RULE 34 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Author's interjection:

it's recommended to listen to "Noisestorm - Crab Rave" while reading this :<)

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"We should probably rest up and talk about this over breakfast, Tiddy."

"Uh yes, we should."

Still bewildered by the sudden change of mind ("An entire brain, might I add"), Tiddy simply acquiesced and let the matter slide... For now... ***Cue ominous foreboding :scaryface:***

"What a wonderful rest, Tiddy, rock senpai weirdo f*ck, did you get a good night's sleep?"

"I slept as heavily as a rock!"

"I hate both of you. Peons, I want food. Now."

"Then let's get to the pub then! We could also find some information and rumors."

"Please for the love that is holy stop making sense please just stop."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

***A short walk and 4 bad puns later~~***

"Here it is, the pub. It looks cleaner than what I was expecting, honestly."

"Hmm, I wonder if we'll find any lovely ladies in here (lenny face)."

Remark after remark from both the former idiot and the unaware lecher started to wear down on the Princess's mental health. That is if she had any when she started this journey. Who in their right mind goes through a portal and picks a random stoner as her knight and then names him VERIZON, WIRELESS OF THE NORTH? Not me, that's for sure.

"The food here is pretty decent. Not bad, but not good either."

"Of course your majesty, we're in a pub. Did you expect a 10 course breakfast with a selection of fine wines to start your day?"

"N-No. Baka!"

"THIS CAKE IS SIMPLY DELICIOUS, MAY I HAVE THE HONOR TO BLESS THE FINE LASS WHO CREATED THIS MASTERPIECE?"

For a moment, it seems that time had slowed down. For Verizon and Tiddy at least. And no, this wasn't love. It was pure, unadulterated hatred. Not for each other, but for the inane talking rock. No amount of coercing nor throwing had separated them from magical rock grandpa senpai for a meaningful amount of time. It was at this moment that their hearts were finally in sync.

"SHUT THE F*CK UP BEFORE WE KICK YOU OUT THE BOOK."

"Hello, may I interest you fine folks in our house special, the moon-and-star pancake?"

"Sure why not"

"Ok"

While the senior debauchery advisor was in deep sleep, the (two) main characters who will totally stay as the main characters with no party switching or dumbaas team switches later on decided to amend their differences over a pancake.

"This pancake is delicious! So mesmerizing!

"..."

"Huh?"

As BIG looks back at Verizon, she saw something arguably too graphic for readers (viewer discretion advised)

He was holding his pancake lovingly. More specifically, he was caressing his pancake as if it were his lover.

"Verizon, what are you doing?"

"I want to make love to this pancake. I have never felt an emotion so strongly before, I feel like I'm in love!"

"Over a pancake?'

"BIG TIDDY PRINCESS, you simply don't understand how life changing this beautiful pancake is. I think, I think that I've fallen in love."

"With whom?"

"Isn't it obvious? Pancake-etta is right here, isn't she?"

Ok now even I'm lost, and i'm the goddamned author, what the fuck verizon

"You fell in love with a stupid pancake?"

"Pancake-etta doesn't like how you called her stupid, princess, please apologize."

She had thought that the absurd events came to an end. She had thought that Verizon actually had a brain and she was happy about that, no matter how hard she vehemently denied caring. It was only now that she realized that she was never going to have her way.

GOTCHA BITCH, GET FUCKED.

"Verizon, you have until the count of three."

"For what? I should be giving you a countdown, seeing as you insulted my bride-to-be."

"Verizon, I will eat Pancake-etta should you choose to not eat her. Eat her now."

One of the tattoos on BIG TIDDY PRINCESS's hands started glowing, ooh, scary.

"Hey hey no need to use a command seal. We can talk this over sandwiches and lemonade."

"Eat. The. Pancake."

"NOOOOO"

The crazed princess started smiling evilly, watching Verizon starting to eat Pancake-etta with a malignant, crazed gaze.

Suddenly, a white light blanked the room.

"I AM PANCAKE-ETTA"

An extremely beautiful beauty with perfect jade-like skin, huge tits, a perfect face, blond hair, and green eyes appeared suddenly, shocking all.

"Hello Verizon, sweetie."

"H-hi Pancake-etta."

It was as if Verizon channeled his inner "awkward boy in high school."

"Princess, you weren't very nice with your sudden outburst. I would very much appreciate it if you were to apologize to me and darling."

"First off, who the fuck are you, secondly, I am not apologizing to a fucking pancake with tits slapped on it. Author, are you shitting me?"

All of a sudden, the environment turned tense, like a Mexican standoff. The Princess in one corner, Pancake-etta in the other corner, Verizon on the other corner laying on a floor from a head injury that will totally not be used to return him to the status quo one way or another, and the lecherous rock senpai staring at Pancake-etta's huge tits. The good, the bad, the stupid, and the perverted senile.

duN Dun DUH

https://youtu.be/xX2gLhS1iEw