9.combat

A bird began to sing. Itachi's eyes instantly opened, Sharingan swirling. His gaze flickered out the window. He made eye contact with the robin and cast a preliminary genjutsu on it before deciding it wasn't a threat. He released the sharingan and cancelled the illusion, sitting up. On the other side of the room, Kisame sat up and began his morning stretches.

Itachi looked outside again. It looked like it was going to be a wonderful day.

Ursura cracked an eye. "Hey Tetsuko."

Tetsuko grunted, and blearily sat up. "What is it, boss?"

"Time to rise and shine." The Tsuchikage said with a grin. "It's already this late in the morning, what are you doing sleeping in this late?"

Tetsuko wasn't amused. "Well, I was up most of the night carefully writing documents you capriciously decided on giving the Cloud envoys this morning."

"Details, details." The Tsuchkage said breezily. "It's true that there are some things we had prepared, but delivering something with wet ink is also proof that we take this seriously and are willing to bargain." She vaulted up, and casually kicked Chigaku, nimbly dodging the kunai made from a shard of rock the Doton user lashed out with.

"The hell, boss?" Chigaku said, sitting up. "Seriously, what the hell?"

The Tsuchikage shrugged, and walked over to the last bedroll.

"I'm already up!" Okute said, waving her hands as she sat upright.

Ursura pouted. "Aww, you're no fun."

"Let's just go." Tetsuko said, with a put-upon air.

"Okay." Tsuchikage said. "Anyway, this is just us being nice and saying goodbye, everybody smile and look happy. This is the home stretch, so don't get careless at the end." She grinned. "Move out!" She shouted, and flashed away with shunshin.

Kisame and Itachi are not the only Akatsuki that were early risers. One of Hidan's many absurd religious rules was a mandate for rising at dawn. Surprisingly, this was one of the few Precepts of Jashin that didn't annoy Kakuuzu, a firm believer in "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Kakuuzu's health (especially for a man over 100) and wealth were uncontestable, although his wisdom was somewhat more conditional.

"Found it!" Hidan crowed, pushing himself up off the ground. He snarled, then, because he had forgotten he had nailed himself to the floor with his spear. He pulled the spear out, aggravating the wound, and stood up. His torso trickled blood.

It was a good thing, Kakuuzu thought absently, that the Akatsuki cloak was black and red. "So?" He said. "Where is it?"

"Pretty close, actually." Hidan said. "Bastard was sitting right the hell down the road."

"I see. Well then, let's go and see if we can get the drop on them early." Inwardly, Kakuuzu seethed a little bit. He had hoped they would get to skip out on the bill, but the innkeeper had made them pay in advance for the first night.

"Yeah, this festival is pissin' me off." Hidan said darkly. "The hell kind of festival doesn't even have animal sacrifices?"

Kakuuzu closed his eyes. "Seriously, are you trying to be dense?" He turned away, and spoke up again to curtail Hidan's angry protests. "Whatever. Let's just go and get through this."

Hidan grunted, annoyed that Kakuuzu wasn't going to let him talk, but shouldered his scythe anyway. Although he was pissed with his partner, he didn't mind too much. Akatsuki was the destiny Jashin-sama had chosen him for, and Hidan was a willing tool for Jashin.

Yugito glanced around the courtyard. Raiko and Kamome were flanking Kirema, who was sitting on a blanket spread out in the courtyard, waiting to greet the stone delegation. After a little bit of debate with Kamome, Kirema had decided to leave Yugito sitting in the shadow of the veranda that surrounded the courtyard and not with the rest of the group.

Reiko paused in her reading, and Yugito looked up to see the group from the Stone Village landing in a tight formation across from the Cloud group.

"Yo." Said the Tsuchikage, brandishing some scrolls in her right hand. "I brought some gifts for your cute husband."

"Mmn." Kirema was noncommittal. "Was there anything else?"

Ursura of Five Bears grinned, and glanced to her right. "Well… I was just wondering when the last time the innkeeper cleaned the futons out. There are some bugs creeping about."

"I guess that's our cue." A voice sneered. "Bitch, saying such a lame thing, I'll sacrifice you to Jashin as a heretic." He was a pale man with a pinched look and long hair, even more blonde than Yugito's. He had a huge scythe with three blades, and a black cloak with red clouds scattered across it.

"Don't be a dumbass." His partner scolded. "That's not our goal, it isn't necessary to antagonize them." The second man was wearing some kind of head covering, but it didn't hide his bizarre eye color. He was wearing the same style of cloak and was carrying (of all things) a briefcase.

"Tch. Whatever, you sacrilegious asshole." The blonde man sneered.

"What would your mother say?" The Tsuchikage said lightly, twirling a kunai about a finger absently. Abruptly, her face dropped the smirk, and she became serious, projecting killing intent. "State your business. Depending on the response we might leave you alive."

