Volume 5: Never Send a Cat to Do a Man's Job

[Editor: Ajax_Flameborn, Rain, Author]

The weather had turned cold again, and leaves on the trees had long since changed color. By now there should have been constant drizzling rain, but there'd been very little. The world that should have been wet was frozen and dry.

Sitting on the edge of a thickly tiled roof, an extremely fluffy bird was dozing. He was brown, the edges of his wings speckled black and white. He had white feathers above his eyes that looked like long slanted eyebrows and he was small enough to fit into a tea cup.

The bird suddenly jumped, as if startled awake. His sharply feathered tail stood straight up into the air like a flag. He hoped to the right, then to the left, then looked down from the edge of the roof and gave a single chirp.

Flying off the roof, he came to a part of the wall with a rod sticking out just below a hole. The hole was just a little bigger than the bird. With practiced ease, he hopped through the hole, down a narrow corridor, twisting right once and then a sharp left, before coming out into an interior room.

The room was obviously a bedroom, a big intricately carved redwood bed frame was at the far wall. Lying on his back in the bed was a young man. His hair was down, neatly groomed and arranged to lay on his shoulders. He wore simple undyed cotton sleepwear.

Surrounding him were three cats. Near his head and shoulder, was a bobtail orange tabby. The tabby was sleeping on his back, body and front paws stretched out to their full length. On his stomach sat an old short-haired white cat, paws tucked under his belly and his long tail wrapped around his body. At the young man's feet was a long haired gray cat with white paws and muzzle. She was lying on her side, a light snore coming out of her every time she exhaled.

The bird, totally unafraid of these three cats, directly flew over and landed on the pillow the young man's head was resting on. The bird was so light he barely made an indent on the pillow. He was staring intently at the young man's face.

"Such sharp instincts," The old white cat suddenly spoke up. "He will be waking up shortly, just as you guessed."

The old cat gave a big yawn and stood up, stretching his front paws before lightly kneading the young man's stomach, purring loudly.

The bird chirped disapprovingly.

"Tch, so protective…" The old cat flicked his tail, but still got off the young man's stomach. He walked over to the orange tabby and started vigorously licking the other cat's face.

The orange tabby unstretched himself and took several steps back with an arched back, scolding, "Your morning breath is atrocious!!!"

The old white cat ignored him, promptly going to the gray long-haired cat. He raised his paw and viciously swatted the gray cat in the face, causing her to wake with a cry of alarm.

"You decrepit old thing—!" The gray haired cat licked her paw and rubbed her face with it. "This lady never does anything to you, yet you continue to provoke her!!!!"

The "decrepit old thing" ignored her outrage and calmly stated, "Lil' Fifth is waking up soon."

The two younger cats looked at the young man and sighed.

"What a shame," The orange tabby spoke first. "That was the best nap I've had in eons."

"Those with animal affinities really are the best sleeping companions," The gray cat added affectionately.

"If we don't scram now," The old white cat spoke casually, "they'll definitely try to get us to help them with all those tedious matters that have been popping up lately."

The orange tabby and gray long haired cat looked alarmed.

"This lady refuses! After such an excellent nap, to have it ruined with something bothersome like work—!"

"If they can't find us, they can't try to bug us about problems they should deal with themselves," The tabby raised a paw and pointed to the south, "Let's go find a nice sun beam down south! Sunbathing is the perfect post-nap activity!"

"Oh you," The gray haired cat narrowed her eyes, slowly blinking, "sometimes you do have the best ideas!"

"I agree," The old white cat jumped into the air, floating with his pink bean shaped toe-pads dangling in the air, "my old bones don't like the cold anyway."

"Pff!" The orange tabby flipped in the air, floating at the height of the jump, upside down. "Since when did cold bother you? Couldn't you sleep on top of an iceberg just fine?"

"Nonsense! Who'd sit on an iceberg?" Stepping lightly in the air, as if walking up an invisible slope, the gray cat joined them, "Be reasonable Goji. Is there a cat in the world who'd prefer ice to a warm sunbeam?"

"I'm just pointing out—"

"Yes, yes, yes," The old white cat interrupted, "Let's argue about ice and heat after we arrive in a warmer climate, shall we?"

"En~!" Came two meows of agreement.

Abruptly, the air was empty of three cats and the room was quiet again.

The small bird twittered slightly into the emptiness.

He thought: Not bothering to help the Queen even once, sleeping the whole time without a care in the world… even though they're so powerful and could have helped, ah… cats are truly heartless creatures...

As he was ruminating on the nature of cats, the young man's breathing altered slightly. Because the bird was right next to the young man's head, he caught the subtle difference almost immediately. Shortly after the change in breathing, the young man's body began to stir restlessly.

