It may Hurt but we Need Them

"Hhhhu hhhu hhhhhhu,"

The sound of my ragged breath rattles inside my head and mixes with the dull thud of my feet against the wooden floor. The numb sensation of fear permeates my mind, destroying any hope for complex thought. I'm reduced to my most basic instincts, the desire to hide. My eyes desperately search for any potential havens as I flee through this cramped hall. Out of necessity, I chose the closest door to my right and swing the door open. The room is littered with empty cardboard boxes, wooden crates, and scraps of plastic like a scaled down landfill. I close the door as quietly as possible, plunging the room into darkness. I head towards the vague silhouette of a wooden box large enough to fit me. I begin to scramble inside when the light squeak of a door knob turning pierces the air. I abandon my initial plan and crouch behind the box. Light floods the room just as I take a deep breath. I cover my mouth with my hands and focus on making no sounds at all. All I can hear is the light shuffle of feet among the trash until,

"Hey."

I suppress the urge to squeal as an emotionless voice addresses me. I turn my head slowly to see who's speaking. A tall, slim man stands oppressively over me. He has spiky black hair and light blue eyes but the most outstanding aspect of his appearance is his face. His eyes and chin are laced with deep purple chunks of wrinkled skin held together by crude stitches and staples. His appearance gives off a mismatched, jagged vibe. I can recognize him as one of the newest members of the League, Dabi. I thought that I had gotten used to his patchwork aesthetic but it's even more unsettling in this tense situation. He continues to talk in an annoyed tone, as if my mere presence is a distraction.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asks. Before I can answer, a playful call echoes from down the hall.

"Oh, Deku~." The cheerful appeal causes my skin to tighten. "Come on Deku~. I just want answers~."

Dabi's eyes are drawn to the open door. When he looks back to me, a malicious smirk is beginning to from. His intent is crystal clear.

"No, please don't do this," I plead as loudly as possible while still whispering. "Anything but that, please." My cries fall on deaf ears. He turns to the open doorway and yells in a fake voice.

"What's that, Deku! You're hiding from Toga?! And you're in the third open door on the right?!"

Barely a moment of silence passes before I can hear rapid footsteps travelling down the hall.

"Ugh, seriously?" I groan aloud before ejecting myself from my ruined hiding spot as Dabi chuckles to himself. Running won't be an option as long as she knows where I am so I need to buy myself some time. I grab the crate that I was using as cover and hoist it into the air. I place it haphazardly in front of the doorway while I do my best to ignore the approaching terror. Reluctantly, I dip into the hallway in order to get an idea of how desperate the situation is. I'm greeted by a girl in a bland school uniform with her blonde hair tied into two messy buns. Her pronounced canine teeth and yellow eyes visually remind me of a cat. Her mouth twists into a grin at the sight of me.

"Deku! Tell me all about Mr. Stain!" she demands in a spirited tone. "Does he have a serious face? Does he look really scary? How do you talk to him? What's the best place to stab him? Come on and tell me already!" She accents her requests with the flash of a knife in her pocket.

"I already told you, Toga, Stain wants to stay discreet even with the League. I can't tell you anything. And stop breaking into my room!" I respond as I duck back into the room. In reality, Stain never specifically said that but I can guess that he wouldn't appreciate me talking about him, especially to someone as eccentric as Toga.

"Then I'll just make you tell me everything~," Toga adds as she closes the distance between us. Just as she appears in the doorway, I grab her right wrist with both hands. While she's caught off guard, I yank hard enough to make her stagger towards me. Before our bodies can collide, I swivel to the right to avoid contact. She stumbles over my outstretched leg and the momentum is enough to send her flying. Toga can't manage to completely recover but she does turn around enough to avoid falling flat on her face. Still, it's not enough and she lands awkwardly into the crate I placed in front of the door. As she struggles to escape her peculiar position, I dash out the room. But not before I can through a nasty look back at Dabi, who's still snickering bemusedly.

With that, the entire second level has been ruled out as a potential shelter so the only feasible option that I have left is the bar. I take the stairs five at a time as I hit the ground with a painful thump. Even before I landed, the eyes of each present League member is already glued to the staircase. Kurogiri's shadowy body stands out from behind the counter. He looks concerned and ready to intervene at a moment's notice.