The two man were unimpressed, projected the same killing intent back. The masked one stepped forward. "Hand over the jinchuuriki of the two tails." He paused, weighing his words. "If not, the ones left alive won't be you."

Yugito stiffened, unsure of what the response to that would be.

It was at that instant the wall between the two opposing groups exploded into the courtyard.

Motoko yawned, jaw creaking as she reached her arms up over her head. She bent her left arm behind her head, jutting her chest forward as she bent her head back.

Then she twisted, popping her back.

"Alright!" She said, clapping her hands. "Today's going to be great!" That said, she rolled back and kipped up, ready to start her day.

She slid open the door, and froze.

Standing in front of her was the S-Class missing-nin, Uchiha Itachi. He was brushing his teeth as he walked down the hallway. "Itachi…!" She hissed.

After hearing his name, Itachi paused and turned to the girl. He pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth. It was really ominous. "Do I know you… miss?"

"Uh, no, no." Motoko said, waving his hand. "I just thought you had a scurrilous look about you, like some kind of, ah, small carnivorous mammal, like a weasel or a ferret. Or something." Motoko flashed him a surprisingly convincing smile. "Yeah!"

Itachi arched a brow.

In response, Motoko slammed her door shut. "Shit-shit-shit!" She chanted, diving for her kunai pouch.

The door slid open, and Itachi stepped in.

They paused. Then Itachi recognized the Konoha standard issue equipment pouch.

In turn, Motoko recognized the hand-seals from practicing with Sasuke and launched herself towards the window just as the Grand Fireball detonated her hotel room.

She spun around twice, kunai pouch clasped in her hand as she landed in front of some very surprised people. She recognized both groups of jounin from the two countries on her left and two weird guys in the same cloaks Itachi was usually wearing on her right.

"Shit." She said with extra fervor.

"Motoko-chan!?" Yugito shouted, and then Itachi appeared with a shunshin in front of the girl.

There was a pause for the legendary S-Class Missing-nin Uchiha Itachi, everyone unsure of how to respond to this new development.

Finally Hidan spoke. "What the goddamn hell is going on, Itachi?" He paused. "And what the hell are you doing in a bathrobe?"

'Itachi!' Ursura turned and made glancing eye-contact with Kirema. So, this guy was definitely the real deal.

"Itachi, what the hell is going on…" Kisame trailed off as he landed on the roof surveying the scene. He glanced around, resettling the Samehadama on his shoulder before grinning. "Hey, it's the Zombie Twins!"

"God dammit!" Hidan roared, leveling his scythe at Kisame. "Knock it the hell off with that stupid nickname already!"

"Just apprehend your target." Itachi said lazily. "As it stands… I'm here for ours as well. Isn't that right, Naruto-kun?"

"So you saw through me somehow, huh?" Motoko said, straightening up. "Your sharingan really is the best… guess the gig is up." She formed a seal, and with a poof of smoke a 13-year-old boy in boxer shorts and an undershirt was standing were Motoko was. He strapped the equipment pouch on his thigh.

Itachi didn't say anything. As a point of fact, he hadn't seen through the illusion. But he'd recognized Naruto's equipment pouch (the Sharingan memorized a lot of usually worthless trivia), and guessed that such an absurd circumstance fitted Naruto.

They froze for a moment, Itachi calculating the best way to avoid a multiple-fighter death match with all these jounin while Naruto desperately tried to come up with a plan to escape.

Yugito stared, dumbstruck. Was Motoko… was Motoko just an illusion? A cover used by someone trying to get close to her group, exploiting her weaknesses?

"What the hell is going on?" Reiko finally said.

"We four are from Akatsuki." Kisame said. "We're here to capture the tailed beasts-"

"Kisame." Itachi said sharply. "Don't speak so freely."

"Hmph." Kakuuzu said. "I don't get what's going on myself, but as long as the two-tails is handed over, then we'll leave peacefully."

"The hell-" Hidan began.

"I'm afraid that won't be happening." Kirema said. "I don't care who you are, the two-tailed demon cat belongs to us. We won't hand over such a useful sword without a fight."

"Wait a minute!" Naruto said, waving his hand like a child in a schoolroom. "What two-tailed cat!? There's another demon around here!?"

There was a pause. Finally Kisame spoke up. "Yeah, the two-tails was sealed in that slant-eyed girl over there." He pointed at Yugito. "She's the jinchuuriki of the-"

"Kisame!" Itachi said, sounding more annoyed. He turned, glaring at his partner. 'Seriously, shut up.'

Kisame shrugged uncomfortably. 'Sorry.'

"What!?" Naruto said, shifting to look at Yugito. "Then Yugito-chan is-" Abruptly, he remembered that the infamous Uchiha Itachi was standing across from him. "Ah hell!" He shouted. "I'll figure it out after the fight!"

