Alone

My room was situated on the second floor. Good things I designed with a reading nook beside the window. You can see below the playground because our house is near the clubhouse of our subdivision.

Mom knocked twice on the door left ajar. "Carly let's eat" she said.

I looked at her and stood from the reading nook and followed her downstairs. It's a Saturday so mom and dad doesn't have work.

They waited until I was seated before starting to eat. I was staring at the empty plate in front of me. I don't have the appetite right now. Actually I don't have any plans to eat with them at all. My brother's noticed me so he placed to scoops of rice, a piece of hotdog and a sunny side up egg. "Sister please eat" he said with a pleading voice. He took both of my hands and placed the spoon and fork on both sides.

I smiled at my brother Andrei or Andy for short. He was very kind. If only he was born earlier than me, he would pass as the Best Big Brother in the world. We have a two-year gap. I can still remember the time when he got jealous on my first boyfriend. He's sort of the possessive one towards her older sister. He's taller than me by three inches and has a very good body built because he likes to go to gym. The reason why I decided to go the gym was because of him.

I took a few rice and a little slice from the hotdog and ate. I was chewing it slowly but it feels like my throat is blocked and I can't swallow it. I wanted to vomit it now but I can't so I grabbed the glass of water and gulped everything.

"Carly are you okay?" Mom asked. Why are they still asking when they already know the answer? I'm not okay. I'm not but I know what they want to hear so I forced a smile and said, "Yes I'm fine."

"Since you already resigned from work why don't you go to our rest house in the province? I know Celia maintained it well" Dad suggested.

"Dad I don't think it's a good idea. Sis will be left alone there with no one to supervise her" my brother contradicted.

"Andrei I think this is also what your sister needs" Mom sided with Dad.

"What Sis needs is us Mom. We should be the one to support her in times like this." he answered back with his pitch getting higher.

"What if something happens to her? She might get drown or play with knives and we can't do something because we are away." he said worriedly. Actually me getting drowned or play with knives is like to overacting. If I wanted to committed suicide I should have done it earlier.

"If your sister wanted to commit suicide, she would done it earlier." dad answered back. Exactly dad got my thoughts. This was supposed to be a meal day but it ended up in a heated argument. I know they are all worried but I can't stop myself from feeling like this. I don't know when it will end.

"Who knows? She might not do it right now but maybe later" my brother retorted. He looked at me with too much sympathy just like how Dax looked at me while I was staring at the punching bag.

Maybe I need to go and take a breather from all of that's happening with me. "Ok Dad I'll go to the province" I agreed to make them all stop."Maybe it's time to do this so you'll have a peace of mind. Just tell me when so I can prepare." I totally lost my appetite. I stood up and went back to my room. I can still hear them as I went up so I closed the door. I went back to my reading nook and continued watching the children play.

***

The following Monday they took me to the province since it's also a holiday. Mom even bought one week of food supplies even though they know I don't have the appetite to eat. She even got some chocolates and ice cream that eventually will melt as we hit the road.

Dad parked at the terminal and we rode the boat towards the island. The travel took two hours. Our rest house was in front of the beach. They stayed here for a while before finally deciding to settle in Manila. Dad made sure that it has a giant fence. If you'll look at its architecture, it looks like a big bamboo house. There's a veranda before the entrance to the house. As you enter the house, you'll see the living room. It doesn't have any television and internet so if you want to go for some soul searching this would be the best place to go.

Though it looks like a simple bamboo house on the outside, its modern in the inside. They made sure that the kitchen has good facility because we love to cook and bake. On your right you'll see the corridor leading to the bedrooms.

We were greeted by Miss Celia who served as the caretaker of this house. "Coring how are you?" she gave Mom a hug and they were childhood friends. "I'm good and I'm impressed this house was maintained very well" mom praised her.

"Of course! You know me" she teased. They sat on the couch and I excused myself to go to the bathroom even though I'm not. I hid in front of the room so they won't see me.

Mom talked to her in a very low voice but I can still hear it. "Please take care of my daughter Celia. Just visit her from time to time. She's undergoing through a lot right now." she said.

"What happened?" Miss Celia asked.

"It's a long story but I know she'll share it you when the time comes" Mom said assuringly.

"So we have to go. We just dropped her to make sure she's okay."

I went back and bid my goodbyes.

"Please take care of yourself okay? Just send a message if you need something. Celia is living on the other side just approach her for any concerns." I hugged and kissed them all as they went out of the house.

I walked with them through the ferry terminal and went back as they fade away across the sea. As I went inside the house there's one thing I felt again over and over.

I'm left alone...

3-30-2018