Back and Forth

There comes a moment of confusion when you want to run away from the situation and think to stay in the same time. It was that moment for me. I stood there frozen in his arms calculating in my head to stay and let the moment do the magic or run because I don't think it belongs to me. What should I do? His mouth keeps coming closer and closer and his eyelids were closed. His warm breath was brushing my lips. I could hear his heart pounding hard or was it my heart. I looked at his beautiful face and thought of maybe he was my destiny but... There are always those but's surrounding me. Thinking about it all, I thought of letting go. I closed my eyes surrendering to the moment and just when I was about to get lost, he pushed me away. He walked away and stood far from me.

" Do you think I would kiss you? Do you have feelings for me? Don't... Don't feel for me, I will never have it for you. I already had a woman I loved, though she's not with me now but nobody can take her place. I'm not insulting you but it was a warning to not get closer to me. I'm another tragedy again"he shouted looking at the other direction. I stayed stunned in my place thinking of what just happened.

" I didn't mean to... I thought... I" tears started running down my face before I could even think. I ran to my room and shut the doors close falling on my knees. My body ached right now. It was a heartbreak, rejection and humiliation at the same time. He had a woman so what right he had to insult me like that. I must have looked crazy maniac eager to kiss. Not to fall in another tragedy? I'm already in the tragedy. Yes, I have feelings for you and I know I love you. Why do you have to...like that? I feel so humiliated and broken. What should I do? Go to the river bridge again and kill myself. No, not now! The water must be cold, at daytime it would get little warm. Should I leave this place, I don't think I can show him my face again. But I have nowhere to go. I might die in the cold if I stayed outside. I'll sneak out early in the morning before anyone notices. Yes, it's better. I went to my bed and lied down. I must have cried for another 2-3 hours before I went to sleep.

It was 5 in the morning when I woke up, gathered my stuff and started to leave. I put on my own clothes and walked out of the room with my sandals on the hands to avoid any sound. The palace was extremely dark and silent. There seemed to be nobody around. It was a good opportunity to flee without being noticed. I hurried myself out of the house making lesser of the sound. When I was out of his palace, I wore my shoes and ran as fast I could to the main gate passing the great lawn. I finally breathe in peace coming out but once again I turned my head to look at the place. I don't know when will I be here again or when will I meet him but I know I don't want him to suffer because of me. When I was going to turn away from the house I saw a dark figure watching at me from the balcony of the room I stayed in. It was him... Baadal. He knew I was going. We had a brief moment of looking at each other. I turned back and ran as far as my foots would take me away from him. I ran towards park with tears in my eyes and hid myself behind a trees. It was still dark and the air was too cold but my heart was more cold than the air. I cried and cried again remembering him and his words. I cursed myself a thousands times to meet him, to get into troubles, to get him to help me, to fall for him. My feelings, it's first I loved a man, why did it happen to me? I cursed myself again and again; again and again I cried.

I stood up finally when it started to light. I took out my glasses and wore them feeling my eyes swollen from crying and made my way to the hospital. I went to Harry's ward and opened the door. Amma and Harry were sleeping sound so I quietly grabbed amma's purse and took the house keys. I took my car and headed straight to home.

It was already night and I was still working in my office. I go home every morning get freshened up,have my breakfast and come back to work. I spend my days working in the office, skipping afternoon meals or order meals in my office to avoid running into him. After office I have my dinner outside and I spend my night in a rental home I took far away from my house. It's been one week when we last talked in his house and me playing hiding and avoiding with him. Harry is recovering fast and preparations of his marriage are to its peak. I'm glad Harry is finally happy and marrying one he loves. My parents are back to their business abroad again leaving Amma and me alone. I always stay out so Amma cooks for me only in morning and then spends rest of her day with Harry. Even I know I'm living miserably but it's better than living in sympathy. I don't see him anymore but I keep missing him more, keep loving him more with the time.

It's yet another day ended when I have to get back home. I ordered my dinner in the office and prepared to leave. Getting down at the parking I started my car and steered to home. In the middle of the route, my car stopped. I tried to start the engine but it would not start. I looked at the fuel meter, it was... I forgot to fill the fuel in my car. When will I learn to stop being in troubles? I'm getting sick of myself. The route to my home is silent, dark and dangerous. There not even any fuel station nearby. I'm doomed to stay here I believe. I locked the car and slept in my car, luckily I had blankets in the trunk of my car or else I would be freezing in night.

It was 12 in the night when I heard someone knocking my car outside. I woke up alarmed as it could be anyone, a gangster or even robbers. The person outside was knocking continuously. It stopped and my cellphone started ringing. It was unknown user. I picked it up and the voice came bringing me panic and heart attack, " It's me baadal outside, open the door" Baadal what was he doing here in middle of the night. I opened the door and it was really him.

" Now you sleep in streets too" he said teasingly.

" it's because my car ran out of fuel. Well are you hunting animals or want to be hunted by one that you are here in middle of the this silent street" I retorted back.

His expression changed from serious to smiley" I was passing by and saw the car, I thought the car owner might be in need of help so I came in but it turned out to be you"

" I don't need any more help from you. You can go where you were going" I shut him angrily.