"I don't entirely understand myself, but I do get that there's gonna be a fight." Ursura grinned. "Okay. It's the Cloud with their allies the Stone and some blond spy versus the Akatsuki, that's what's going on!"

Her hands flashed through seals, and she roared as she slammed her hands against the ground. "Then let's kill 'em all!" She roared.

The summoning smoke hadn't cleared, before a huge roaring bear burst out of it, slamming into the wall between Hidan and Kakuuzu.

A second, slightly smaller bear leapt roaring into the air, and slammed a paw into the roof where Kisame had been standing.

The Pinwheel Eye took in everything as Itachi raked his gaze across the combat zone. The Tsuchikage was no pushover. She had already split the Zombie Twins using her summons and had tied up Kisame long enough to develop a battle plan. She was cunning enough to divine that the Akatsuki traveled in pairs or groups from Kisame's talkativeness. She determined that the Akatsuki had to be split up and handled individually or they would use combo attacks to crush even multiple jounin opponents.

Itachi's Sharingan sped up, ramping up with excitement. He waited patiently for what was going to happen next.

Immediately after two of her Bears shot out, Ursura spun, and began speaking. "I'm assuming temporary command of the combined groups. Reiko and Chigaku, you're on the masked Zombie Twin. Tetsuko and Kamome are on Fish Face. Okute and Yugito have blond Zombie Twin. That leaves Kirema and myself on Itachi. Fight well. The objective is survival." She turned to face the blond boy that was still mostly paying attention to Itachi.

"Boy!" She shouted. He twitched and turned his head towards her slightly, but didn't take his gaze off Itachi. She twitched for a moment as she felt that something was off.

She ducked and rolled forward, swinging around with a palm even as the boy shouted "Kai!" to dispel the genjutsu Itachi had cast.

The Leaf missing nin leaped over her chakra claw and kicked out, nearly taking her block off before he shunshined away to prevent a counter.

"You've gotten better, Naruto-kun."

The boy grunted, drawing some kunai. "You're just getting old, you've already got wrinkles on your face."

Ursura couldn't help cracking a grin. The sheer balls of making fun of Itachi's face to, well, his face was just too great.

"Kid, you're a leaf nin, right?"

"Yeah." He said, flinching slightly when Itachi shifted his weight.

"Well, I guess you understand that I'm gonna have to take you prisoner after this fight." She said. "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you if you help us out, okay?"

The blonde brat snorted. "Yeah right! You'll just have to let me go after realizing how awesome I am when I save all your lives!"

That was a little much, she thought. "Whatever. You ready, Kirema?"

"She has been for three seconds now." Itachi murmured.

"Even if you know, it won't save you." Kirema said. "Die in this, Unmugakure no Jutsu." With that, the Hiding in Clouds and Fog technique billowed out.

Kisame turned, glancing down as the whole courtyard was enshrouded in incredibly dense mist. It was more like fog than mist, really. "Huh." He mused, letting go with his left hand to punch the bear that was grapping with him, pressing down on his wrapped sword. He turned back as the bear reared back, surprised, and he grinned.

"Samahadama." He informed the bear, before ripping the rough-skinned sword from the bear's grasping claws, severely injuring its paws. He swung around, ready to use pendulum-like power to simultaneously rip open the bear's skin and crush its ribs, when he had to compensate.

Kisame ducked in, spinning the sword around his head once instead, neatly deflecting the huge iron club that would have crushed his skull.

"Pretty competent." He mused, leaping back to create some space for himself.

The woman with the huge club just grunted, getting ready for the next blow.

"That one is Tetsuko the Crusher, general staff secretary to the Tsuchikage and jounin. For myself, I am Asagiri Kamome, jounin of Hidden Cloud." Began another woman, landing formally. She had a lot of hair and some billowy clothes that could hide some serious armament. More to the point, Kisame noticed, she had that large spear. She continued to speak. "And you would be Hoshigaki Kisame, S-classed Mist missing-nin nicknamed 'Daimyo Killer.'"

"Damn." Kisame said, standing up a little straighter. "Makes me blush, knowing I'm so famous." He leered a bit, rushing forward. He ducked underneath the iron club and reached out with his left hand, grabbing the spear as it lanced out for his stomach and pushed it aside. With only his right hand holding the Samehadama, he swung down his sword, smashing open the ground while Kamome ghosted out of the way. "Oh, so close." He said, sighing.

The two women reset. They had him pincered between them.

He glanced down at the fog. "The hell is that stuff, I wonder." He sniffed experimentally. "Huh, that's pretty neat. I can't even smell what's going on." He turned his attention back to his opponents. "Guess that's why she's called 'Death Fog,' with that thick mist that can block sight, hearing, and smell. Probably even screws up chakra perception and touch, too." He shook his head, suitably impressed.

"Whatever." He said. "My opponents are you two."

