Donovan's Past

Lance reappeared in the familiar room where he had been healed. The Castellan was sitting in his plush chair again, with the same glass of wine swirling in his hand. Only, his brows were furrowed as if he was thinking hard about something.

"Master?", said Lance, bowing.

"Sit down, Lance. We need to talk.", said the Castellan, making a chair appear behind Lance.

"Do you know what your mistake was in the mission?", he asked, as soon as Lance sat down.

"Yes. I should have looked for ways to save them instead of jumping in knowing I couldn't do anything.", said Lance, remembering what Donovan had said. He still hadn't had time to think whether he truly felt that this had been a mistake. Right now, he had just regurgitated what he heard.

"No, Lance. Why did you not at least try to think harder for a solution? Your brain went blank when you saw them sinking. All you could think of was living your life knowing that you couldn't do anything for them. Am I right?", asked the Castellan patiently.

Lance thought for a bit. He reflected on what had happened and realized that the Castellan was right. Although he had tried to think of a solution for a bit, he had quickly lost hope. Eventually, his mind had become completely filled with fear.

Yes, fear. Fear of having to live with this image burned into his eyes. Hence, at that moment, he had not hesitated to commit suicide by jumping in.

"We know because we were monitoring your brain waves. You felt fear. And the fear wiped away all thoughts. Why, Lance? You did not feel afraid when you saw the Grey, or when you were getting shot at by the comets. Why did you feel fear then, when your team mates were sinking?", he asked.

"Because I felt like I was letting them down.", said Lance, as tears emerged in his eyes. Till now, the adrenaline of the situation had let him power through without concentrating on his emotions. Now that he got a chance to think about it, he felt that fear and desperation coming back.

"They are my family. I just could not walk away.", he said.

The Castellan leaned back and sighed.

"This is your weakness Lance. You let your emotions get in the way of the mission. What if at that moment, you not jumping would have resulted in thousands or even millions of lives getting saved? You would still have jumped in. Because your fear of what was in front of you blinded everything else.

No man is perfect. One only grows by overcoming one's weakness. It is commendable that we have at least identified yours. Do you know why the always calm Donovan erupted like that in front of you?", he asked.

"No", Lance answered. He had also been puzzled. That man was always known to maintain his calm, no matter the situation.

"Donovan had a team just like you which formed during the Initiation phase. They did not get selected for the EIC, but they worked hard and got into the Expeditionary Corp. On their first mission, Donovan and his team encountered a team of Greys abducting 3000 humans. This was not supposed to happen as they were just new recruits and had only been charged to patrol a very safe location.

The Greys simply threatened to kill his team if Donovan did not do their bidding. They ordered him not to call for help.

Luckily, after 100 of the humans got on board the Grey's spaceship, a Master arrived on the scene and made the Greys flee.

His hesitation cost 100 lives. He has never been able to forgive himself. No matter how many outsiders he killed in the army, that pain always stayed with him. It even resulted in having to disband his team.

He felt fear that his team mates would be killed. And that fear clouded his mind, not letting him call for help immediately."