Newcomer

I know everyone is looking at me, Frederick thought. I don't fit in anywhere.

"Frederick, would you like to speak?" the chairperson at the AA meeting asked.

"Uh yeah, sure. I'm Frederick. A little about myself, I grew up poor and started drinking at a young age. I just never stopped, but maybe I want to. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic. Are you all sober?" What a dumb question, he thought.

"Thank you, Frederick," the room said in unison.

"Frederick, stick around after the meeting and someone can answer any questions you may have," the chairperson said.

"Ok…" Frederick didn't know how to respond. He wasn't sure if he said the right thing. I want people to like me, he thought. What if they don't? Did I say something wrong? I don't know.

At the end of the meeting, someone came up to Frederick. "I'm Bob," he introduced himself and put his hand out for a handshake.

"Hi," Frederick responded.

"Welcome! What brings you here?"

"I don't know. My boss said I needed to come or he would fire me."

"Well, no one comes in here on a winning streak. Your boss won't fire you for not going to AA meetings. Are you showing up drunk or hung over?" Bob made Frederick simultaneously relieved and worried at the same time.

"How do you know what I do at work?!" Frederick demanded.

"It's more common than you think to have your experience. You're not the first one who showed up drunk to work. In fact, I used to do that when I drank. Eventually, my company had to let me go. It made me angry, but one day I realized it was my fault and I wrote them a letter apologizing for what I did."

"So my boss can fire me?" it was all Frederick cared about.

"For showing up drunk or hungover? Of course!" the blatancy of Bob's statement made Frederick worried again.

"OK, well, nice to meet you. I'm leaving," Frederick cut the conversation short. And never coming back here, he thought.

As Frederick drove home, he thought about what he said at the meeting. I must have sounded like a fool. Why would they call on me like that? I had no idea what to say. My boss is crazy, but I don't want to get fired. His thoughts raced, and he had trouble focusing on what specifically bugged him.

"I'm not going back there," Frederick told his boss the next day. "Everyone there is crazy! This one guy said he used to show up drunk to work! I didn't even know who he was or why he would tell me that."

"There are other meetings you can go to," his boss countered. "I believe you have a problem with drinking. It would benefit you greatly if you started to go to these meetings. Keep in mind you're on your last strike. If you show up hungover again, we're going to have to let you go."

The thought of losing his job again entered Frederick's mind. Why does everyone keep saying I'll get fired? He didn't know the answer to his own question but knew he needed to go to another meeting.

On his lunch break, he looked up a different meeting. Hopefully, no one calls on me this time, he said to himself as he looked up how to get there.

"Frederick, would you like to speak?" the chairperson asked him.

"I really don't know what to say. I can't tell if everyone is lying. How can you all seem so happy with what you have been through?"

"Thank you, Frederick," the group said in unison.

"Stick around after the meeting, and someone can answer any questions you may have," the chairperson offered.

This time, after the meeting was over, Frederick picked up his paper and promptly left. Someone tried to introduce themselves on the way out, but he ignored them. I'm not talking to these guys again.

After a week of going to meetings, his boss demoted him. "I'm doing what you asked!" Frederick implored his superior.

"Unfortunately, I don't see any buy-in from you. I can't afford to have you in a position of responsibility without seeing any changes."

"I've gone to a meeting every day for a week straight!"

"Have you talked to anyone? Have you gotten anyone's number?"

"No! Why do I need to do that? Everyone is crazy! They keep calling on me to speak and I never know what to say. I end up sounded like a fool."

"Just tell them you want to listen."

"You can do that?! Why didn't you say that to me before I left?"

"Next time, get a guy's phone number that you think might be normal."

"Then you'll reinstate me?"

"No, but it's a good start."

Frederick didn't go to a meeting that day. He wanted to spite his boss for demoting him. Instead, he went straight home. One of his old drinking buddies messaged him on Facebook. "Yo! Where you at? Party tonight at my house."

"I'll be there," he replied.

