The Bed or The Grave

Why am I at the dead end?

Is there nowhere to go? How can I move when I have nothing left? All our evidences are burned away. My partner is gone, sleeping somewhere I do not know. Two of my friends are trapped in a slumber that leads into another world. But still, today is another day. I know boss would urge me to put this story to one side and instead focus on daily journalism. He might just tell me that tomorrow is another day. I could just go on and get in a car to go around the city looking for stories. I could simply report on a new ordinance or some petty crime. Maybe some failed city projects that is hardly ever read. I could report that.

But no. I shan't do that. Let it be that I earn nothing this month (in any case, I have enough to support me for a year). I just need to solve this case. I need to end this as swiftly as possible. Inheritances are on the line. Jobs are on the line. Peace is on the line. This must end now.

The question is… how can I move when I have no more pieces left on the board?

Winter is drawing near. I could feel the little leaves that stayed for months slowly falling away. The days are getting colder each day, with me having to put on thicker coats each day. The days are getting shorter with my time feeling shorter and shorter each day – like the time I have left to find the truth. As I force myself to head for the newsroom, I could feel my feet aching… aching for this to end, aching for it to live.

As I walk in an uphill path towards the city center, I pass over green pastures, green pastures that lead up to a grand building of opulence – Word Miracle Church.

Maybe, the Lord has answers for me. In this silence of mid-morning, I hear the clatter of my heels as I walk through the asphalt paths of the church. Through the sides of the paths are Begonias in bloom, despite the falling leaves that are beside it. As I enter through the wide-open double doors of the church, there is only one man praying at the prie-dieu. From his now wavy mahogany hair, to his physique and style that he had years ago, there can be no doubt that it is him. He changed. From the time I saw him in October, he has changed. No more clean cut that of a professional. It was as if time had turned back, and there he is, just a normal person praying.

As I walk through the aisle, I take my rosary from my pocket and begin moving around the beads. Each step I take, I feel myself being drawn towards the altar. I offer my bow to the Lord and kneel. As I was about to begin my prayer, I see him. I see him praying deeply. With his flinching eyes and anxious lips, I know that something is wrong.

Slowly, I rise on my feet. All of a sudden, I find myself beside him. As much as I despise him for keeping secrets, I cannot help but care for him through these times. It is not only me who suffers, but he too.

On the vacant seat beside him, I gently lay down my briefcase and kneel beside him.

"Pater, nos omnes.

Pater, opus tuum auxilium.

Quo in tempore opus est tibi?

Futurum erat quid necesse?

Da mihi signum.

Da mihi responsum."

That was his prayer. From the "ums" and "Paters" I have been hearing, I think he speaks of Latin. I do not know. All I can understand is that whatever he speaks, it is something close to his heart. As I fold my hands together, he suddenly stops his murmurs and speak in English. "What is it, Ms. Aguinaldo?" he asks while still in a trance-like voice. "How did you know I would be here?"

I look beside him, and I see him still kneeling with his folded hands and firmly closed eyes. I do the same and look straight ahead. "I did not. There are just some things that have been troubling me."

"Then what is it that you need of me?" he asks as if his very questions are still part of his prayer. "Surely you would not kneel beside me had you no business with me."

He's right. I know why I sat beside him, but I do not wish to admit that. I look at him again, and still, he remains to pray in Latin with his murmurs.

"...et ad te, Pater, commendo tibi animabus suis. Quin ullum afferat detrimentum dignitatis meam salva me verum loqui."

Suddenly, he goes silent again. "What's your answer, Ms. Aguinaldo?"

He found me speechless at this time of weakness. Yes, he is my only weakness as I try to keep my strength for those around me. As I was about to speak the truth, I shake away the thoughts. There is only one logical question to ask him. "Tell me of what you know, Professor. You and I both know that justice needs to be served. Who is Ysabel? How can I find her?"

"I cannot tell you that. As I said, the only way I can prevent you from hurting yourself is by not telling you everything. Rosanna, the person you are dealing with is dangerous. I can take her on myself, but I believe you cannot face her. If it's not the bed, it is the grave."

"The world needs the truth, sir. Stop protecting me. Do you remember Mateo Macedo?"

"Yes," he says in that same trance-like voice.

"Well, he's gone. The nurse says he woke up from the coma and left without a trace. He resigned from Lucia City Times without a word. Someone even took his things for him."

"That is no surprise," he says, indifferently. "Mateo's father, the CEO of AMC TV, disappeared too. It's not him, but his wife too. The Macedos are gone. AMC TV will soon fall."

AMC TV… a leading television broadcast company of this country. Another attack on the press. How much will she pay for the silence that is going on in this country? How can she keep killing more and more people? As much as I want to things through, I cannot. His indifferent words and unperturbed tone spark a fire within me. "How could you say that so indifferently, sir? Lucia City is falling down, and yet, you choose to defend this woman. You know of this before I do. How do you know? Are you an accomplice of Ysabel Javier?"

Despite my raising voice, he does not even seem to care. He remains still in his prayers with his knees on the prie-dieu. "Rosanna, I am not indifferent, but rather, I expected that something like this might happen. As I said, my connections run deep, deeper than what you can fathom. I do not defend Ysabel. This issue is beyond your control. All of this will end with just a signature, but still, he will not sign"

Signature… Of course! The will! All these deaths… All these disappearances… They are not simply a means to remove people from the line of inheritance. They are not attacking against me. These are for the one who started all of these just by refusing to acknowledge a possible heir – Raphael Concepcion.

"Can she be stopped?" I ask as I realize this.

