, but Raya skillfully grasped the reins and calmed it down. The horse made whatever noise a horse usually made, before it rested, ready for an expedition. The animal then raised its head high, kicking its feet, as it was swiftly tamed by Rayas skills.

All that remained was for me to also hop on. I couldn't muster the courage, thus I inadvertently backed off, and muttered, "I am strongly regretting my decision to use a horse."

"Where did you get it anyway?"

"A lovable friend donated it after I beat him in a competition."

"Then you shan't reject his goodwill, don't you think?"

I gritted my teeth, swallowed my fear, and squeezed through my lips, "All right."

With great hesitation, I jumped, taking several tries, and by the third time, I landed on my belly right behind Raya and pulled myself up. I struggled, wriggling around like a salt fish and grasped Rayas clothes. I saw it on her face, the serious conflict on whether she should just throw me down, but she thankfully decided otherwise. By the time I reached the top, I felt my breath turning unstable, but I would never admit it among company.

"To the capital it is then," I said, and simultaneously, I wrapped my hands around Rayas slim waist (since she sat at the front), while she lead the way. Her back seemed extraordinarily valiant on that day.

-

"Agnes, do you mind if I asked you a question?"

"Yes, I do." I rubbed my sore neck.

"Huh?" Raya turned around, appearing confused.

I told her, "Sorry, I am feeling particularly cheeky today."

I hugged her tighter, while the horse silently and steadily galloped across the horizon, every step it took, hopefully closer to the capital. Raya led the horse, well versed with its mechanics, while I supplied her with all my support.

"You are holding me too hard."

"I digress, there's never a 'too hard' when it comes to you."

"You are being rather annoying today," she groaned.

I rested my head on her back. "I had a rough morning, cut me some slack."

"What could have possibly happened in that short amount of time?" She scoffed.

"All right, you got me. I just want to fondle you," I told her and placed my hands on her head.

"Hey, you are going to ruin my hair," she shouted and accidently pulled on the reins, causing the horse to toss its head and jump in the air.

I quickly took my hands back and grabbed her chest, my fingers sinking deep into her supple breast as I shouted, "watch out! Watch out!" I strenghtened my grip.

"It's you that should watch out, lady," she replied me while trying to shake my hands off. The horse jerked around, growing more erratic, the more Raya and I bickered.

"If I am dying, I will haunt you back as a ghost, you hear me?" The color on my face drained as I felt the balance tipping away from me. "Stay still!"

Urged by my command, she had no other choice but to abide. Her will moved against her body, a lot more fluent than the first few times I gave her an order too. She rested her hands, and the horse followed soon after, an action that depicted the hierarchy of us three.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Good girl."

She looked at me, and while she wanted to berate me like always, she stopped as she saw my eyes and the gentle smile I gave her. I was unsure what she had thought of, but the girl only pursed her lips and then faithfully swallowed her anger.

"Only for today, all right," she said and the horse galloped away again, while the sun slowly descended behind us, creating a hazy backdrop in front of us. I silently slipped my hand into her cleavage, she sneered, but ultimately did not stop me. The feeling of

her soft skin soothed my tired mind.

-

Another night arrived in this world.

"Do you think we should arrange a camp in this forest?"

"Absolutely not," I replied resolutely.

"Why not," she asked me, quite shocked by my decisive answer. Her eyes darted around. It was hard to see in the darkness. Anything behind the first line of trees was hidden by the seemingly endless shadows.

"This place is cursed."

"But I am tired," she told me and then leaned into my arms—her head on my chest—placing all her weight on me, "I feel like my eyelids are two blocks of iron." She looked upwards, facing me with her big, beady eyes, anticipating my answer.

I groaned, and then sighed deeply. "Okay, let's switch places then." I carefully got off the horse. As expected, my legs had fallen asleep, and I almost slipped, had I not been prepared.

"What do you mean?"

