Chapter 20 <Within oneself>

I vaguely remember the first task I was assigned to that was with David.

After spending some time in the orphanage – training and accomplishing tasks – I was issued with a task that I had no experience in, espionage. Along with me, David was ordered to assist me in my endeavour, though I secretly doubted his suitability with both his size and character.

Turns out, Muscles himself exceeded my expectations by a large margin, and it wouldn't be a lie to say that he could even meld into the shadows. In the end, I even picked up a liking to smart attires after admiring his appearance in a suit and tie.

But what stood out in my memories of the infiltration to a banquet held by a noble in Skairolmr was something else entirely. Our task was to meet up with another member of the orphanage that has infiltrated into the said noble's mansion as a hired butler at an earlier time, and execute the said noble's assassination.

I remember David drawing attention to himself by flexing in his suit and nearly tearing it, allowing me to meet with the designated orphanage member in secrecy. Eventually, I led him out of the banquet to a corner devoid of people in order to exchange information…

…And he strangled me from behind, constricting my neck with both his arms.

At that time, I never expected a hint of betrayal. Having been in the orphanage shorter than most members, I always thought that everyone abided to the vision and the creed. To my first taste of betrayal, I became rigid with shock and confusion, unable to offer any form of struggle or resistance.

In the end, David saved me by bringing his fist down on my attacker's head, knocking him out instantly with a concussion. When we decided and attempted the assassination with just the two of us, we discovered two things.

Firstly, the noble was not a human, but an elf. As to the reason why, we could never find it. And secondly, we found a contract signed by my attacker and the elf, stating the exchange of an elixir with the pledge of his loyalty.

I was disgusted. But David only patted me on the back and said that it was natural.

"Someday, you'll realise." (David)

I could not understand how betrayal is natural, but after some time I learnt that people had many reasons to commit vile acts out of their own will. Maybe a particular person had to cure his daughter by all means, and the only way to do so is to kill someone else. Something like that.

And right now, I find myself glaring at Selena whose both hands held onto my dagger in a familiar grip and stabbed into my abdomen, somewhere around my left kidney. The pain after the adrenaline shock has just begun to assault my nerves, but it is still at a level where I can withstand the pain. But of course, Amy and Princess Violet doesn't know that.

Under their very eyes, Selena who is wearing the waiting uniform of Ocean Swarm attacked me with a very innocent smile. I doubt that any normal person would think of stabbing your acquaintance sane, much less with an innocent smile; even adventurers who hunt and kill wouldn't go that far.

"Selena! Ray!" (Amy)

Breaking the silence, Amy who has recovered from her shock cried out our names in confusion. She tried to approach us, but I stopped her.

"Stay back Amy, anyone that can commit acts of stabbing is dangerous." (Me)

It is a sufficiently obvious statement that would have made me sound like an idiot under normal circumstances, but it did its job well enough.

Amy stopped, but her eyes still showed signs of fear and confusion.

Of course. If someone you know suddenly acted to kill, without prior experience anyone would be confused. Just like myself years back then.

[…I must be new to human culture. To think that there was such a form of greeting.] (Violet)

Sarcasm doesn't help at all, Princess Violet.

[…Please stay back Princess Bereqor. And I would also request you not to interfere.] (Me)

If the princess comes in, I am unsure what awaits me. She could be triggered by her instinctive vampiric sense of blood seeing how she had lost a lot from her retainers before. Or Selena could assault her. Or she could accidentally destroy Selena without a trace, and I'd have a hard time talking to Amy and covering up our tracks thereafter.

I just hope Amy and Princess Violet doesn't fight while I'm still in this situation.

For now, there is no room for negotiations.

I clenched my teeth and using my left hand, grab the hands of Selena which are still on the hilt of the dagger. Thinking that I am attempting to resist, Selena only smiled wider and pushed the dagger further in.

That will probably be the actions of average people. When they are stabbed, they'll probably want to pull out the foreign object that invaded their body immediately, a natural instinct. However, this only escalates blood loss without extra precautions, and moreover…

With my right hand, I went straight for her throat.

Sorry, when I gripped your hand, I just didn't want you to get away.

I exerted more force onto my grip on her throat, suffocating her. Likely from the lack of oxygen, her grip on the dagger loosened, allowing me to remove her hands. Without pause, I lifted her high off the ground and brought her down to the ground.