Excited, the bird flew into the air and directly landed on his forehead.

Almost immediately after landing, the young man's glowing blue eyes opened.

The young man tilted his head up while the bird on his forehead looked down at the same time. Because the bird was very small, he couldn't look the young man in both eyes, but only one. So it happened that two black eyes met one glowing blue eye.

The young man gave an affable smile and greeted softly, "Good morning, You Liao. I seemed to have nodded off unexpectedly, would you mind filling me in?"

———

"De Ming Yu!" His Mother cried out at the sight of him, immediately wrapping him in a big hug. "It's so good you're awake now!"

De Ming Yu chuckled, patting his Mother on the back. "The De Sons are a complete set now."

She gave a hearty laugh and then put him at arm's length, while still holding his hands. For a moment, she simply gazed at him, pleased.

De Ming Yu was about to tease his Mother when she suddenly gave a very long sigh. He swallowed back his words when he saw the serious expression on her face.

"Son… I know you just woke up but your Mother has a favor to ask."

"Of course, Mother. Anything you want." He had a very good idea how hard things had been for her, so he wouldn't add to her problems by being demanding. Besides, that two-year rest had filled him with energy. Whatever she asked, he really felt he could do.

"Er, erm…" She let go of his hands and scratched the bridge of her nose. She kept glancing at him, a hint of guilt in her eyes. "It's… heh… well…. I feel bad having to ask this of you… please understand it's not something I'd ask just any of you boys... "

He couldn't help raise his eyebrows. That she wasn't saying it outright caused a vague sense of unease to rise in his heart, where only a moment ago he'd been filled with confidence.

"Mother, speak." He grabbed his Mother's hand and squeezed it. "This son is filial and won't disappoint you."

"...oh…" Rather than gaining confidence in her request, his Mother looked even more guilty. "You've always been such a good boy… I really feel bad now…"

"Mother…"

"Erm, yes… it's just… it's… how to say it…" She took a deep breath and spoke hastily, "What do you think about being the Emperor?"

De Ming Yu's hand, which had been holding his Mother's hand tightly, abruptly let go and fell to his side.

There was a long silence as Mother and son stared at each other.

She cleared her throat and added hopefully, "And by 'be the Emperor', I mean today. Right now. Preferably."

———

Mei Hua felt bad.

It's not like she wanted to do this.

She just couldn't deal with ruling anymore. It was like she was cursed. Those in Lanhua didn't give her many problems, but everyone outside of the country sure did. Putting aside the disasters that kept happening, the rumors had completely shredded what little reputation she had left. It turned out a ruler with a destroyed reputation might as well not exist. Getting anything done across Lanhua borders was met with extreme resistance.

Shu Fu Jing, someone experienced in politics, was left flabbergasted. They could use force, but force couldn't be the final answer. At some point real cooperation was required. Everytime they made some progress, a new rumor would pop up and destroy their progress in an area. It was so bad that places that had once viewed them as heroes now treated them like violent monsters.

The rumors focused on the "disappearance" of the Fair Emperor.

Even if Mei Hua dragged them into her own bedroom to see the perfectly alive but sleeping Jin, it didn't matter. By the time those eyewitnesses returned, their news somehow distorted into something like: 'Did you hear? The Emperor is in a cursed sleep! Though he's been asleep for two years, why haven't one of the ten sons taken over? Where are all of them anyway? Only the youngest and wildest seem to be out and about! After the Queen took over, hasn't one disaster after another come down from heaven? Doesn't that mean the heavens have determined she's not fit to rule? Yet she won't let even one son take over? Isn't that strange? Isn't that… suspicious?'

The problem with this particular line of thinking was it was believable to those who weren't personally acquainted with Mei Hua and she had no way to directly disprove it to strangers. How do you prove you're not greedy for power to people while still retaining the ultimate seat of authority in the region? This was like saying you weren't hoarding gold while at the same time sitting on a mountain of gold! Obviously no one would believe you.

Mei Hua wanted to scream at all the doubters: It's not like I wanted to be Queen! I was happy being a Mountain Monkey! This position was forced on me by others!

But she knew no one would believe her, even if she made a public proclamation they wouldn't believe. She understood why too. When picking between 1) a life of luxury and power, the best food and most expensive clothes or 2) living in a cave wearing undyed cotton and eating wild game… what would the average person pick? Not number two! They'd definitely pick a life of luxury!

Mei Hua was the weird one for wanting to live a simple life. The older she got, the more she understood how strange she was in this regard. Even Pei Zhi didn't understand her thinking. A life of ease was always preferable to a life of hardship, that was just 'common sense'.