He smiled again as if hurt and replied, " it's not gentlemanly of me to let you be alone in this place" he looked here and there in dark and said again" see, it's not safe for you to be here. Come with me"

The concern in his eyes could not be neglected but hurt in my heart was bigger than that. I opened the doors of my car and said, " it's getting dark, you should go to your home. I'm fine here, you are nobody to worry about me. Have a good night. Bye" I got inside my car and locked the doors. I saw him standing with a dull expression in front of my car for few minutes and then left with his car to his way.

It's already been half an hour since he left but I was still finding it difficult to sleep. After thinking a lot I closed my eyes when my phone bell rang again. I picked the call without noticing the number. It was baadal again. He told me to get out of the car and open the fuel tank, he has got me fuel. I got out to find him standing next to my car with fuel container in his hand. He went to buy me fuel. Why? Why does he keep on helping me like that? Why don't you let me live peacefully when you know about my feelings? Why baadal?

I watched him filling fuel in the car. His handsome features were more handsome in light of my phone. There is not a single reason for me to hate him as he was always honest from before and I cannot love him because he said it's impossible for us. Then why do keep coming in my way when I'm trying to forget you love? Why? I saw his face turning dull and expression kept on getting darker. What is he thinking now? I guess this much fuel will be enough for me to go home. Maybe I should tell him to stop. Before I could open my mouth to tell him to stop, he stopped himself, went to his car and drove away without a word. I was both shocked and broken of what just happened. He should have least taken the money. Do I look so pathetic to him that he doesn't even say me bye? Doesn't matters, it's good for me to stay away from him. I closed my fuel tank, started the car and steered to my home. Reaching home, I fell into my bed thinking of everything that happened within these few hours. I twisted and turned in my bed whole night and couldn't sleep. No matter what I do, he would not get out of my head.

In the morning, I straightway went to fuel station in my locality and filled my fuel tank to the full. I promised myself today that I would never start my car without checking the fuel. I went to my real home and found Amma ready with my breakfast. She and I gossiped a lot during breakfast and I wished her bye to meet again tomorrow. I sat in my car and was shocked to dead. Baadal was smiling at me sitting beside me. How the hell did he get into my car? He waved hands with me, checked my fuel tank and said,"since you have full tank, can you leave me to my workplace. I don't feel like driving or take the bus today"

" Why? Where are your servants and how did you come to know I was here, how did you get in my car? I asked him narrowing my eyes.

He smirked and replied, " I see you everyday coming here with your car that's how I know you were here. Your car wasn't locked so I got in. Since you don't like me helping you uselessly, think it as you are repaying me for my help. This way you won't feel burdened"

" I can repay you with money then, tell me how much you want" widening my eyes I talked to him sweetly.

He laughed out loud holding his stomach. Why? What was so funny? Did I crack a joke? He stopped laughing and looked at me and said," no, I'm laughing at your crazy intelligence. You know even if I don't work for ages, I still have enough money to feed my generations. Why would I even require money from you" he's right. Why would he require money?

"OK fine, I'll repay you the way you want to me to repay" I drove the car in fast pace to his university. In the middle he made me stop my car in front of the Dhaba. He didn't had food in his house so he wanted me to repay him by paying for his breakfast. I'm seeing very different side of him. Something funny, crazy and cute. No matter what, I can't stop falling for him. I love him more. I was already getting late for my work so I drove the car driving off quickly his university, leaving him there and then heading to my workplace. Because of him I reached half and hour late today. What does he actually wants now?

I could not concentrate on my work because of him whole day. He said me while saying bye that he will meet in the night. What does that mean? Do I have to drop him home too? There's no way I'm gonna do that but I don't even have a choice. I have to repay him, it's better than being helped continuously with no charge.I finished my work late today so as to not run into him. I checked my cellphone, there were no calls from him. Excellent! I guess he was just kidding me about meeting in the night.

I reached home late. I didn't even had dinner so I got it packed from a restaurant. When I reached the doorway to my home, my home was already lightened. Did I left the light opened today? Getting inside, I threw food and my things in the table and spread myself over sofa closing my eyes.

" I never knew that even women can be messier than men" I opened my eyes in shock recognizing the voice. I sat straight looking at the handsome creation standing and smiling in front of me. Baadal! This man is full of mysteries. How did he get in? How did he find my home? Why is he here?

" I know what are you gonna ask so let me tell you clearly. I did a background research on where you live in night because I know you don't live in your original house. I found out that you were living here. Luckily, the home you that you bought comes under my properties, so it was easy for me to get in. I'm here because I'm hungry and I already told you we were meeting in the night. You've brought food, even I have ordered some for us. Let's eat together" he answered my questions once again. Who is he a sorcerer? He laughed so hard suddenly and stopped when I looked at him amused. Am I cracking joke? What a crazy idiot! " Are you gonna continue staring me. I know you are angry at the moment but don't forget you have to repay me" he announced making it clear, that there was no point of opposing him. I'm doomed.

I cleared the table for dinner and he helped me clean the room up. All throughout he had a big devilish smile on his face. I didn't know what was going on his mind but whatever it is I need to be fully prepared for his plans. Still I cannot, I have to repay him anyhow. After everything was set up we sat across the table for dinner.

" Have you called your home, they should know that you will be having dinner already and coming late" I said taking the bite of chapati.

" They know I'm staying here tonight. Don't worry" the bite fell from my hands. What staying here tonight? With me? No!