The Madness Within
Abigail is a Vampire who grew up in the human world. She has trained to hunt Vampires, so that she can take revenge for the death of her father and the destruction of her parents' cult. When her mother is killed, she is thrust into the Vampire world, where she must learn to control the immense power she has, while also learning about the ends and outs of the vampire world.
She finds that her struggle is much harder than she could ever imagine when she has her Formation Ceremony and learns the path she must walk. As she struggles to control her increasingly unstable powers, she encounters a human boy, who she is immediately drawn to. He also seems to cause her powers to simmer down and become more manageable. Through will power, some hunting, and a human boy, will Abigail be able to follow her destiny, or will she be consumed by the Madness Within.
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Well first of all I'm not a big fan of first person point of view. And here on webnovel I've mostly seen third person point of view so you better change that. Second try to put information about the world in small paragraphs than long continuous one. They get boring. You should rather start with dialogues and reveal the world in them slowly as it is more exciting that way. Your English is fine but just try a little-you can make it better. And I suggest you to do some reading of the translated popular novels before attempting to write one. That's my honest review.
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