Chapter XI

The next morning she woke up truly numb. Her eyes were puffy and her throat sore. Her chest felt heavy with each breath she took. Aelin couldn't find the words to describe how much it hurt. Her grandparents were dead, her only family she had ever known, gone in a blink of an eye. She couldn't even see them for one last time, they probably died while being worried sick because of her disappearance, waiting for an answer, but life was so fucked up and they were never meant to be given that answer, because she couldn't afford putting them in danger by escaping and going home. The messed up part was that her protection was useless. She wasn't brave enough, brave enough to escape, to have went to the police as soon as she had witnessed that fucking murder nor to have fought that man, that stranger that somehow swooped her in a world far from her imagination, a murderer, a liar, the man that took her from her tranquility, the one that shook her plain world like an earthquake, the same man that was hugging her now, keeping her warm, trying to keep her away from the sharp pain of misery.

It was already night time when she realized her surroundings. They were in his room, in his bed, she must have fallen asleep in his arms while crying. She must have gone crazy too while at it because there was no possible way this could be real. At least that was what she believed, but once again, Aelin was wrong.

- It hurts less with time.

His words were smooth, like silk and for the first time, no threat, no sign of malice. She looked up and saw him staring down at her expressionless. His words felt right, they were comforting. She loved that, she actually loved that he was not asking if she was ok because damn right she wasn't, she loved that he wasn't implying anything but the truth, it hurts, it will probably hurt even more but one day it will hurt less. Aelin was grateful for that, more than she thought she could have.

- Thank you..

Her voice was soft and hoarse but she managed to speak.

- I know it's hard to but you must pull yourself together, because if you don't, no one else will. Believe me, I've been there all my life.

His words were meant to make her feel better but the more she tried to understand them the more she felt like giving up.

- How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to do anything when all I know is that I feel so... so...

-Tired? Fed up yet weak?

He was so fast to understand her, to grasp her inner thoughts and lay them in plain sight that it almost scared her.

- Yes...

- In life there is only one person to love and fear, darling. The strongest ally and the most terrifying enemy. You can name it Aelin.

- No.

- Why?

His voice got harsh and it made her rise so she can get up from the bed but he wouldn't have left her so easily, not at this point. She knew where he was going with this topic and she was not up for it at this point.

- Do it!

- No!

- And why is that?

- Because I'm afraid.

Her screaming made her realize she was indeed afraid. But she couldn't understand what was she afraid of? Was it him? Was it death? What was it that she was afraid of? She looked up at him and once she saw his piercing eyes it all came crashing down. The reason for all her fears, her sorrows, her happiness, her everything and when he asked her one more time to name it, she could only give in to his demand.

- Myself. It's who I am.

- Miss Mercer, I must let you know that this is how you start to get over it, once you admit this defeat . The rest, I'm sure you'll figure it out yourself as time goes by, at some point, that's all we get, time.. For regret, for tears, for anger management issues, or for whatever your mind desires. Spend it wisely !