"You should've known that the Hero Killer would attract a few fanatics. You've only yourself to blame, Deku. Naming yourself as the only link to Stain was shortsighted." The coy voice that teases me comes from Mr. Compress as he wags a finger disapprovingly. His flamboyant mask, bulky overcoat, and gaudy top hat only serve to mock me further.

Although, he is right. It was stupid of me to mention that I was the one who contacted Stain. All of the new members were so intimidating that I felt like I needed to justify my presence. But now I'm the center of attention for the most obsessed recruits. Being the focus of all this attention is the worst.

"Well, you could just help me. Compress me into one of your marbles and slip me into your pocket. We are colleagues now," I add desperately.

"Tut-tut, Deku," he returns condescendingly. "That's such a boring way out. If you want me to help then you'll need to come up with something much more creative."

"Besides, it's so much fun to watch you squirm." The deep voice that interrupts our exchange belongs to the hulking figure of Magne. Even while hunched over the bar, her muscular form is intimidating. She turns to address me and I can see the hint of a sadistic grin creeping onto her face. "At this point, you're just a meek, little mouse for the cat to play with. It's far too entertaining for us to intervene."

Compress nods enthusiastically in agreement. I can't help but wonder why all the new members had to be so cruel.

With Compress ruled out, there's only one possible way to evade Toga. I didn't actually want to act on this last resort plan but I've got no choice now. Even those two would be better than Toga right now. "Kurogiri, I need you to take me to the Nomu factory," I request, trying to hide the reluctance in my voice.

"But, Midor- Deku," he responds, trying cover for his accidental use of my real name. "You know that Shigaraki is,"

"Yeah, I know," I interrupt. I wouldn't normally act this rude except I just heard the light patter of footsteps coming from upstairs. Kurogiri seems to have noticed as well, as a warp gate materializes promptly. Without waiting for a cue, I dive into the portal.

I'm greeted by familiar, sterile concrete on the other side. The light groans and moans of machinery permeate the air, as per usual, but there's a new sound that is foreign to this place. The sound of conversation. I'm usually the only one here so it feels odd to hear other people talking. The loudest voice seems to be talking about the Nomus.

He declares, "They look pretty scary, Shigaraki, and they're so cute!" Oddly, his voice changed mid-sentence from a fake tough guy to an obsessed middle schooler. As I round a corner, I can see the small group of three that has formed in front of one of the Nomu tanks. The source of the transforming voice is a man in full, grey spandex that I recognize as Twice. I can vaguely remember him acting strange when he first joined but I had passed that off as nerves at the time. Now, it seems that he's just a very peculiar guy.

Before Twice can start rambling, a second member interrupts. "Yes but why do you even have them, Shigaraki? These soulless monsters can't possibly be in line with Stain's ideology." It's much easier to identify the speaker as Spinner. Not just because of the fact that he's a lizard but because his outfit is an almost exact copy of Stain's. He's fully decked out with the flowing scarf and mask but in this danger free environment, he looks pretty silly.

In between Twice and Spinner, I can easily identify the slouching figure of Shigaraki. Although I can't see his face, I can tell from the way that his body slightly trembles that he's exasperated. Kurogiri firmly believed that Shigaraki should get more accustomed with the new members but starting off with two of the most childish recruits may have been too much. I half expected for all three of them to be at each other's throats by now.

Although, I can't imagine it going much better with any of the other members either. From the very first meeting, when Toga and Dabi asked to join, Shigaraki has been even more unresponsive than usual. At first, I naively thought that bolstering the League's strength would result in a positive change for his attitude but only the opposite has been true so far.

"What do you think, Deku? Aren't their dead fish eyes adorable?" Twice suddenly asks in a still fluctuating inflection. I can't think of a proper response before Shigaraki, in response to my appearance, shuffles towards me.

Just as he passes by, he whispers in a threatening tone, "For the love of god, get them off my damn back," before striding past me. He pulls out his phone and I can guess that he's demanding a ride from Kurogiri. While I watch Shigaraki type with increasing frustration, Spinner races towards me with an excited look.

