Chapter 1

12 Days Before...

The wind howled and the sky turned turned black. I walked faster - more like running. The sky looked like it was two in the morning when it was actually eight in the morning. I didn't want to get caught in the storm. I crossed the street one more time and entered the shop. The sounds of horns desperately wanting to get home faded away when I walked in.

"Hello, sir." I beamed at the owner of the shop who was sitting in the counter.

"Hello, Jameela. How are you? A storm is coming. Why are you outside?" He asked bewildered.

I stood there thinking of what to say. How do you tell a seventy year old man that you rushed to his bookshop in the middle of an upcoming storm just to buy a new book called 'I AM A FEMINIST. SO WHAT?' I thought desperately of what to say, but I couldn't. So I just let my mouth speak.

"Um, there is a really important new book that I need to buy. So I am just going to quickly check it and leave." I hurriedly looked through the shelves.

"The new books are on the third shelves." He explained.

I went through them and luckily for me, there it was. I felt like jumping. I snatched it from its shelf and dropped it on the counter.

"How much?" By now, lightening was striking fast and the weather was much cooler.

"It's 2.50." He looked at me and continued, "You came only to buy this book?"

"Here, Sir. Can't really explain now. See you later." I fled out of the shop and heard his voice telling me to be careful, as I crossed the busy street. On arriving home, rain flooded like there was no tomorrow. I was drenched by the time I reached the porch. Mom flew the door open looking surprised. She was in her usual attire - a long blue dress with flowery patterns, a glove on her left hand and a ladle on her right.

"SubhanAllah! Jameela! Hurry inside. What were you doing for so long?"

"Guess what Mom. I got it." I screamed and hugged her.

"Really? Let me see it." I gave her the book I bought.

"Wow. You really have something to read now. Haha. Nice. Take it. Go and change. You will catch a cold if you remain in those clothes dear."

I changed into some casual wears since I wasn't going anywhere and fell on my bed. I couldn't sleep because I woke up few hours ago.

I tossed and turned on my bed. One thing was on my mind - my camping trip in two days time. Camping in a far away place at first freaked me out but now I'm just so excited. My mind drifted to when I first went camping. I kept nagging and crying, not wanting to leave my parents. Even at the camp, I was so angry at everything that crossed my way. This time, it will be different. I hope to have a real change there, I thought. I cuddled in my blanket when thunder and lightening struck, scared of the sound it made and the light that pierced through my window. After having a rough year at school and also in my life, all I wanted was to rest now. No drama, no worries. I sighed.

The rain seemed to stop after a while, and I jumped out of bed and went straight to the family room where everyone was getting prepared to eat breakfast.  After greeting everyone, I sat on my usual chair, trying to pile food on my plate when mom interrupted me.

"Have you greeted Dada yet? You didn't greet her when you woke up," Mom said.

Every time Dada comes to visit, Mom asks us this. She keeps an account of who greets Dada and who doesn't. Maybe it's because she knows we don't like going to greet Dada, who is our grandaunt. It's not that we don't like her. We actually love her but every time someone goes to greet her, she starts her long lectures about her life and life in general in between telling you to help her get this, and that. That is why we all try to avoid going up to her room to greet her.

"No Mom," I sigh. "I will go now."

Turning back, I climbed the stairs and turned to the right before climbing another short flight of stairs and into a living room. I walked straight to Dada's room.

"Salamu Alaikum Dada," I peered into the room.

"Amin waalaikissalam. Come in, dear."

"Dada how are you? Did you sleep well?" I remained standing to show that I would be leaving soon.

"I'm fine. Well, you see this bed is really soft. So different from my own back home. This can cause a person to have backache. You know, Ameer, your cousin told me of a research that was done and it was found that soft beds actually cause backache." She chuckled before continuing, "The generation these days are quite funny. They know of all these, but they will not stop. I'm sure even the writer and researchers still sleep on soft beds in their house." We laughed.

"Dada, you are very funny, you know?"

"But it's the truth, Jameela dear. You know, when I was younger, oh I forgot to ask how you are. I'm just blabbing about. How are you? Did you sleep well? The rain made me sleep longer." She explained.

"It's ok Dada. I'm good. Thanks. I went to the store to buy that book I told you about. Well, I have to..." I began trying to trail away from her stories.

"Oh, I remember. You and your feminist principles. It's all nonsense.  Haha. I don't know how you developed them. Aww my neck."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you okay? Dada, feminism isn't nonsense. There should be equality everywhere between men and women." I rush to her.

"Yes, my dear. It's just my neck.  Could you...? Well, we both have different views on things, but I sometimes like the idea of equality you know? But don't tell your mother."

"Oh you don't know how happy it makes me when you say that." I massage her neck as she continues telling me different stories of the past.

"...You wouldn't believe it. Your great-great-grand father told me. Haha. It was hilarious. The boy didn't have anything to say then."