"Glad you remembered." Tetsuko said dryly.

"Don't be snippy." Kisame scolded. "I'll take my time killing you."

"The one being toyed with is you." Shot back Kamome, finishing the seals while Kisame's back was turned. "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" Kamome began. "Spear him, Shuro-kichi!"

The jutsu complete, the red-crested crane, Shuro-kichi, was partially summoned, his head and neck appearing to the shoulders in front of Kamome, a huge ballista of a beak on thickly coiled muscle waiting to explode forward.

Kisame snarled, dodging as the huge head of the bird's razor-sharp beak streaked through his position, twisting to follow as he dodged, pecking at him.

He barely managed to block with Samehadama as Tetsuko crashed her club down onto him, fracturing the roof underneath his feet as he dropped into a crouch from the impact.

The summoned bird, seeing an opening, launched forward like a rocket. Kisame gasped as it speared his chest. Abruptly he dissolved into water, engulfing the mouth and nostrils of the summoned bird and attempting to suffocate it.

"Shuro-kichi!" Kamome cried, cancelling the jutsu to free her summoned ally.

"Too slow!" Kisame roared, spinning around to slam his sword into her from behind.

His blow was again diverted by Tetsuko's club, and both used the momentum from the clash to spin about, locking weapons together. Tetsuko grunted, neck muscles bulging as she forced the Samehadama back. "Too slow yourself!" She ground out.

Abruptly, Tetsuko dropped to her knees.

"Ho ho!" Kisame jeered, letting go with his left hand to catch the spear that streaked over Tetsuko's shoulder, straight at his heart. "It's only been this long, but your teamwork is already this good!"

He grinned, and Tetsuko's eyes widened, as she tried to force back the Samehadama. 'Crazy! With just one hand, he's pressuring me this much!'

With the same arm strength that allowed him to use the Samehadama in one hand, Kisame snapped the chakra-enhanced shaft of Kamome's spear and lunged forward, plunging it into Tetsuko's throat. She collapsed to the ground, bleeding heavily.

"Tch." He said. "I was too slow." Beneath him, the dying Tetsuko was replaced by a log with a poof of smoke.

He turned around, grinning at Tetsuko as Kamome clapped her hands, finishing her jutsu.

With a swirl of smoke, a trident appeared in Kirema's hands. It was a curious thing, with a haft of dark ebony wood and a blade that was stained even darker by some mysterious method.

"This is the treasure of the Crane Tribe, the Kurokuchibashi." Kirema said, twirling the trident about. "It's said the lightness of the Black Beak is exceeded only by the sharpness with which it spears fish for dinner."

Kisame smiled, an ugly, angry smile. "Cute. But you better be careful, it's not uncommon for a shark to catch a diving fish in its jaws."

"That we shall see!" Kamome said, leaping forward, the trident spinning wildly about.

'Shit!' Kisame thought, leaping back, dodging. He watched carefully, as the tough roof tiles were sliced up by the passing of the trident. 'She's channeling wind chakra through it to cut up anything that get's close!'

"I see you've noticed this weapon's power!" Kamome said, spinning the trident about in a complex pattern. Combined with the deadly sharp chakra she could emit through it, there was no opening for Kisame to exploit.

Kisame simply darted forward, smashing aside the trident with Samehadama, grinning. He lunged for the finishing blow, but cursed as he spun the sword around again, deflecting another attack from the almost-forgotten Stone jounin. "That's getting pretty annoying." He said, as he leapt away.

"So it's true, that Samehadama eats chakra." Tetsuko mused. "But… " She said, looking closely at the slightly cracked surface, "it wasn't fast enough to completely protect itself."

Kisame grinned, hefting the Samehadama. "Well… since you know so much, I'll tell you more. My partner isn't just a sword, it's alive. A little cut like this will heal in no time." He smiled, toothy. "The same can't be said for the blow I'll land in exchange."

"I see." Tetsuko said. "Kamome. Please stand back."

"You intend to take him alone?" The Cloud jounin said, feeling slighted.

Tetsuko didn't break her gaze from Kisame. "Yes. Mostly I don't want you to fall into the radius of my techniques." With that, she leapt forward, channeling chakra into her huge club.

Where it slammed into the ground, it cracked right through the roof. Tetsuko didn't give Kisame time to react, swinging up the club and spinning it around to slam into him. He blocked with Samehadama, but his sword was completely blown away, leaving him open. Tetsuko finished with another inertial swing, crushing Kisame's ribcage. The impact was so severe that the water was instantly scattered when the clone dissipated.

"I get it now." Kisame said. "It's like a deadblow hammer, right?"

Tetsuko nodded. "Using earth type chakra, change the solidity of the innermost core from iron to iron dust. Then the momentum is completely transferred through the blow." She hefted the club again. "In short… a direct blow would shatter even your sword. Never mind your bones."