Now that Mei Hua got a taste of being at the top, she clung even more tightly to her belief that the simple life was best. When Jin woke up, she was definitely going to cry all over him and demand they take a vacation from 'palace life'. They could hide somewhere for a while… maybe a few years… let the young people have a chance to run things… it didn't matter as long as she didn't have another servant running up to her to give her bad news…

While thinking about who would be a good pick to take over for Jin, she realized she didn't have to wait for Jin to wake up. The best choice was definitely De Ming Yu. He had always been responsible and upright! If things continued on as they had been, he would wake up soon. Then… why not just let him take over when he woke? Not only would letting him take charge prove she wasn't a power hungry demon, it also would give her a much needed break.

She pat herself mentally on the back when she came to this conclusion.

Brilliant! Marvelous!

As for the unfortunate De Ming Yu… well…

Some sacrifices had to be made.

———

The Fairy Emperor always had a very specific idea of what it meant to be a ruler. Due to his wild nature, he'd always kept to the animal's way of ruling: 'I keep grave danger away from you and give you a place to live, you kowtow to me and obey my words.'

He felt he was being generous by spreading out his power and allowing inhabitants of the mountains to also grow a little stronger, smarter, and healthier than if they'd lived somewhere else. This was considered a free benefit to those underneath him and, to his view, they were fortunate to receive it. Where else in nature would rulers go that far?

When he thought this way, he felt particularly pleased with himself.

He was truly the most generous, wise, and gifted of rulers.

It was only those he personally took an interest in that got anything more. First, his sister. Then, the deer. And later, Mei Hua.

All three of these had told him, in one way or the other, that great rulers don't go by the 'law of the jungle'. They exceed it. If he really wanted to be as great as he thought himself to be, he'd have to aim a little higher than the animals.

It was only Mei Hua who he ended up listening to in the end.

It helped that she also followed her objections up with a concrete set of rules that he could easily follow.

Over the last 100 or so years, he'd become much more respectable. But this was only on the surface. Underneath, he was still wild and did as he pleased. It just happened that with Mei Hua around, it pleased him to be somewhat respectable.

His sons, despite years of earnest training by their Mother, were in nature exactly like their Father. They were wild in their hearts, only being restrained because they loved their Mother and wanted to make her happy. When she wasn't around or in matters that she was ambivalent about, they did exactly as their hearts desired.

De Ming Yu was the most respectable of his brothers. This had a lot to do with his affinity, which caused beasties and spirit beasts to adore him and animals to obey him. From birth, he'd been a sort of ruler. Unlike his other siblings, he had to figure out how to behave in ways that didn't start needless fights and arguments from intelligent but overzealous animals around him. Not only did his Mother not like infighting, De Ming Yu also found it annoying. He thus grew up more restrained than his other siblings.

Everyone knew this, De Ming Yu most of all. This was why it made perfect sense for his Mother to try to pass the title of Emperor on to him, rather than De Tongran or the two youngest. As to the De twins, those two might as well have been air.

But did De Ming Yu WANT to be the Emperor?

No he did not!

He knew better than anyone what a constraining life such a title forced on a person. His own affinity restrained him, the Emperor title would be a further weight around his neck. He was discreet on the surface, but his heart was still wild and yearned for freedom. He would rather just stay a low-key Prince, retaining what little freedom he could, than ever climb a branch up to a higher status and be smothered by more responsibility.

It's not like he ever thought about being the Emperor anyway. His Old Man wouldn't die before him, wouldn't age before him, and his mind would always be sharp, so ascending to the 'dragon seat' had never once entered his mind. Probably the only person in the family who was slightly ambitious in that sense was Shan Hui, the eldest son. And even Shan Hui understood it wasn't ever going to happen, not really.

And now? Without any mental preparation at all, he was going to get crowned Emperor…

What would his Old Man do to him when he woke up later? His Mother insisted the title "Fairy Emperor" would be a unique title only for the Old Man, so he wouldn't kick up too much of a fuss. But De Ming Yu wasn't naive, that Old Man was filled with pride. Even if Mother told the Old Man he was still technically in charge and it was just a public office change to keep people happy… That Old Man would definitely give his fifth son the stink eye for years after this...

He wished he hadn't foolishly agreed to do whatever his Mother wanted!

This was his punishment for taking the initiative in a conversation! He should have done what he always did in the family; eat some melon seeds and watch the show. Always comment AFTER everything was said and done. Now, he was suffering for being too hasty.

Even while the crown was being ceremoniously placed on his head for the world to see, in his heart he was already plotting how to throw it off the moment he had the chance.

It would be best if his Old Man took everything back when he woke up but if for some reason that didn't work… he had other siblings he could shove the task onto. Of the four above him… Fourth was the easiest to sweet talk and bully into things, while not being so ruthless people would take him to be a tyrant.

Hn.

Fourth Brother it was then.