Introspection

I was taking my time, walking slowly through the woods back towards the village. My thoughts were in disarray, and I felt like I must get things in order sooner rather than later. The most important topic was obvious, but every time I intended to investigate it, I ended up panicking too much that I decided to deal with the secondary issue first.

What the hell was up with that dragon? That entire meeting was too contradictory. Besides the pressure that it emitted, nothing about Qokirath felt right. I didn't know the level of other gods or dragons, so I couldn't compare her to others, but considering that her name wasn't mentioned in any of the temple's books, she's either a new or minor god.

Then there was her attitude. She tried to be forceful, but in the end, even my blumbering approach seemed to handle her not too horribly. It didn't feel right, for a dragon to accept it. It could be that my Social Manipulation skill helped me there somewhat, but it was only level 16, so I doubted that it was enough to completely pull me through.

Perhaps… She was not used to social interactions? I wondered about that. She is the Goddess of the Deep, so perhaps she lived in solitude for a long time? If gods in this world were simply mortal beings that gained great power and a domain, it would explain why her personality was rather weak. Being strong did not necessary mean that one would have a strong personality as well.

Then there was another issue. She was obviously not in that cave willingly, nor would such a powerful being choose to claim newborn kobolds as their servants, and not even bother protecting them. Qokirath was embarrassed when I asked her why she was in the cave… Did that mean she was forced away from her domain?

That would mean she was in the cave to recuperate from the damage she had taken during the struggle? That could be it… While she did not have any task for me at the time, perhaps she is waiting for information about something that would help her recover, and use me then? Normally, quests would advance to the next step quickly, a complete stop was rare unless the quest failed. To have an unknown time or level requirement is rare, as usually the player would at least know how much to wait or how strong they need to be.

There wasn't much I could do about Qokirath at the moment, and I doubted I could find much information about her circumstances in the village. Perhaps there will be some information in Highgate.

Then the main topic is… No, there's more before that.

I'm going to leave in a month, so I should prepare! That's right… Well, there isn't a lot I need to personally prepare, but there is a serious thing I need to consider. Sooner or later, the scale of events is bound to grow. I might even need to lead many troops to battle a demon king or something of the sorts! My two blessings are quite fitting for military operations. One allows for easy transport of supplies, the other strengthens troops and inspires loyalty in them, at least once it levels up – or so I believe.

I was still unsure about that route, as I felt really awkward at the thought of leading a large force, but I was almost certain that sooner or later I will have to gather companions. A hero must have a party, I think. While I don't need anything to survive, I should prepare the necessities. Food and shelter are a must, and I should invest in some comfort and luxury so that nobody can complain that the hero is a cheapskate.

I decided to build several houses of varying sizes that I would store in my inventory. That way I could accommodate members of my party regardless of its size! I should probably improve the two magics that I've neglected so far: Manipulation and Negation. The former should allow me to cast an illusion on the house to hide it, while the latter will allow me to cast a protective barrier. If my Dimension magic increases, I might be able to create a house that's bigger on the inside.

Those three combined would allow me to make my own TARDIS! Though an illusion of a police box would make it more conspicuous, not less… Well, the TARDIS was always conspicuous, I guess, but my Manipulation magic will need to be pretty strong in order to make something odd blend in.

Is there anything else I need to consider? Really, anything at all… I just want to delay the inevitable, is that so wrong?

With a sigh, I opened my inventory menu, where what I thought to be a 5-year-old male body to be. My body hasn't aged at all in those 8 years, only becoming healthier shortly after I took over. It truly was androgynous, but I simply have not considered that I might not be a male. Normally, it would become obvious early on – I would have gone to the bathroom or taken a shower… But those weren't needed for my body, so it never happened.

It's also not just that I didn't feel that I need to check my body, but it also felt wrong. I was much older than the body, so stripping a young child without reason was too perverted even for me. Now… There was no choice. The system allowed me to preview any changes to the equipment before making it real, so I didn't have to be naked in the forest at least…

Ah…

So it's true…

It's really gone, huh?

It's not because I haven't used it in eight years, right?

What the hell?! Even if I didn't see it, others must have known! Why didn't I hear anyone refer to me as a girl before, or talk about me with female pronouns?! That's just insane! I scanned through the transcription logs, checking to see if I somehow missed it. It saved every word of every conversation that I heard ever since coming here…

Huh… I'm wrong? People did mention it. It's just that… They're NPCs, and I never really listened to them. Those were all background noises to me, who would care about a character that would never influence the story, only there so that the scenery isn't completely empty?

I could only blame myself for not finding out sooner, but it didn't change the situation. So… I'm not a man in this life? Then… Well, what does that change?

First, since awakened people can have children from same-sex relations, that meant that there are no negative social aspects from doing so. I won't have any issues with society if I pursue only women… But…

Yup, my mind is too perverted. Am I fit to be a female hero? The first thing I thought about is exploring the pleasures of a woman's body! If I dwell on it too deeply, I'll become a total slut! It's not like I was gay in my previous world, and even now thinking about male companionship did not excite me at all. But… Female companionship didn't excite me either.

When I came to this world, I thought that this was my chance to lead a harem lifestyle. With a female body, I could have a reverse harem, or have both… But for the past eight years, I wasn't attracted to anybody whatsoever. Could it be that I, with my perverted mindset, am asexual? Is that even possible?

Since my mental age was over thirty by now, I did not think that my young body is at fault. Even without that, thoughts would have come up… Perhaps I just haven't found anyone that I find attractive? The NPCs in the village had an average and very forgettable appearance. They were truly filler.

I decided to have an open mind. I won't actively chase after either men or women, but I will let things run their course. I was still inclined towards women and felt an aversion to the thought of having sex with a man, but it would also be a lie if I were to say that I'm not curious. Well, there's no point in forcing it, either.

Were there any other issues with my gender changing? Well, I still felt like I'm a male, but that was due to a different society. In this one, especially for awakened individuals, there really weren't many differences between men and women, and with how eccentric adventures were, there weren't many expectations of how one is supposed to be.

After all the panic that I experienced earlier, I felt somewhat foolish now. I realized that not only I didn't feel very strongly about the issue, but I was also somewhat curious. There were other elements that helped alleviate my short identity crisis, so it's not like someone who would experience such a thing in my previous world would be able to be as calm about it…

There was also the fact that most MMORPGs had a cash shop item that would allow completely changing a character's appearance, and it usually included gender as well. It wouldn't be cheap, but I did believe that if I find my current situation unbearable, I'll be able to change back.

My personality changed greatly since I've come here. Some bad traits remained, some appeared, but most changes were for the better. While I still had a few times where my emotions got the better of me, I was much more restrained and calmer compared to how I used to be in the modern world. I'm also way more adaptable, as I would have never accepted my current situation so easily.

It's not like I have much choice at the moment, but still…