Kisame shrugged. "Well, a direct blow is a big thing to take for granted against an opponent like me."

Tetsuko grunted. "We'll see." With that, she leapt forward, slamming the club down into Kisame's position. He stepped back for a counterblow, but instead of moving to avoid Tetsuko smoothly vaulted, arching up and balancing her whole body on the base of her club with her hands. With an ominous click, three of the bands wrapped around the shaft popped off, and coiled wires exploded outward, spinning wildly and chopping everything around her.

"I said I didn't want you in the radius." Tetsuko said to Kamome when the whirling stopped.

I I I

Kakuuzu frowned, leaping away as the bear smashed into the wall, before it turned around to roar at him.

It lunged forward, running towards him on all fours before rocking onto it's side to swipe at him with its right claw.

His briefcase poofed into a summoning storage space so he could catch the bear's claw with his left hand. Even with his hand open and his fingers splayed, his hand could still barely match the spread of the bear's palm.

However, even though he was dwarfed in size, he was still strong. His skin was already the dark coloration indicative of his body enhancing, skin-hardening jutsu.

The bear stood to nearly three meters of height, rearing back, and swung with its left paw, as well. His right hand went up, and caught that claw before it could hit, as well. It roared, and its jaws opened to snap his head off.

Kakuuzu, in response, pulled it forward with his hands, dropping down into a crouch and leaning forward before launching himself up, slamming the metal plate protecting his forehead into the great beast's throat.

It reared back, coughing, and he jumped, spinning around to blast it in the chest, right below the sternum, with a straight heel kick.

He bounced off, and backpedaled while the bear slumped over, winded. Kakuuzu was pretty sure he'd severely bruised or even torn the diaphragm muscle in the great beast's chest.

"So close combat is out."

He turned, and made eye contact with the Cloud jounin that was standing around ten meters away from him. Her vest marked her a jounin, but the most eye-catching features were the large coiled-wire gauntlets around her forearms. They were almost certainly jutsu-related tools.

"Hey bear." She said, not breaking off eye contact with Kakuuzu. "Go back, we'll handle this guy here."

"OKAY." The bear rasped, still winded. He dropped to all fours, and vanished into a puff of smoke, returning to his place of origin.

The two ninja stood still, evaluating each other for a moment, before Reiko dropped into a crouched stance, palms slamming together to flicker through some seals.

"Reiryuuha!" Reiko shouted, pointing her right hand out, index finger extended, left hand pressed against the right gauntlet. A flickering charge of electricity on her gauntlet was the only warning, and a brilliant flash of lighting arced from her extended finger to Kakuuzu. For the instant it existed, it was shaped like a serpentine dragon.

The blasted fragments of a log fell to the ground in still-burning splinters.

"Damn." Reiko said. "I guess that would have been too easy."

She spun, kicking away as Kakuuzu landed, his axe kick splitting the ground where she had just been standing. She flipped, and pushed off the ground with her hands, which went through a new set of handseals.

Across from her, Kakuuzu grunted as his foot sunk into the earth, which spiraled up around his leg, trapping him. From the feel of the chakra, there was another ninja underground, holding him in place with jutsu. He looked up, and the gauntled woman was doing the same handseals as before. If he was trapped this time, he couldn't dodge. And he couldn't drive the electric charge to ground; the earth-user would prevent that.

Well. If you can't dodge or block, obviously you should counter-attack.

His left eye twitched as he screwed his face up, concentrating, and he pulled open the top of his cloak to expose the scowling black-nosed mask.

"Raiton: Gian." He grunted, just as the woman pointed her finger and launched her Rairyuuha.

The False Darkness and the Lighting Dragon Blast collided, a flash that exploded sideways, igniting grass and flash-baking the ground as the two charged blasts negated each other.

He grunted as her apparent partner twisted out of the ground. She was a dirt-covered woman in a Stone Village jounin vest and a dark brown jumpsuit.

"He did something weird." She said. "He's sticking these strange threads into the ground, he almost speared me with them."

Kakuuzu scowled, retracting his threads. That was true, but it was also true that she had almost sheared his threads off with her earth jutsu in exchange. He had better avoid underground fighting for the time being.

Kakuuzu unbuttoned his cloak, better exposing the scowling black-nosed mask. "Raiton: Gian" launched out again. In the instant of the blinding flash, he also formed a hand seal.

Reiko simply held up her hand, and grinned. The flash of lightning converged on her hand, arcing into her gauntlet.

"Raiton: Youryoutate." Reiko said. "Don't even bother, my Capacitance Shield can completely absorb the electric charge of any Raiton attack."

"Bunshin: Daibakuha." Kakuuzu's voice said from behind them. It was the only warning they had as the Shadow Clone detonated.

