TMSN - Chapter 12
Walking into school, was nerve-wracking. I did notice that a few people were looking at me and whispering to their friends, but Joy kept reminding me to keep cool and relaxed.
As we got our lockers we quickly get everything we needed for our first lessons. I looked at my timetable, I noticed that my first class was with Mr White, so I didn't stress about going to his office first, he would understand, hopefully.
"Ready?" I asked Joy, taking my bag from her, slinging it onto my back before shutting and locking my locker.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that." She said, smiling, "Let's go this."
Shutting and locking her locker, we made our way through the thinning crowd to our English class.
*
Sitting down in our usual chairs, the majority of the class was already there sitting on tables, in groups gossiping, I did notice people looking at me whispers, like people in the hallway.
I looked at Joy to find she was already looking at me, concerned. I give her a small thumbs up and smile showing that I'm okay, and pulled out my earphones and plugged them into my phone before putting them into my ears, playing some Falling in Reverse, zoning out from reality.
But not before long, Mr White and the rest of the class came in, walking past, Mr White tapped my table, signalling me to turn off my music and listen up. Doing so, I looked up at his desk, to find him looking at me, worried. I gave him a slight nod to show I'm fine, which he returned with a smile before turning to the class, calling attention and doing the roll call.
*
All through class, I was distracted, busy thinking about being back, having to see Mr White and the likelihood of running into Natasha. It was a lot to think about, and I could feel myself spiralling.
I started hyperventilating, breathing became more and more difficult. Then it kicked in, I was having a panic attack.
I couldn't breathe, I stood up, clutching onto my crutches getting out as fast as I can, forgetting my bag and books.
Once out of the room, I got a little way down the hall before collapsing, gasping for air. I felt like I was drowning.
I didn't hear Joy leave the class when she rested a hand on my shoulder, scaring me until I noticed it was her.
"Breath, it's okay Shadow, breath with me. In. Out…" Everything that she said sounded muffled, but I followed her breathing like she said. It helped a little bit, enough for me to stand up.
"Thank…you," I say, breathing deeply, a cold sweat covering me.
"Here's your bag, Mr White let us go for the rest of the less. Would you be able to go to your next class?" She asked, handing me my bag.
"I think I can handle it, Janette will be there so I have someone if anything goes wrong," I add, giving her a small soft smile, trying to show that I'm okay, if she believed it I wouldn't know.
"Okay, well text me if anything happens. Do you want Joe to know what happened?" She asked.
"Will do, and no thanks, he will only worry and that isn't good," I explain, knowing how Joe would be, he tends to overreact, but it's because he cares.
"Come on, let's start heading towards your class, no rush we have time," Joy said as we started walking.
"Let's head to our lockers first, since they're along the way," I advise, Joy nodded, agreeing since we did have a lot of time.
*
*
*
In Photography Janette sat next to me, talking about her weekend since I banded school topics, mainly the times when I wasn't here, like last week. After this morning, the panic attack and how my anxiety has been, I don't want another relapse.
"How was your week, weekend whatever you want to discuss," Janette asked, changing the subject off of herself.
"Slow, quiet but kinda nice," I say, as Janette shakes her head at my response.
"Nice Shadow, want to give me more details or not," she replied getting all sassy, she couldn't even keep a straight face.
"Fine. If it all goes well, I may be able to get the cast off by the end of the week, I'm healing really good and fast too."
"That's really good to hear, I'm happy for you. You will finally get the cast off and can get back to normalcy."
"Gonna be amazing, I can't wait till I don't need the crutches anymore, they are so annoying," I said, leaning back into my chair, patting the crutches while sighing.
"I bet, how's your assignment coming along?" She asked, looking at my computer screen which had nothing open, while hers had her work open.
"Finished, I finished all my assignments last week, had nothing better to do," I replied, opening the completed document and quickly showed her then closed it down before putting my laptop to sleep, and taking out my phone and opened Wattpad.
"Lucky," Janette exclaims, groaning before getting back to work.
*
As the bell rang for the end of class, Janette and I went our own ways for the break.
As I reached my locker, Joy was already there, rushing between putting stuff away and grabbing out other things.
"What's going on, where's the fire?" I asked, opening my locker, taking books from my bag, and switching them with a textbook for my class after break, so I don't have to worry about coming back here.