"Hey, um, Deku," he starts off, stumbling as he goes. "I was wondering if, uh, you could tell me about the Hero Killer." He watches me expectantly for a reaction. Usually, he acts aloof around the others but he always acts like a fanboy around me. Judging from his attire, he idolizes Stain in a much more genuine sense than Toga does. It's kind of familiar.

Still, I have to be stern in my response. "I already told you, I can't just talk about Stain like that. He wanted to maintain an air of mystique," I add.

"No, I totally get that. I don't want to know his address or whatever that crazy chick has been on about. I just want to know what he's like, you know?" he replies.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Spinner. Are you talking about his personality?" I ask.

Before Spinner can stammer out an answer, Twice interjects in a fake, scholarly voice. "I think what my comrade is attempting to request is information about the Hero Killer's demeanor."

He looks to the sky in a pose ripped straight from Hamlet, with one hand outstretched to the stars. "The Hero Killer is the solitary banner under which we have all united. His dream for a better world is one which we all share. However, like any idol, he seems so far away to our common hands." Twice accentuates his speech by falling to his knees and reaching forwards with both hands. "It is only through you, Deku, that we can hope to understand this far-off hero."

Twice remains in his pose, attempting to grasp some ethereal object, far off in the distance. His static position is too ridiculous and I can't suppress the rising laughter in my chest. "Hahahahahahaha!" I burst out, drawing a inquisitive look from Twice.

"You dare mock my art!" he roars in a much deeper voice. Twice isn't the only source of amusement. Spinner has been thrust into the same strange situation as me but instead of laughing, he's staring dumbfounded at Twice's complete lack of self awareness.

"Idiots." I can hear Shigaraki insult us under his breath before rounding the corner and, assumedly, returning to the bar. He's always been a bit of a stick in the mud but it sounded like he really meant it.

"So, anyways," Spinner says, having finally gotten his mind back on track after all of that, "Twice was actually kinda spot on. I just want to know if he really lives up to it all."

With that, I can finally put my finger on what feels so familiar about Spinner. The way that he's obsessed with Stain mirrors how I felt about All Might up until a few months ago. That wide eyed fascination with your hero, a person who has ideals that you can really get behind. To see that childish behavior reflected in a full grown man is actually kind of charming.

I spend a few moments collecting my thoughts before I answer him. "When I talked to Stain, he was intimidating. Not just because he was decked out with swords and knives but because he seemed so authentically determined." Spinner seems entranced and even Twice has broken his pose in order to pay more attention.

I continue while looking at nothing in particular. "When he talked about his ideals, it was so obvious that he believed every word that he was saying. It wasn't some fake statement that was prepared ahead of time. It was all thought of in the heat of the moment. Honestly, it scared me. I felt like my own resolve was being undermined by this man that was surely ten times more dedicated than I was. But when he joined the League, I began to feel differently. The fact that someone like him deemed the League, and me, as worthy causes is a source of comfort. His faith in us makes me feel like there's no doubt that the League is doing the right thing. Overall, Stain is a threatening man but he's also the kind of person that can really make you believe in something."

Spinner lets out a low whistle. "Man, he must really be something special."

"Not as special as your wacky hair," Twice adds while stroking Spinner's pink hair.

"Wha- Hey, don't screw with it!" he demands, swatting Twice's hands away.

I can't help but snicker as I watch the two struggle. I was really apprehensive about coming here, since Spinner seemed like another maniac and Twice was just plain weird. However, I can feel myself warming up to both of them. It makes me feel hopeful. I may never understand Twice but if I can relate to Spinner, maybe I can find common ground with some of the other members as well.

I spend the next few hours with Spinner and Twice. Shigaraki was supposed to explain the purpose of the Nomus to the pair but it seems like he just did his best to ignore the two of them. Eventually, we stumbled onto the subject of quirks. Twice was eager to show off his double ability but Spinner seemed reluctant to share his.

"Even among allies, I can't risk sharing that. It's my secret weapon,"he explained.

"I bet that 'your secret weapon' is just being a lizard," Twice responded.

"No it's not!" Spinner cried out. "It's super cool. You just aren't allowed to know about it." Any further prodding only resulted in an increasingly foul mood.

I was able to answer most of their questions about the League, although I did my best to avoid the topic of Shigaraki. It was easy to tell that they were thoroughly unimpressed with him so far.