When he arrived at the house party, he noticed how much alcohol his friends bought. There's alcohol everywhere! It worried him. He had work the next day and knew he couldn't drink.

"Fred!! Here you go man, do a shot with me!" his friend offered when he walked in the door.

"Sorry, I can't drink tonight."

"What do you mean? You're acting crazy. It's a house party, emphasis on party. You're here to have fun right?"

"Yeah, I am. I mean, if I drink, I'll get fired."

"Screw your boss man! Get a new job. He can't tell you not to have a good time. It's outside of work."

"No thanks, I'm good."

"Ok man, but you're acting weird."

What do I do? Frederick thought. I don't want to get fired. He didn't know what to do, so he called his boss.

"Is everything alright? I hear loud music, are you at a party?"

"Yeah, but I'm not drinking. I swear."

"OK, if you're not drinking, what are you doing there?" his boss started to interrogate him.

"I thought I could come and have a good time without drinking."

"If I were you, I would leave. This isn't a good idea. Call me when you're on your way home."

"OK," Frederick answered. Maybe my boss is right, I should go.

"Are you leaving already? You just got here," his friend said when he saw Frederick walking to the door.

"Yeah, I don't feel well. I have an upset stomach."

"That's ok man, we have soda water. Make yourself a drink."

"I'm going." This is crazy! I can't lose my job tomorrow.

"Ok, I left and I'm on my way home," Frederick said to his boss on Bluetooth.

"Did you go to a meeting today?"

"No, I wanted to go home and when I did, I saw my friend messaged me. So I told him I'd go to his house party."

"Did you drink?"

"No, I left. He kept offering me drinks, and I felt pressured. I knew if I drank, I wouldn't be able to stop, and you'd fire me tomorrow. I didn't know what to do so I called you."

"That's why you need people's numbers. I won't always be there for you when you need someone to talk to. If you don't think you would have stopped after one, you're right. I would have fired you tomorrow."

"OK, well, I didn't drink."

"I believe you. It sounds like you're picking things up from your meeting. I would see if an AA club is open and head there. You probably could find someone to talk to."

"Ok, I will."

"Ask for some numbers and start asking people what a sponsor is."

Frederick found a club and drove there. He walked in and sat down.

"Frederick!" a familiar voice said.

"Bob?" Frederick couldn't believe he was at the club.

"What are you doing here?"

"I went to a party. There was alcohol everywhere. My friends kept trying to get me to drink, but I told them I would get fired if I did. They told me to get another job because my boss couldn't tell me what to do outside of work. Also, I got demoted at work because my boss said I wasn't buying into AA. He said he needed to see a change in me. Anyway, I called him at the party. He said I needed to leave and to call him on the way home. I did, and he told me to come here."

"Sounds like you had a crazy night!"

"I did, thank you for understanding. I knew if I took a shot like my friend offered, I wouldn't be able to stop. I would have shown up tomorrow hung over and lost my job. My boss even said I was right to think that."

"If you're an alcoholic, you wouldn't have been able to stop. You're right about that."

"I know! It's what everybody has been saying. I thought about it, and it's true. I've never been able to stop until I blacked out. Even then, people said I got sick and kept going."

"I understand completely!"

"You do?"

"Yeah, it's here, in the first part of the Big Book. Everyone in your meetings references this chapter. I was the exact same way."

"Ok, I thought you weird for telling me you showed up drunk to work."

"And now?" Bob laughed.

"I don't know. I feel better talking to you."

"Great! Well, you can have this Big Book. I have extras. Read it and tell me what you think."

"Bob, what's a sponsor?"

"To start, a sponsor helps you go through the 12 steps of AA."

"Do I need one?"

"If you want to want to work the steps, yes. A sponsor has worked the steps and will show you what to do. If you want to stay sober, I would recommend getting a sponsor and working the steps with him."

"I don't think I can stay sober alone," Frederick became dejected at this realization.

"No one can. Your higher power is the only thing that can keep you sober."

"Maybe you're right. Will you be my sponsor?"

"Of course!"

"OK, what do I do first?"