Chigaku lunged, grabbing Reiko by the shoulder as she pulled them both down, a wall of earth erupting up and around to protect them from the explosion. She had felt the vibration the instant the second set of feet had landed on the ground, and had reacted.

She flashed through her own hand seals, and slammed the ground. "Doton: Ga no Naraku." Kakuuzu flinched, jumping back. He recognized the technique. The Underworld's Fang was a B-class earth-type assassination technique that speared the target from below.

Nothing appeared out of the ground, but he heard the high-pitched poof as his second shadow clone was destroyed where it was hiding.

He grunted, scowling as he stood up straight. "Skilled. To totally negate my lightning attack like that… you're a genius-class ninjutsu user, alright."

The other two women simply ran apart, flickering through their own handseals.

"Doton: Ne Ryoudo." Chigaku commanded. The Root Dominion skill reached out through the dirt, heaving and softening the ground, throwing the enemy off balance as Kakuuzu's footing was destabilized.

Kakuuzu stumbled, dropping to a wider stance and one hand touching the ground, back arching. He pushed off, leaping back several meters to try and find safer ground. His cloak was pulled tight as a second mask migrated to join the first on his chest.

"Raiton: Haji no Koutei." Reiko howled, her fingers hooked into claws as the Grasp of the Emperor shot out of them, scouring the whole area with vivid blue-white lighting.

In response, the smiling mask with the square teeth emerged. A flicker of flame was the only indication of Kakuuzu's counter-attack. "Katon: Zukokku." The Suffering's Source exploded forward, tearing through the Grasp of the Emperor.

"Shit!" Reiko swore, discharging her other gauntlet into the incoming fire blast, detonating it prematurely as she dove away.

Chigaku slammed her hands into the ground. The preparatory layer of the Root Dominion allowed Chigaku to perform more advanced and subtle earth-type jutsu, since the whole area of ground was saturated with her chakra.

"Doton: Kuufuku Noyama." Chigaku said, as the jutsu began. While under the effect of the Hunger Hills, the ground bubbled in response to any surface pressure, popping open a cavity that then swallowed whatever was present, sinking it down to a murderous pressure.

Kakuuzu pulled his legs up as the ground fell out from under him, sweeping up into a maw-shaped crater that threatened to engulf him.

Rather than try to land, he used another Suffering's Source to launch himself into the air like a rocket. The intense heat of the Katon attack instantly cooked the cavity in the ground into something like pottery.

While in the air, Kakuuzu sighted down at the Doton user. She was the most trouble; the Raiton user was only capable of straight blasting attacks, which was Kakuuzu's special domain.

Both the scowling mask and the smiling mask aligned. A small arc of charge in the scowling mask and a flicker of flame in the smiling mask was the only indication of what was about to happen.

"Katon, Raiton: Assaimou." The fire and lighting elements mingled to produce the Crushing Blind, where the extreme heat and charge compressed the atmosphere to several times the ambient pressure, and then propagated as a deadly wall of air that would crush the enemy's whole body, even as they were fried and cooked by the component elements.

Chigaku dived underground, the dirt erupting around her to protect against the powerful combined element attack. The shield jutsu crumpled in, bludgeoned by the force of the attack.

Reiko was prevented from counterattacking as something flew through the air at her. It was, she noted morbidly, Kakuuzu's hand; apparently he'd somehow left his right arm behind as he jumped back and then blasted off.

It was still attached to the hole in the ground by ropey threads, saturated with Kakuuzu's uniquely tainted chakra. Reiko dodged away, hands flickering through handseals.

The threads contracted, pulling the hand back into the hole as she bathed the area in lighting.

She skipped back as she heard Kakuuzu land at her flank. It wouldn't do to get pincered between him and his arm (as creepy as that sounded).

Kakuuzu glanced at where the Doton user was hiding underground. "I'm impressed. It's rare that I meet two people that can block even one attack, let alone a combined element blast like that."

Chigaku burst out of the ground, gasping. She coughed, and blood splattered out onto the earth. Blood was leaking from her ears, as well.

"But it's impossible to simply block that level of jutsu and not take some kind of damage." Kakuuzu continued. "Even if you stopped the fire and lighting, you've still been hit by a powerful pressure wave."

Chigaku grunted, wiping blood off her face. "Well, I'm still able to fight."

Reiko sighed. "You've got a high-level enhancement-type earth jutsu, and you can use A-class attacking fire and lightning jutsu. You can even do something that's close to a combined-element attack, although it's not as good as our Raikage." She tilted her head. "I've never heard of anyone that used quite that many elements at such a high level… except maybe the late Professor of Konoha."

Kakuuzu shrugged. "Well… that's not quite true." He twitched, then, and pulled the cloak off his right shoulder, exposing his freakishly severed right arm and the right side of his chest. A new mask was on his right pectoral. "It's not like I'm limited to only three elements." A faint whistling sound was emitted by the new mask, vaguely bird-like with a howling expression.