"Wow that's really hilarious. I wouldn't know what to do if I was there. The embarrassment. How would I feel? God forbid." I cringe imagining I was the one in the situation that Dada just told.

"Thank you very much Dear. You should go and eat. I will have to rest for a while here."

"Ok Dada. Bye. See you later. Love you."

"Love you too dear!"

I entered the family room when everyone was eating. We began discussing our aunties' wedding which was going to take place in six months time. We talked of the clothes we would wear and the relatives that would arrive for the wedding. During holidays, we visit our hometowns and stay for a while, usually until the holiday is over.

"Hey. Do you know that Kabir has found a new girlfriend?" Amina, my immediate elder sister told us. We had finished eating and returned to the children's room.

My attention quickly went from the history book I was reading to her. I felt sad. Kabir was my boyfriend for nine months until I found out he was just a cheater. I'm glad I dumped him. I had already gotten over him, but somehow still felt a pang in my chest when I heard he was with someone else. I know it's not that I still love him. It's probably because I feel kind of sad for the girl. She is gonna to be dumped pretty soon, I thought.

"Good for him," I said.

"Really? You mean after dating Samira for 3 weeks, and Jen for 2 months? Oh, not to even talk about his 1 day flings?" Fatee stated in between mouthful of chocolate. She smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes in return. Fatee is my younger sister but we are practically like twins. I am only one and a half years older than her. That is why we tend to fight the most and annoy each other.

"I think we should forget about Kabir and talk of something else. Maybe Jameela's camp?" Amina suggested.

"It's so exciting. Tomorrow we would buy some items, right?" Ibraheem said.

"Yea. InshaALLAH." I replied.

"I don't just like this camping stuff. It kind of freaks me out, you know? I think it's dangerous," Amina said.

"Amina, there's nothing to be scared of. I'm sure it's because of all the horror stories you've heard," I told her.

"No! It's not that. It's just that, I don't know, I have a bad feeling," She said.

"It's going to be splendid. I just know it," Muhammad said.

In my family, everyone has their own characters. It's like a mini movie everyday. Fatee is the chocolate eater, even though I also love chocolate. But for her, it is an obsession. She would simply sit on the porch and divulge a whole box of chocolate with ice cream to top it up.  Muhammad is the 'engineer' of our family. Ever since he was a kid, he would take broken equipment and try to fix them up. Farah is the makeup addict, who doesn't go a day without it nor a minute without checking herself in the mirror while Amina is the quietest and friendliest. She is the most reserved of us all. Anytime Fatee and I or any of us argue, she would solve the matter amicably. I could say I'm the fashionista of the family, as my friends and sisters call me.

"Mom said we should cook anything, but we must include Zobo drink and Mango juice in the dish." My youngest brother, Al'amin entered the room and told us.

Our discussion was cut short as we trooped to the kitchen and began preparing lunch. We usually cook, except for special occasions when our Mom would cook and we help her.

"Then fried rice with chicken it will be. Don't you think?" Farah suggested and we agreed.

"We better hurry guys, you know we have to go to Sunny's house." Fatee said.

"Right. We better hurry."

***

We spent quite a while at Sunnys' place before getting back home. Sunny has been our friend since we were kids. We grew up together. We even went to the same school. Until he transferred to another school when we entered junior year. I remembered vaguely the fight that broke in our school, leading to him being wounded. It was a fight among seniors, but Sunny happened to be walking on that lane, and got a share of the beatings. His parents immediately withdrew him, saying the school had no moral values and cared less about its students. He was transferred to another school, which was farther than ours. That didn't stop our friendship from growing.

"Mom, we're back. Woah, I'm so tired. Mom?" I called out as I flipped on the couch.

"Maybe she is sleeping. Do you smell that?" Fatee said.

"Yeah. You're right. I think its coming from the kitchen," Muhammed said.

At that moment, Mom came out from the kitchen, with a spoon in her hand. "Hey sweeties. I just finished baking a cake. I want you to take it with you to your sleepaway camp. How was your afternoon? How is Melissa and her family?"

"Hmm. That explains the amazing smell Mom. They are doing great. Mrs. Melissa said that she will visit this weekend," Amina told her.

"Oh. She's going to beat me to it again. I was supposed to visit last week but I couldn't."

"Yeah. She said that she is sort of glad you didn't go. So that she can visit," Muhammad said.

Mom smiled, "a very nice lady she is.  Well, I'm glad she's coming over. Kids, go and rest before eating, ok?" Mom said before disappearing into the kitchen.

 I woke up around 4 in the afternoon. My phone kept creeping up with notifications. I lazily dragged myself to the side drawer and pulled the phone. Three were from Jane, one from Ibraheem and four from Drew. They were all informing me of our meeting at the cafe. Oh my, I said aloud. I had completely  forgotten about it.

