Betty – Life is Worth Living

Jane had noticed that I was moping around in a deep funk. In that direct way of hers, she hit me between the eyes—well not literally between the eyes. More like smacking me upside of the head. It was like this….

I was in our living room or parlor, whichever makes you think polished wood floors with a thick Persian wool rug in light blues and greys. A few settee chairs here and there. Off-white drapes were hung but looped open so the sun could pour through. Fresh roses on the end tables scented the air around me. And then there was me, curled up in a ball soaking up the warmth.

The problem was that my eyes were leaking although I was quiet. I had learned long ago to not make a sound when I cried. Serina had glanced in as she was walking past, and she spun around and had me cuddled in her arms almost before I realized that she was there. Now I am not a petite little thing. But she lifted me and slipped under me as if I was a puff of down from some cattails.

"Let it out," she whispered. "You are safe here."

And my tears lead to sobs. Jane just held me and let me cry myself out as if there was nothing more important in the world than my grief at this moment. This was not a fast process as I had tears saved up for years.

Jane must have used our silent communication system and called Lance in. As Jane suddenly lifted me into his arms and he had me settled in the warmth of his embrace and effortlessly back on the Settee before I was really conscious of what happened. Jane kissed me tenderly on the lips and said," I've got to run. It's imperative that I attend this meeting or else I'd stay. But Lance said that for as long as you need him, he will stay and listen to you. Don't worry, little Jane and little Larry are with Ashley and Barb at the park. You are in the best of hands, relax."

Now, in all honesty, a man's arms are not something that I would call safe. But I had learned that Lance is not your typical man. He was one-hundred percent dedicated to Jane, umm, Serina. Although how she got that nickname, I have no idea. But it does make it simpler than having two Janes here. For someone that is so dedicated to his wife, I don't understand how he can also care so much about seven other women. But beyond a doubt he does. In everything, except marital intimacy, we might as well be his wives. Lance will give us kisses us just as passionately as he does Serina and yet I've never seen him show preference to any one of the other girls over another. Lance is fair to a fault. I've never seen him give Serina a cause for concern that he does not love her first and foremost, but he is still able to show his love for all of us. I'm beginning to believe that saying that love does not divide, it multiplies. I've seen him with only his boxers on and—oh my! What a body! I think all of us are genuinely in love with him, I know I am.

So I settled deeper into his embrace and started babbling in my head. Yes, that is the correct word as I doubt that I was going to make any kind of logical sense, but then a robot like a calm came over me. "Lance, did you know what Erin and I did for the mob before you rescued us?" Then I touched his lips to stall any reply. "Shush, just listen…. Both of us were high-end escorts. We both started as teenagers taking care of johns that our pimps would bring us. Not because we wanted to…, but it was that or we were going to be abused and tortured until we either did it or died. I couldn't take what they did to me and gave up. I became a part, an object, a thing, not a human."

I paused and looked at him but there was not a trace of judgment or revulsion, just loving acceptance and I continued, "I didn't think or feel, I just performed mechanically. Underneath, I was always screaming, but on the surface, I was the perfect escort. So perfect that my value to the mob bosses grew rapidly. Before I knew it, I was only being given to the high rollers. The rich and powerful men. So my treatment both by the mob and by the johns improved unbelievably, but underneath I was still screaming. You know, I should be screaming underneath right now. But in your arms, I actually feel safe and warm…. Shush," I said, as again my fingertips touched Lance's lips. "If I don't get this out now I may never feel like talking again. Someone needs to know. I have to share this or die inside."

I felt his lips on my hair as he drew me even tighter against his broad chest. And I cuddled in as if I could find salvation in the warmth of his embrace. "My parents died in a car accident when I was around five. I ended up in an orphanage in Tennessee. This place was regimented and controlling. I found out later that I was being groomed for the mob as a prostitute. Not that I was told that, but after being put to work as a prostitute at sixteen there was no other explanation. I was delivered to the mob and saw money change hands. However, I found out that I was reported as incorrigible and a runaway, but in reality, I was a prisoner. I was broken by various mob bosses until I could do my job. I had no idea that men did that to women until the Tennessee boss indoctrinated and 'taught' me over a few months. I was scared out of my mind to the point that I did what I was told as I feared for my life after being 'disciplined' a few times. It is incredible how much pain can be given without leaving lasting marks on your body."

I continued my recitation, "Incidentally, I met Erin in the orphanage, and she shares much of the same story. I was so good that I was lent out to the New York boss and then sold to him along with Erin. That time I was sold for a lot of money and drugs and I do mean a lot. I was there when they did the exchange. My life was easier now, but somehow I got pregnant. Which one of the son of a…! Sorry, which one did it I have no idea, there were so many. I had this crazy idea that now that I had a child that they would stop using me. Was that ever a stupid thought! Both Erin and I tried to escape, but they caught us, and they were going to make sure we never tried that again, and then you came and…," I started to sob again.

I became aware that my back was warm and looked through my tears to find Erin tight against Lance and me. She was also crying. I had no idea when she had joined us, but we had been like sisters for so long that I thought of Erin as literally my sister. Somehow Lance rearranged us so that we both were being held tightly against him as we cried out our pain.

I have no idea how long we cuddled, but Lance's legs had to be going to sleep from having his circulation cut off, but he never once asked us to leave or move. He just held us and let us cry.

The sun was setting before Erin, and I cried out all of our pain. Babbling this or that remembered pain or terror semi-incoherently between our sobs. We both had terrors that we had held within us for many long years. Our outrage that anyone would do what had happened to us to another human was beyond belief, but it happened. Slowly I felt that ice-heart of mine start to thaw. I slowly was feeling again. I have no idea how one human can express to another, solely through the medium of being held close, such love and concern. But I can not deny the reality of what a hug is capable of accomplishing.

I heard not a word of judgment from Lance, just his accepting and loving embrace. Occasionally I felt his lips in my hair, once I turned in his arms and kissed him. I know Erin kissed him at least once also. We were in the hiccuping stage when Serina joined us again. The look that she shared with Lance melted my frozen heart even further, and I hoped that one day a man would look at me like that. I looked into Erin's eyes and felt that same feeling of love for me, then I looked into Lance's eyes and realized that he loved me also, just as much as he loved Serina, if not in the same way. At that point, I think my heart fully thawed and I began to see that life was worth living.

The other girls had talked now and then, and I had learned to listen but not speak early in life. That it was much better to vanish into the woodwork than having a mob boss notice you. I was looking at Serina standing there looking at the three of us cuddled together on the settee. You could see the pride and love for Lance she had, but also something more—she had a regal bearing and self-assurance that I just now realized that Lance had as well. Then It struck me that those were no stories that the other girls had been sharing, it was not make-believe. Serina was a real princess, and not a princess of some small half bankrupt county, but a princess of the entire galaxy. And as her husband, I was being held by a prince!

It really struck me hard just then, not only was I safe and loved, but life was going to be interesting indeed!