"Kaha!" (Selena)

"Selena!" (Amy)

Feeling the impact on her back, Selena exhaled whatever air that was left in her lungs against her own will and coughed out a little blood. While her hands grasp at my right arm, I see her eyes turning murky, so I released a little on my grip and questioned her.

"Speak. Who are you working for!?" (Me)

"Isn't it obvious, Unit Co…" (Selena)

I raised her up and forcefully brought her to the ground again. Behind me, Amy screamed for me to stop.

I agree, that the answer I am looking for is obvious. There is only a few people who knows me by Unit Code 5236, and only one affiliation that is responsible.

There is no mistake about it.

But why now?

How did they find me?

"…as I thought, you… are merciless… When… I took over this… girl…" (Selena)

I put one foot on her shoulder to secure her, and relaxed on my grip to allow her to speak.

"Cough… Hahaha… You can't imagine how exhilarated I was when I took over her! I stole her body but left her mind intact so she would act the same way like she always would! Even just now, she watched herself stab someone she got along with! Oh how delicious her despair was till now when she tried but failed to stop her hands! Her soul long left for the underworld, but she is probably enjoying the show there with her mind here! Hahaha! Hahaha…"

I tightened my grip on her neck to stop her rambling and look her in the eyes.

"You said she will see whatever her eyes allow to from the underworld, right?" (Me)

I take a deep breath, and tried my best to give a sincere smile.

"…I'm sorry Selena, that you have to go through such horrible experiences. I will end it quickly for you, so you won't feel any pain and fear. I sincerely pray for your happiness in the utopia after death."

Together with my left hand, I find the weakest portion of her neck.

I crushed it.

Before my gaze, Selena's eyes gradually fade, devoid of any colour. With that, Selena is no more. Uncomfortable silence descended upon us as I looked at the corpse who was once my colleague.

…Finally, her face shows a smile that is pure and innocent, clean of any corruption.

And as I stood there replaying this incident, I remember the image that flashed through my mind before I was stabbed. That horrid image which I didn't want to see.

I understand now, why Selena's face appeared in my dream. I had thought the vampires would somehow be responsible for killing her, so I was overly cautious that they'd return. So much so that when I saw Selena sleeping peacefully on the kitchen floor of Ocean Swarm, I overlooked the vital point of my dream.

That those who appeared in my dream, are no longer among the living. They aren't about to be killed, but already dead.

"Ray…" (Amy)

…I'm sorry Amy, but you heard what Selena, or whatever that possessed her, talked about. I already sent her off as peaceful as possible.

"With her soul gone, there is no more hope to bringing back Selena. I'm sorry Amy." (Me)

"…But, but you could have tried! You should have!" (Amy)

"I would if I could. But if the soul left the body, nothing can be done. I'm sure your religion says the same for you Amy… Please understand." (Me)

"Then why are you so calm! Why can you be so calm! I understand that she already died, but how are you so calm like this!? Someone you knew, suddenly injured you! Someone you knew, just died before your eyes!" (Amy)

I jolted.

Before me, Amy screamed her confusion at me, with tears streaming down her face. Her heartbroken expression at her friend's death, her fear and her confusion about me: they all should have made a stir in my heart or my mind, but even now after everything that has happened, I remained composed.

Why, why am I so calm?

Am I supposed to be this calm in the event where someone I know dies, moreover by my own hands, and caused by unnatural means? If I am someone normal, will I breakdown and weep? Will I scream to the heavens, lamenting the unfairness of such?

In the end… who exactly am I?

Anatomically speaking, I am human. But that is only my physical composition; what of myself that exist inside this flesh container? It feels as if something inhuman is lurking within me…

…no, what if there isn't anything inside of this body at all? A body that lacks a drive for something. Just a mere working body that is modelled for certain purposes, for only certain people.

'Don't tell me you dream to be used by the officials to the day you finally get killed off.'

No… This, isn't who I want to be. Even if I was once like that, even if that is so! I now, have a dream at least, to be…

What do I want to be?

"I…" (Me)

I look at Amy through my fingers that somehow are pressing against my forehead before I realised, with sweat running past them. My mouth opens, so close to saying this long lasting dream that is created by my own will.

My own will. Mine, and no one else's.

"I…"

"What is this commotion?"

And before I could attempt anything at all, Cheff appeared from my cabin.