I prayed and rushed downstairs to take a bus. The school is an hour away from my house and the cafe is located just behind the school. By the time I arrived, my friends Mariyam and Jamie were already there.

"Hey." We greeted each other.

"Tomorrow, I'm going to buy some few items for Saturday." I told them.

"I have been feeling out of everything lately. I don't know why. I took my pills before coming here." Mariyam blew air loudly.

"That's sad. Maybe it's your bipolar? Don't worry.  Camp will take everything out of your system. You will be refreshed. You'll see," Jamie said.

"Yeah. He's right. But does your auntie know? I'm sure she would persuade your parents not to let you go." I said.

"Nah. She doesn't know. I mean, you know how she can get. I begged Mom and Dad not to tell her." She laughed.

We laughed together relating experiences we had with Aunt Sakna. She is the toughest lady I had ever seen. Always wanting to be in control of everything.

At that moment, our other friends - Nina, Natalya, Maria, Katie and Jane made their way towards the cafe. Jane is the most talkative of us all, so as usual, immediately they arrived, she began narrating stories to us.

"I was washing a rug. Johnny spilled milk on it and Mom insisted I wash it. Ugh. So tiring and boring." Jane began, removing her blue striped coat and placing it on the chair.

I smirked, "You are so lazy. Who did you want to clean it?"

"Him of course. He makes a mess. He cleans it. Simple. That's how it should be.  He makes so much mess that I'm just so tired. And why do I have to always be the one? Thank God, we are going away for a while. You don't know how happy I am. At least for the time being, Kenny and Jennifer will clean his mess." She laughed, "Oh, how I wish I would be there to see how their faces will shrink and burn." She laughed again. 

Nina chirped in, "You were once a kid too. You know?"

"Yeah. But definitely not as horrible as him."

I cut her. "You? With you, I can only expect worse."

"Hey! That's not true. I was actually a good baby. My mom has always said that I have been the most quiet as a kid."

"Hmph. Story for the gods." Katie smirked.

All this while, Nat had been beaming from ear to ear for no reason, just listening to us ramble about.

"What's up with you, Nat? You seem weirdly excited." I enquired.

"I'm super excited, especially since Ryan is going. I was remembering fifth grade when we went to that museum and he was sick. Before we even arrived, the bus had to stop to take him to the hospital," Natalya said.

"Yeah. And you went hysterical and kept crying. And how old were you then? Omg. Nat, you have been crazy since you were born." Maria said.

"Oh please. I was just worried that the poor boy would get really sick." Nat said.

"Uh-huh. And when we were given a singing activity, you going in front of the whole class to show them your 'skills' is also part of, let me guess showing him how to sing right?" Jamie added.

"You guys are right. I think she kind of is obsessed with him. Like really obsessed." Nina said.

"Nina, I think we should name her obsession as ORD. Namely - Obsessive Ryan Disorder." I said and burst out laughing.

We all laughed expect Nat who was not taking it likely.

"Really, guys. Why do you keep doing this to me? That is why I don't like talking about him." Nat snapped.

"Chill gal. It's a joke. Where I come from, we joke more than this. I mean, we have been at this since we were little. Just tell him." I told her.

"Just do it. We are in the twenty-first century and you honestly think a girl should not speak first. It's so outdated. And outrageous by the way." Jane commented.

Mariyam turned to Jamie and asked, "What would you think if a girl told you she loves you?"

He smiled, "Well, you know me. I would be glad, and if I like her too, then no problem."

"Definitely. You're right, bro. See? We don't have any problem." Joe smiled.

"I huffed, "At least, you are not like those chauvinistic men." I turned to Nat, "See? Be modern please."

The rest of our friends arrived soon after and all we discussed was our trip. Mainly about the activities that would take place there. Joe showed us his new swimming gear. He had been into it since he was just a kid, and is planning to take the interstate swimming competition.  After a while, we decided to head home.

"See you tomorrow. I better get back home and rest. I plan to sleep early today so that I can get up early. You know I'm not a late sleeper." Joe yawned.

"Bye." We all went our separate ways.

A message crept in to my phone just as I was about to sleep. After I arrived home, I performed my prayers and ate dinner. I checked the message and was from 'el es un secreto', as my friends and I  called this person.

I smiled.

"Hey beautiful. Where has you been? Are you ready for the journey? Can't wait to see you on Saturday. Love you Querida". 'El es un secreto' put in a heart emoji. And a short voice message which I played. It said, "Te amo mucho nene.  Tu sabes que tu eres la most amazing cosa en mi vida. Adios." The voice was so smooth.

There was always a heavy Southern Spanish accent when he was speaking. In this case, Spanglish.

I kissed my phone and lay it on my chest. Mi secreto, I said aloud.

I turned off my phone and lay on the bed. I fell asleep soon afterwards.