"No," he says gravely. "That is why I ask this of you. Stop your investigations. Not even your articles can convince Raphael Concepcion to acknowledge his bastard. You do not want to end up silenced, silenced like reporters from the dictatorship. If it's not the bed, then it's the grave."

As he says those words, I feel the cold breeze of autumn entering through the double doors, sweeping away my frizzy hair through the winds. Some of the autumn leaves lands on my shoulder. However, as I take the leaf of my shoulder, I notice that it is green, green like new spring. And then, I realize. "No!" I say to him firmly. "You cannot convince me, sir. If you make me choose between the bed or the grave, I will have to choose the grave? What kind of bed are you even talking about? A bed of life or a bed of death? A bed of truth or a bed of lies? I choose to not sleep in either of those. I would rather take myself to the grave than live a single second of not doing anything. Good day!"

I stand on my feet and walk in strides away from him. Yes, I may not be able to convince him of the slightest, but I did take something out of this. In these times where I seem to fail, I will rise. This is why the Lord led me to the church. He wanted me to stand my ground against those who urge me to step down. I choose the grave over a bed of lies. No longer will I listen to that man. I will find another way to get him to speak. If not, I will find another way to bring justice.

Suddenly, as I step out of the church, I feel something crawl up my spine. I hear something, the sound that of a rifle being loaded with a bullet. I do not know who he is. I do not know where he points the rifle, but I know better than to fight. I simply raise my arms, raise my arms in an act that of a surrender. Though I may not know the man, I know who his employer is.

"Have you come to kill me?" I ask the man behind me.

I dare not turn back. It was as if I am paralyzed into nothingness as he points his rifle towards my back. "No, miss. I did tell you that we will come back for you, and we did."

All of a sudden, ten more men spring out of nowhere as they surround me in circle once more with their military grade rifles. Eleven. There's eleven of them. Where's the twelfth one?

"What do you need?" I ask. I have to buy some time. What are they doing? Where is the twelfth one? With one of them missing, surely, they have a complete plan. It's not just "threat the woman to be shot and expect silence" act.

"Nothing, miss," he says. "Just your act of surrender. Vow to never continue your investigation lest you wish to meet Your Maker."

Once again, they begin loading their rifles. The last time this happened, I was just praying the five decades of the rosary, and then, Attorney Guevarra used his elusive ways to threaten the men into laying down their arms. I don't think I can summon another Attorney Guevarra if I pray another five decades.

But maybe… Just maybe… He will help me.

"It is the same answer, boys," I say firmly. "I will never surrender. You can tell Ysabel that I will fight, just like this!"

And suddenly, I kick my leg backwards towards the genitals of my perpetrator. With that, he almost falls to his knees as he feels the immerse pain similar to that of childbirth. Instinctively, he holds on to his genitals as he prays for the pain to subside, allowing him to let go of his weapon. With a smile on my face, I pick up the rifle on the floor and begin loading it.

Suddenly, I begin shooting at random places. I do not even know how to fire a gun. As I shoot, they also shoot at my direction but constantly miss. All ten of them are circled right in front of me. Behind me is a church with a man praying inside. This might be the chance.

"Professor Diwa! Help me! They are going to kill me!"

As I keep firing my gun against them, I keep shouting and shouting for help.

"Professor Diwa, I beg of you, help me!"

As I was about to let out another shout, a hand goes across my mouth, thus forcing me into silence. "I told you, miss. We will come back for you." Suddenly, he wraps his other arm on my waist and carries me away like a child. "Boys, let's go!"

All of a sudden, the ten men take to their sides. Wait, what is going on? Slowly, a van drives in front of the asphalt path of the church. The man inside rolls down the window and automatically opens the sliding door of this black van. So, this is their plan. The twelfth man in the mafia is the getaway driver. Still, I fight my way through. I try and try to remove his grip off my mouth. I keep kicking and wriggling my way to freedom. As I was able to be free of his grip on my mouth, I shout from the top of my lungs the loudest scream I could give.

"Professor Diwa, help me!"

And suddenly… he came.

He steps out of the double doors of the church with his same placid ways. Even the mafia are stunned into silence. It was as if time had stopped when he went out of the church. Hope is alight in my eyes as I see him look at me with much pity and desire to save me. All he needs to do is call the police, and let the mafia suffer. Ysabel will go down as these men go down.

And suddenly, he did not.

All he does is turn a blind eye and walk away. As the men realize that he will not do anything, the man carries me into the van. Still, I fight. I keep wriggling and kicking, hoping the he would just drop me. I know it will be a futile fight, but I will be free.

"No, please, help me!" I scream once more.

But, still. He walks away towards the opposite direction heading for the city center. As I see him walk away, I could feel all my strength draining away. Is my fate to be like Mateo and his parents? Dear, god! No!

"Professor Diwa, please!"

He does not even turn back. As I realize that he will not help, all I could do is let out sobs of anguish.

"Please! Please!"

It was no use. And either way, it's too late. The man throws me inside the van as he keeps his grip on my waist. As he shuts the door of the van, he covers my nose with a handkerchief. With that unusual scent of a chemical, it dawns on me slowly that this is not just a perfume. Chloroform.

Chloroform takes a while to work, though. With my strength all gone, I could only let this go on. I do my best to look around and figure out who these persons might be. I look into my perpetrator's hand and see a reddish birthmark on his hand. And in my mind, I pray I'll remember that detail.

As they drive me away to some place unknown, I think. Why? I put all my hopes to him, yet why? Why did he not help me? Why did he let me be taken away by my perpetrators? He says he is not on her side, and yet, by letting this happen, he did the opposite.

All I can feel is nothingness at this time. He had forsaken me. I put all my love for him, and yet he had forsaken me. As I drift away to sleep, all I could feel is a single tear drop out of my closing eyes.