Neither of them wanted to stick around to watch me train so they left a while ago. In between practice matches with the training Nomu, I hear the familiar buzz of my phone. It's a message from Kurogiri reading "Please return now. Surprise waiting." It doesn't look urgent so this surprise is probably something fairly tame but I can't imagine what it might be. I reply with a simple okay and barely a moment passes before a portal materializes.

As expected, the bar is the scene that waits for me on the other side. What's unusual is that, despite the increased number of residents, it's empty. There's no here except for Kurogiri and a blonde girl that's slouching over the counter and oh no.

Recognizing Toga, I instinctively step back into the warp gate. Except, it's disappeared and I only collide with the wall. The dull thud of my back against hard brick attracts Toga's attention as she immediately perks up. However, instead of pursuing me like I thought she would, she seems to back off under the watchful eyes of Kurogiri.

"Toga," Kurogiri begins, "is there anything that you want to apologize about?" Toga pouts in response, driving Kurogiri further. "Specifically in regards to this morning?"

She sighs aloud before speaking in a fake, apologetic voice. "I'm sorry for violating your rights and your privacy."

"And?" Kurogiri says, spurring her on.

"And I'll never do it again." She throws in a impish smile at the end and I can see two fingers crossed behind her back. "Is that all?"

She's off her chair and up the stairs before Kurogiri has the chance to respond. We both sigh in unison as I collapse into my usual spot.

"You know that she's gonna try again, right?" I ask dismally.

Kurogiri is equally dejected in his reply. "Yes."

I continue. "And you know that she's crazy, right?"

"Yes."

The conversation ends there as I hold my head in my hands and moan, "Why did things need to get so complicated so quickly?" That smidgen of hope that I had earlier has already faded into dust.

"That reminds me," Kurogiri adds, "I need your help. I need you to talk to Shigaraki." A wave of fatigue hits me at the mention of his name. A part of me knew that some intervention was needed but I had prayed that I wouldn't need to get involved.

"His demeanor has been falling apart for a while now, ever since the Hero Killer joined, and it's begun to affect the new members' perception of League. All for One doesn't feel the need to intervene yet but I think it would be better to act now instead of later. All of my attempts at communication have fallen flat so I think that you're best option now."

"What makes you think that I can change anything? Shigaraki has always hated me. I'm sure that I'd just make it worse," I add, crestfallen.

"I'm not so sure," Kurogiri replies in a hesitant tone. "I don't think that Shigaraki has ever hated you. I think that you can at least attempt to talk with him."

I guess that I can't argue with that.

Time passes slowly as I wait by the front door of our hideout. The sun has long since sunk past the horizon , leaving the sky in hazy darkness. Shigaraki departed on one of his mood walks so I'm left to wait for him to come back,. I'd wait inside but I'm a little afraid of making a scene so I'm left trapped in this cramped alley. Despite my efforts I can feel the weight of passing time pulling my eyelids shut. Just as my mind begins to drift into the deep ocean of unconsciousness, my eyes vaguely perceive a slouching silhouette shuffling towards the building. Even with his face cloaked in darkness, I can recognize Shigaraki from his light blue hair peeking from beneath his hood. He seems to have noticed me as well, having stopped in his tracks at the sight of me. Then, he resumes his trek towards the front door. However, he nonchalantly brushes past me and continues down the alley. He didn't bother to look at me as he passed but from that distance, I could tell that his face wasn't covered like usual. Only at that moment did I fully process the fact that I had never seen Shigaraki's face before.

Without speaking, I stand up and follow him. As we stray further and further from base, my mind immediately wanders to the gravest outcome. With Shigaraki's temper, I can't rule out the possibility of attempted murder. I'd like to think that he would never but, as we plummet deeper into the night, my faith begins to waver.

Shigaraki seems to be have no particular destination in mind as we wander among twisting alleys and lanes with neither of us uttering a word. Despite the sense of fear that slowly worms its way into every thought, the walk itself is oddly pleasant. I haven't really wandered outside of the hideout that much, for fear of being recognized. That particular concern seems to melt away under the cover of night. I wonder if Shigaraki feels the same way.

