Azeal Neralum

This is based on the first 8 chapters of your story. The premise of your story is nice, and actually had me interested as I began to read it, but there is still a lot of work and editing that needs to be done. Your POVs, verb tenses, and chapter progression are all over the place. Generally, when writing a story, you will either use a 1st person perspective (the story is written from the perspective of an individual, mainly the main character. This means you use a lot of "I"s and "We"s) or a 3rd person perspective (also known as the "god perspective" in which you tell the story from outside the characters' perspectives. This is focused on "he/she"s and "they"s). You have started to write the story in first perspective, but often jump into the third perspective. You should choose one and stick with it, not jumping between the two. When writing in first perspective, the whole story should ideally be told revolving on the perception and knowledge of the character you are in the perspective of. You can't describe what other a thinking or know. This somewhat limits writing as you can only describe what he is aware of and his perception of the surroundings, but if done right, can create an excellent mystery of the unknowns. You also jumped between the perspectives of different character abruptly and with no warning. This is definitely a no go. Telling the story from multiple perspectives is perfectly fine, but each need to be clearly separated and with a clear distinction as to who the perspective is from at the beginning. I noticed that you started to use POV xx at the start of chapters, but it still broke away from their perspective at times. Next on my agenda is verb tenses. When writing from a first person perspective, you can use either present or past tense, the latter being much more commonly used and easier to write with. You can easily find online resources defining the difference between the two and how to write if you look, but the better option to learn, is to read paperback books at the library and pay attention to their verb tenses. Books printed through publishers have very strict editing requirements and are a great resource for new authors to reference. You wrote most of the book in past tense, which is easy to write with, but would shift into present tense at times and form an immersion breaking effect for the reader. There are parts of the story that are hard to understand, particularly the system screen and his stats, which I strongly recommend you go back and review, but the chapter progression is even harder to follow. Rather than following a distinct plot with chapters flowing from one into the next, the chapters almost felt like their own sub-stories and were very difficult to follow. Speech and character interactions. First and foremost, something I have said many times before, is that all quotations of speech must end in some form of punctuation, whether it is a comma, period, exclamation point, question mark etc... Your character interactions are generally quite good, but sometimes don't flow very well. Consider the character's personality when writing it. First, put yourself into their shoes and imagine what they will say, then place yourself into the recipients perspective and consider how they would react/respond based on their personality. Focus on mainly these points and if possible, go back and edit/rework your first couple of chapters. The first few chapters is what will decide whether most readers choose to keep reading or not. Editing can be tedious and it is extremely difficult to self edit, but do what you can. Don't let this review dissuade you from continuing though, take it with constructive criticism and write even better! Writing a novel is like learning to ride after all, everyone is bound to fall a few times when first learning. If you would like any references for similar stories, go find a copy of the Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud at your local library. It is a fantastic story also written from the first perspective. The Ill-Made Mute by Cecilia Dart-Thornton, the first book of the Bitterbyne Trilogy, is also a good reference as the story begins with the main character having no memories.

Writing Quality is good, smooth sentences, wide range of vocabulary, everything is good except you overuse words and have missing Dots and wrongly placed Coma and tenses. There are no complaints on Updates, it's just that you should have a consistent schedule of release. Story Development is good, quite fast-paced, many events happening in the first chapter. Character Design is good, a poor man gets reincarnated( or tramsported? I guess), a typical MC character...no complaints World Background, just like any other Isekai, the new world the MC is in has supernatural thingz.

You have a promising story here although I found some comma mistakes but ignoring that, this story is pretty good! Plus it has long chapters and I'm still on chapter 3 😂 Keep up the good work! 😁

Awesome bro!! Keep up the good flow!! I like such grimdark fantasies... Wooohoooo! 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111114444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000CHARACTERS \0/

Really interesting.. The starting plot just like JP isekai genre but the way the plot progression follow CN style.. Overall writing quality is absolutely fine.. No error I can find so far

The writing quality is good. Though there are little mistakes but it can all be fixed. It was fun. but sometimes it gives too much information that actually takes time to digest (slowpoke) there are loopholes in the in the first few chapters but I can youre improving. About the MC is he a childish kind of father? He's cute. Lol. All in all, your story is good and it makes me want to read the next chapter. Good job👍🏻

The writing quality needs a little improvement. The story seems interesting.... Updates.....need to be more often.. There are some punctuation mistakes....Do you use grammarly?

The name of novel somewhat intrigues me and ur vocab is really cool waitin' for more updates writing style needs a tad bit of enhancement keep writin! x

I really like your novel. Added it to my library and can't wait for more. --------------------------------------------------------------------

You might also want to introduce the MC's name sooner though (or just put it in the synopsis). I read through the first 10 chaps and still don't know who or what Azeal Neranum is. And don't write Ch1, Ch2, etc in the title. Inkstone already adds the chapter number in for you.

A very good read! One of the stories that gets better and better as I read further! The writing style is quite different and interesting. Just the release rate is quite slow.

Interesting story, the main character gives of a ***** vibe like a typical Japanese isekai mc . There is some humour here and there. Overall it’s a decent read, ****** and easy to understand. So far there’s only 12 chapters, so I will update this when more comes out.

Hello, All Shameless Author Here! 5 stars cause it is nice and what not! In actuality, I would rate my own story around a 4.5 on a strict scale. My greatest weakness is consistent releases because I work 12 hr shifts on a few days and I got to college... And I have a social life ... You might want me to just pump chapters out while I have extra time, but I have a standard I would like to keep, so a lot of editing happens to my chapters by me multiple times and then Grammarly, and then me again a few times to make sure I didn't miss anything. So, give me a great review and them POWER STONE!!! **Snif Snif Snif** I am not addicted **Snif** I just have an... unresistible urge to get more...

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