"Shit!" Reiko swore, diving to the ground. Obligingly, the earth split open and swallowed her into a waiting hollow.

"Fuuton: Atsugai." Kakuuzu said, as the blast of deadly wind from the Bleeding Force exploded over her position.

The ground opened, spitting Reiko out. "Good save." She said.

Chigaku grinned weakly from her position on the ground, hands still pressed to the earth.

Her eyes widened as she saw yet another mask on the back of Kakuuzu's right shoulder, facing towards her. It had an upturned lower lip, an anguished expression on its face, two stylized tears emerging from the corners of the eyes. A thin stream of water was swirling in its mouth.

"Suiton: Suishibanshou." Kakuuzu said, and a blast of chakra-charged water emerged from the mouthpart. The Drowning Creation stormed towards Chigaku's position.

Her hands blurred before one touched the ground, and three laminated layers of earth sprung up, shielding her from the blast. Water sprayed around the shield, splattering lightly on her face. It tingled and itched uncomfortably, so heavily charged with Kakuuzu's accursed chakra.

The shield collapsed when the attack abated, and her eyes widened when she saw that Kakuuzu was forming seals with only his left hand.

Chigaku tried to jump up and run, but she felt suddenly dizzy as she stood, heaving and woozy from the damage she'd taken earlier from the Crushing Blind.

"Suiton: Suirou." Kakuuzu said, finishing the jutsu. The water swirling around Chigaku suddenly condensed, trapping her in the prison sphere.

Kakuuzu grunted. "So… that's one down." His right hand had emerged from the hole, and was maintaining the water prison jutsu around Chigaku, held up by his black chakra threads. He had been less than enthusiastic about leaving his earth-element heart behind with his arm, but it was the only way it could counter the Doton jutsu Chigaku had used on the area. Now it would hold her out of the way.

Reiko shook her head. "Possessing all five element transformations at A-class proficiency… this freakishly cursed chakra and those masks…" She grinned a little sickly. "Not to mention that you're wearing the forehead protector of the Waterfall Village."

Reiko shook her head, almost disbelieving. "You're the Stitcher Goblin. The goddamned Stitcher Goblin of Waterfall."

Kakuuzu grunted sourly. "Having heard those rumors… I imagine you're a veteran from the Third Secret War, then? You're too young for the Second or First, let alone the Era of Secret Clans…"

Reiko shook her head. "The Era of Secret Clans ended over 80 years ago, when they conglomerated into the hidden villages." She cocked her head to the side. "So… it's true that you're immortal?"

Kakuuzu grunted. "Well… not immortal exactly. Somehow I can rejuvenate my body by continuously replacing one of my worn out hearts, thereby extending my lifespan."

He paused, thinking. "You're pretty talented, yourself. Even if Akatsuki might not have a place for you, you could live freely within my criminal organization."

Reiko paused for a moment. "Are you… offering me a job?"

Kakuuzu shrugged. "You're more competent than my idiot partner. Eating a False Darkness like that is no small feat. I value skill."

"And then when I let my guard down, my heart powers one of those masks, right?" Reiko said, waving her hand.

Kakuuzu shook his head. "Actually… individual skill has no impact on the heart. The only thing that matters for me is element disposition. Some have a stronger disposition than others, of course, but I doubt that you just happen to have an extremely strong lightning disposition."

Reiko shook her head. "Thanks… I think. But I'm not going to betray the Raikage." She grinned. "Naïve as it sounds, I believe in him."

Kakuuzu just nodded. "Then… die."

I I I

Ursura hunched down into a counter-reactive stance as the fog billowed out, perplexing her senses. There was no way she'd be able to control the battlefield now, and summoning was out of the question.

She glanced behind her as Kirema emerged from the fog.

"Good senses." Kirema complimented, drawing close.

"Heh." Ursura waved her hand. "I'm a little pissed, though. This is bad weather for summoning animals in."

Kirema nodded. "I apologize. However, we don't know the capabilities of his sharingan. Rather than trying to surround him, I think it better to seal away his vision advantage." She held out her hand; there was a radio attached to a throat microphone and an earpiece. Ursura took it, and Kirema lifted another out of her pocket. "We'll use these to co-ordinate our attack."

"And keep that Leaf-nin out of the way, right?" Ursura said.

Kirema nodded. "Indeed. It would be bad if he died, removing a counter-intelligence opportunity from us. It would be worse if he escaped in the confusion. I'll keep him lost in the fog for a little bit."

"Clever." The Tsuchikage complimented. "What's the plan?"

Kirema frowned, thinking. "Our best bet is a pincer. I'll drive him towards you, you engage, and I'll stab from behind?"

"Sounds good." Ursura said, nodding. "Best to keep it simple."

"Alright, let's go." Kirema said, fading into the mist.