Abruptly, Shigaraki's path bends towards what seems to be an abandoned building that's similar to the one we call home. He ducks in through a doorless doorway and I follow. The empty floor that we find ourselves occupying is devoid of working lights. The signs of surrounding buildings and the pale sky act as the only source of light.

"Do you regret it, Deku?" Shigaraki asks, acting as the first one to break the silence between us. "Do you think that granting membership to that self-righteous bastard was a good idea? I don't. Now, the League is crammed full of idiots spouting his garbage. My League has been turned into some kind of fan club for Stain." As he speaks, Shigaraki is almost completely still. His only perceptual movements are the light twitch of his fingers.

"Now we're stuck with him and all of the brats that he brought with him. It's ruined everything. And it's all your fault." He turns to look at me.

From his insistence on wearing that hand, I had always thought that Shigaraki was hiding something terrible. Some flaw or disfigurement that he was ashamed of or found disgusting. As I finally see his full face, there's nothing like that. Deeply worn bags weigh down his eyes and his mouth is marked with a small scar. There's nothing that would suggest any desperate need for a mask.

But his face still sends tremors through my body. What scares me is the way that his features are contorted with rage. The way that his lips pull back to reveal his gritted teeth. And the way that his eyes shine with an intent to kill.

I can't stop myself from backing up a few steps. I want to run away. I want to make sure that I put a world of distance between me and him. But this feeling is very familiar. It takes me a moment to place it and it takes even longer to gather up the courage for what I want to do next.

"Shigaraki, I don't think you understand. What Stain believes in is an important factor to his… popularity but that isn't why he's become a rallying point." I lock eyes with Shigaraki in an attempt to assert my point. I do my best to match his enraged stare as I continue.

"What makes him such an inspiration is his dedication. It's his unshakeable belief in his own ideals. Even though he hasn't spoken a word to any of them, every single one of the new members find themselves entranced by his sheer drive. He's shown that he is willing to kill for the world that he wants to create. But you haven't."

Shigaraki is as incensed by my last statement as I expected. He begins to advance on me but, against the screaming voice of instinct, I don't retreat.

"You've never shown anything close to the level of desire that Stain has. I've known you for months and I still had problems believing that you were serious about the League. The lazy way that you talk and act makes it seem like this is just a waste of time. You can hardly blame the new members for doubting your commitment."

Shigaraki's only a few feet away now. He's practically oozing bloodlust. He begins to raise his hand to attack.

"But they're clearly wrong!" I roar, still locking eyes. He hesitates and I take the opportunity to keep talking.

"It's obvious from the way that you're acting right now. All of the hate that you're feeling proves that you care about the League. If everyone else could see you right now, they would know that you're serious about the League's future. But this is the first time that you've ever acted like this. You need to use this passion more. Show them that you genuinely care. Even if they disagree on morals, they will still follow out of sheer admiration for your drive."

Shigaraki's hand falls back to his side. He breaks eye contact and starts staring through a window at some shape off in the distance. He looks like he's seriously considering what I'm saying but there's still so much conflict in his gaze.

"I know that you hate this. It would be perfect if everyone could just agree with us all the time but that's not how it works. We need them, Shigaraki." I'm hesitant to say what I want to say next. It might be crossing a line but Shigaraki needs one more push.

"All for One wants you to lead the League one day, right? If you're going to be our leader, then you need to be capable of making compromises." Shigaraki doesn't respond.

"It might feel wrong but all of these changes are good. It shows that we're moving forward. And it will be worth it one day. You can trust me on that."

Shigaraki doesn't answer. There must be a viscous battle going on inside of his head. He can be stubborn so I don't know if I made any dent in his mentality at all. He continues to stare out the window, as if the answer to his turmoil lies out on the horizon. Eventually, his eyes close as he exhales deeply. He begins to advance towards me again. I stay rooted to the ground in a final effort to prove my conviction. Shigaraki lingers in front of me for a short second before brushing past me.

"Come on. Let's head back," he calls out.

Without thinking, I let out a long sigh as the tension in my body is slowly released. As soon as feeling returns in my legs, I jog to catch up a little before falling back into our slow gait from earlier. As I walk behind Shigaraki, I can't help but notice that he seems to be slouching a little bit less.