"One of my teachers want to talk to me about an assignment, will you be okay being alone during the break?" She asked, talking really fast, that if anyone else heard her talking they wouldn't be able to keep up and understand her.
"I'll be fine a teacher wanted to talk to me too, go before your late and I'll see in our next class," I say before watching Joy run off after yelling a quick goodbye.
*
When I got to Mr White's office, I wasn't too sure if he would be in there. I took a deep breath before knocking, after hearing a quiet "come in" I walked into the office to find Mr White, typing furiously on his laptop, concentrating on what he was working on
Trying to be as quiet as I could possibly be I shut the door gently behind me, before moving to sit in my usual chair, making little to no sound, so not to disturb and distract him.
"How's it all going?" Drew asked, shutting his laptop screen after finishing whatever he was typing before turning towards me, giving me all his attention.
"Alright, I guess," I say, not quite meeting his gaze, embarrassed from my panic attack, and not quite ready to talk about it, but I know that he would want to talk about anyway and on top of that the Natasha shit that's happening on top of that.
"Not ready to talk about this morning?" He asked, but I knew he already knew my answer to that, based on his small smile just confirmed my suspicions.
"Not really, maybe later," I say, nodding with my option, moving to place my bag at my feet, tired on leaning on it.
"Okay, whenever your ready, I'm here always," he says, resting a hand on my knee quickly before moving to make himself a coffee, he did offer me one, my I decided against it, probably wasn't the best thing to have after a panic attack and when trying to calm my heart down.
"How was last week," I asked. I know I was treading on thin ice, last week isn't something I didn't want to bring up, but when it comes to what happened with Mr White I wanted to know, and I wanted to know if Natasha tried anything.
"It was alright, I missed you though," he replied sitting back into his chair, moving it closer to me before putting his cup filled with coffee on the table next to us.
"I missed you too," I say honestly, feeling the heat rise up my neck after admitting it in person.
"Have you seen Natasha today?" He asked, leaning back in his seat, changing the subject.
"Not yet, but the school is only so big," I respond, still anxious about all that drama.
"What will you do if you guys run into each other?" He asked.
"Honestly, I don't know, If my anger might take control and I get violent, or I'll have another breakdown," I explained, not really too sure on what I would actually do or how I would react if she did something.
"Well, if anything does happen come to me, okay, I'm here for you," he said, looking at me in the eyes, showing his honesty, making me smile.
"Of course, thank you," I say just as the bell rang signalling the beginning of classes.
"Let's go, I'll see you in geography Shadow, I need to get everything ready," he said, pulling me into a tight hug before leaving a light kiss on my forehead.
"See you in class Drew," I whisper before grabbing my bag and crutches, leaving his office and making my way to the classroom.
*
*
*
Geography went by slow and long, not that I minded too much, Joy seemed happier than normal, whatever happened when she met her teacher must've been good, she could barely sit still all through the lesson.
Mr White and I kept stealing glances at each other right up till the end of the lesson when the bell rang.
Standing up, Joy came to help me with all my stuff after she packed up her own. Mr White gave us a nod goodbye before we left the classroom, while we left he sat at his desk typing away on his computer.
Walking down the halls was still weird, I noticed even more people looking at me, something must have happened or something. Maybe there's something on my face.
*
As Joy and I got to our lockers, we just grabbed our bags with our laptops and anything we needed to take home since we didn't have a lesson after lunch, but instead of going home straight away we went to our hidden tabled and had some quiet time, gossiping and talking about classes and school work.
"What happened when you saw your teacher at recess?" I ended up asking her, the curiosity killing me.
"Oh nothing much, apart from acing my music performance and getting the opportunity to get scouted at the school's concert!" She exclaimed getting really excited and hyper making let out a light laugh at her behaviour.
"I'm so happy for you, going to be really good for you, and Joe would totally agree," I say, as she pulls me into a tight hug which I returned. She really did deserve this.
"Thank you Shadow, that means a lot," she giggled before pulling away from the hug, as we both sat back down.
"Anytime. I will always support your dreams," I replied, "Wanna go home early, or stay here and chill?" I asked.
"I don't mind staying here, getting fresh air, it's nice here," she responded.
"Then we shall stay here until we want to go home," I agree as we went back to our laptops doing school work, listening to the birds singing and how the wind blows through the leaves on the surrounding trees, it was peaceful and amazing.