Memories (2)

"Kim Nayoung, are you really going to sleep right now?" Nayoung's mother yelled.

I dreamt of days where I could get a solid amount of sleep. I did not care whether it would only 6 hours. It would be better than the constant 3-4 hours of sleep I got per day.

The current unemployment rate in Seoul was toppling the past records. More youth were being unemployed even if they came out from the top universities in the country.

If you were not in the top ranks in your graduating class in your university, then you would definitely not be employed in big companies such as Pineapple or Langsung.

If you could not get into a top university, then there was no chance that you would even get a 'comfortable' office job in this society.

This was why there was fierce competition in this land called 'Seoul' to get into the top universities in this country.

There were a limited amount of spots and only the best of the best could get in. My friends and I named this the miracle 0.000000000001%.

My parents like every other Korean parent would, constantly tried to make me become one of those 0.000000000001% that succeeded.

Everyday I would wake up at 6AM to finish my remaining homework that I was not able to finish last night. At 8AM, I would be at school until 4PM. After that I would go to cram school until 11PM so that I would get good grades on the Korean SATs. It would be finally 11 when I would be able to start my homework. When I really could not take it anymore, I would go to sleep at 2AM.

This was my ordinary weekday that I had to suffer through ever since I entered high school.

Weekends were no better. I had to have good extracurricular activities in order to stand out among the other candidates.

Unfortunately, my mother chose me to play the violin and piano as my activities. Which meant if I wasn't studying, then I was practicing my instruments of hell.

Every time I made a mistake, my teacher would frown awfully alot which was very noticeable with that scrunch on her forehead each time she did it.

"Nayoung! You know other people your age practice much harder," my teacher would scold me.

Every time I got in the lower rankings of my school, my mom would yell, "Do you know how much money we spent on you so far? It's so that you can go to a good university and get a good job. For your future! Do you think only you suffer this way? Every Korean student suffers this way!"

I knew she was right so I didn't refute her and got back to studying.

Right now, it was 12AM. It was unfortunate that my mom caught me almost sleeping on the bed.

"No," I yelled back.

I got up from my bed and gradually made it to my chair.

My mom was getting more anxious about my grades these days because I was in my second year in high school.

I couldn't blame her as a neighbor that lived right next door had a son that was five years older than me.

He went through the same process but could not get accepted into a good university.

Now he worked in a fast food chain while he tried to pay off his school debts.

My mom promised herself that the same thing would not happen to me as she signed me up for more lessons.

I told myself that life would get better after I graduate from high school. That I would look back on these days and say that while it was bad it was worth it.

I opened to the page I last left off in my workbook and started studying again from my normal routine.

Ahhhh. How I wish to sleep for 6 hours per day.

[Stop] I pressed the button.

The film stopped playing as I didn't want to continue seeing this memory of my past life.

I woke up with tears filling up my eyes as I felt devastated that I could barely remember my family's faces all that time.

Instead of finding myself in the theatre room, I found myself laying down on my bed.

Maybe I would have been able to see my entire family in the film if I played the memory on for longer.

My younger sister and my dad weren't even in the memory I was able to see. Did I forget their faces too just like I have almost forgotten my mother's?

My younger sister who lives to eat the desserts I made and my dad who would always bring the family out for his camping trips.

I was glad now that I could clearly remember my mother's face even though it wasn't a good memory.

I tugged my blanket to cover my head as I felt the lights in the room were too blinding to my bruised eyes from the crying.

"Don't look," I told Luke when he tried to check up on me.

I turned away from Luke to attempt to hide my hideous face as I rolled over to my side.

"What did you see?" Luke softly asked me as he sat down on the edge of my bed.

I couldn't tell him I just saw a miserable memory of both of my lives.