"I have memorized the route to the capital, so leave the rest to me. You can just try falling asleep while I ride the horse."

"Fine then," she jumped off and gracefully landed on the ground. "You still remember how to ride a horse, right?"

More like I never learned it. However, the whole time, I had remembered Rayas movements, and it couldn't be that hard, right?

"Relax, when have I ever disappointed you?"

She stared at me with dubious eyes. "Is that sarcasm?"

"Less talking, more switching, come on. Time is of the essence, my dear."

I jumped atop the horse (not before taking several tries, of course) and gripped the reins. Raya followed right after. This time, it was her who hugged my waist, while I concentrated on the horse. I saw it had deep dark eyes and its blond mane had been groomed carefully by its previous owner. Maybe if I stroked it, would the horse behave more docile, I wondered. Ah, the thought was making me nervous.

"Eyes on the road, not the horse." Raya reminded me. "Also, don't slouch."

I straightened my back. "Sorry."

"Don't grip the reins so hard and keep your hands at hip level. Why are you tightening your legs, do you wish to kill the horse? Hey, are you holding your breath?" She shot one complaint after another. As her mouth was close to my ear, the instructions drilled right into my brain. "I am beginning to think this is a bad idea. Ah whatever, I am too tired to care. As long as we arrive alive."

Raya sighed before she placed her head on my shoulder. Her grip around my waist slightly loosened and slid down. She had fallen asleep.

I raised my head to look at the moon. I offered a silent prayer and the horse began moving again.

-

By the time Raya woke up, the sun had long returned. She yawned and then stretched her arms out. "How far are we?"

"Hard to say, but it shouldn't take too long anymore."

"That is good." She placed her head on my shoulder again, and once more, she went back to sleep.

-

"Raya, Raya, wake up." I turned around and shook her.

"Umph, uhh," she let out some inexplicable noises, before her eyelids batted open. "What, are we there?"

"No, we aren't," I told her and wiped the drool off her mouth, "but I have to pee."

"Wha~." She blinked while still in a groggy state. A listless Raya was cute too. After a few seconds she seemed to have realized what I said, as she threw her hands into the air. "What, go then! Why are you announcing your business?" Her face reddened.

"I would, but you were like an oyster clamping down on me." I got of the horse and went towards the nearby tree and hid myself. The grass rustled as I lifted my dress. The cozy wind lightly caressed me, and I shivered from the freedom I felt.

"what's taking so long," Raya shouted from afar.

"Shut up, I haven't gotten used to this yet," I replied as I squatted down.

After a few minutes of silence, all she managed to reply was, "what the hell does that mean?"

-

The journey continued, with Raya sitting behind me. I asked her if she wanted to take over, but she didn't feel like it.

"Oh, I can see something," I said.

Raya immediately perked up, and she gazed over my shoulder. In front of us, there was a grandiose city wall, which the D'Anelé household and the nameless town could not compare to, supported by a sturdy gatehouse. Round towers, each higher than the other stood like guardians at the entrance.

Raya's eyes glimmered with childlike innocence. "Uwah, that's definitely the capital. Even if it has been ages since I have been there, there's no way I would forget its magnificence."

"Yes, indeed," a halfhearted reply was all I could give her, "I am back."

I gulped once. This was the place I started my second life—the place I became Agnes. Now, after some ups and downs, I had returned.

I counted the days in my head. I realized, tonight was the night I would receive my title.

An indescribable excitement sent small tingling sensations from the top of my head, down to my little toes. I could not help but smile from the familiar, yet unfamiliar picture in front of me. It was also the second part of Agnes' miserable life.

They told her she was ugly. They told her she was weak. They told her she was an idiot. They told her she was not worthy of the third prince.

Simply thinking about the endless derision made my cheeks flushed.

I will clear her regrets in the capital, just as I had cleared her regrets at the household.

And then, she and I—Agnes Maria—could finally be truly free from all the shackles of the past.

I would love to see who dared to stop me.