Till “Red” Do Us Part

Do you see the marshmallows as white as snow? Do you see the poinsettias as red as the setting sun? Do you see those wrapped novelties in colors as delightful as a summer rainbow? Do you see the gorgeous pines lighted up as bright as a thousand stars in the night sky? Well, I am glad you do. Because I don't.

From the time was born, I lived in a world of darkness. I could not see. But I can feel the softness of the marshmallow warmed over fire, smell the faint scent of the poinsettia, hear the laughter of the children unwrapping their gifts, and take solace in the knowledge that the night is not cold and dark, but in reality warm and really bright.

Last year, I wrote to Santa wishing to know what the color "blue" is like. That was my wish because I had never known what the world was like in colors. I knew the word "blue", but I had no idea how blue "looked". I made a small wish because I didn't want to be greedy. So Santa had sent me a fishbowl, saying "blue" is like the coolness of water, like the freedom of the water running down my fingers, and like the relaxed feeling of the fishes swimming in it. That's how I somewhat understood "blue". Today, once again, is Christmas. I have written to Santa once again. This time I wanted to know what "red" is like.

As soon as I got up on the morning of Christmas, I eagerly checked the stockings by my bedside. As expected, it was bulging- there's something with a card in it. I have always loved to read the messages from Santa, so I slowly fingered the letters on it:

"Child, you have great balls to write to me. Since you cannot see, do you feel like you fell from heaven, and therefore thought I was your friend? Ok, let's be friends, little Noah. Enjoy the gift I sent you to celebrate our getting acquainted.- from SATAN"

Who is this "Satan"? Does his name refer to some kind of sun "tan" you get on a "sa"turday? How gross for a guy. Since I don't know him, why would I write to him? Did my letter to Santa get misdelivered or did I make a mistake in what I wrote? Whatever, this was a done deal. There was no way I could time travel to either re-deliver my letter to Santa or rectify my mistake. Let's check Satan's gift; and, oh, since he was kind enough to send me a present, let's not diss his name.

After settling my feelings, I gingerly picked out something round, smooth and a little squishy from the stocking. It has a slight sweet smell, so it feels like something to eat. Yes, chocolates are a common present for Christmas. Especially for two strangers getting acquainted the first time, it seems particularly appropriate and safe as a gift. I throw the ball into my mouth without hesitation.

"Hot, hot, hot, what is this!! What is this horrible heat that numbs my tongue, scalds my throat and burns my stomach??#! Is this what they mean by "red"? Is it seeing "red"? Or is it "red" hot? Or is it burning "red"? Suddenly, I feel like I understand what red is, holy sh*t!"

I ran from my bedroom in a haste, not caring that I bumped into this and that, knocking down several boxes and miscellaneous decorations. I put my mouth under the tap, chugging down several big mouthfuls of cold water. Never have I felt that water was so cool, so free, so relaxing...uh, I mean, so "blue".

A full hour later, I could finally feel my tongue again, the stabbing pain that seemed to tear a hole through my stomach kind of alleviated, and though my voice was still hoarse from the burning feeling, I had gathered enough strength to say "f**k you".

Once back in my bedroom, I picked up my writing utensils. I had to express my gratitude to Satan for this wonderful gift. Carefully straightening out the paper, I boldly wrote:

"Dear Satan,

Thank you for the wonderful present. I feel like I just went to hell and back. Now I can 'see' red and blue. They are my emotions. I feel like I can experience more colors the more deeply I explore my emotions. What is the color of feeling "alive"? Is it green? What is the color of feeling "youthful"? It is pink? Today, you gave me hope to see a world full of colors. Let's stay as friends until 'red' do us part. Please enjoy my return gift.- From Noah."

I then carefully packed for Satan a big slice of Limburger cheese. Even if he doesn't die from the stink, I want him to experience what it is like to "see black". I believe that favors should always be repaid in kind. Most importantly, as my friend, I want him to definitely experience a world of "colors", just like I did. After all, we will stay friends until 'red' do us part. Oh no, when did I start to think so evilly? Was I bedeviled? Is this what they mean by painting sins in the colors of virtue? Holy sh*t!!! Dear Santa, I lost my way and became a bad child! (but please don't skimp on my gift next year!)