A few minutes later, the radio crackled in Ursura's ear. "Move three meters forward to your eleven o'clock."

"Party time." Ursura whispered to herself.

I I I

Itachi sighed, and closed his eyes. When he looked up, the Sharingan was spinning slowly again, reflecting the calm mental state he forced himself to enter. The unmagakure no jutsu, the Hiding in Clouds and Fog technique was a famous assassination tool used by Kirema to seal off and isolate opponents, clouding their hearing and sight, blocking their ability to smell, even deadening their sense of touch and ability to detect chakra. The high-density chakra meant it would last a long time, even without any support from the user. It was widely considered the supreme tactical intelligence denial jutsu. There was an important caveat however; because the area was saturated with the user's chakra, they were still capable of the sonar-like chakra detection used in the Silent Killing style.

Fearsome indeed.

But it was a double-edged sword in squad combat; neither could the allies detect anything. Idly, Itachi spun a genjutsu around himself to blend in with the background fog. This way he would have the upper hand against the Tsuchikage.

He guessed they were conferring about how to contain him right now. He felt his best bet would be to immediately strike them down in succession, if he could. His best chance would be when they tried to trap him in a pincer, if he guessed their tactics correctly.

He considered creating some Kage Bunshin, but decided against it for now; soon, he would. Once combat was joined, maybe some as a delaying tactic for one of the enemy. Mizu Bunshin were out of the question, probably; all the water in the area was under the control of the Cloud group leader.

I I I

Ursura scowled, and her hands flickered through hand seals. Chakra wreathed her fingers, extending into wicked dagger-like claws. She had a feeling this would come to close combat.

Her radio crackled. "He's very close to you."

Ursura frowned. "I don't see him… shit. He's probably using camouflage genjutsu."

Kirema chewed her lip slightly on the other side. "That seems likely. I'll engage him, and you'll be able to locate us that way." She sighed, clearing her mind. "Of course, I might just kill him with the initial attack." She whispered to herself.

She moved forward, closing on Itachi's position. He was standing straight, but wary, ready. She drew her sword, and shot forward with a horizontal stab. His hands came together for a jutsu; she couldn't see what it was from behind, but it was probably bad. She immediately struck, hoping to catch him unguarded.

Preternaturally aware, Itachi twisted, dodging the blade at the last instant. He parried the katana with a kunai, the steel ringing as the hit together. His other hand whipped out, flinging three shurikan at Kirema.

Kirema ducked as her blade met his sword, dropping down to dodge the throwing stars and spinning to cut his legs at the thigh.

In response, Itachi jumped, cartwheeling over Kirema, stabbing down from above. She swung her sword up, blocking as she entered a tight crouch. She released her grip with her right hand, and reached down, grabbing another, shorter sword, and stabbed at Itachi, who hadn't quite reached the ground yet.

She impaled him, and he met her eyes briefly, sharingan still lazily spinning. Then he poofed into smoke.

She swung around without looking, blocking one kunai with her left sword, leaning into that direction to avoid another from a slightly different angle. She came to a guard position.

Itachi was standing a few meters away, waiting. She frowned, and reached out with her senses. "Shit!" She swore. "That jutsu you opened with… you created Kage Bunshin to stall Ursura for time, didn't you?"

Itachi merely nodded. "But you have yourself to worry about." He said, hands flickering through hand seals.

"That's right!" She said, shooting forward. He finished, breathing in for a katon jutsu, and exhaling a fireball. Kirema grinned, filling her katana with chakra, and then slashing apart the fireball, lunging forward through the embers to impale Itachi between the ribs. He grunted, and then burst apart, spewing ravens that swirled about her.

Kirema snorted in disgust. "Subtle." She muttered, using Kai.

She had only an instant of hair-raising warning before pain lanced through the side of her lower back. 'My kidney!' She thought, frantic. 'He stabbed me in my left kidney!'

"It was foolish of you to meet the eyes of even my Kage Bunshin." Itachi's voice whispered in her ear. Snarling, she reversed her right sword grip and drove it back, impaling him.

Again, he burst into smoke.

She twisted, leaning slightly. Itachi, implacable and unruffled, stood three meters away, just like he had at the beginning of the exchange. Except now she was bleeding from a potentially fatal wound.

"You were mistaken earlier." He murmured. "I initially created five Kage Bunshin, not one. Further, it was not Tsuchikage-san that I stalled with them."

Kirema paused for a moment, before growling. "You mean you've just been playing with me!?" She snarled.

Itachi just sighed, cocking his head to the side. "You are simply incapable of challenging my capacity." He looked up, staring at her face. She kept his eyes on his chest, centering her vision on his diaphragm. He continued speaking. "If you were counting, you'd know that I'm the third Kage Bunshin you've encountered."

"Bunshin Daibakuha." He said from behind her, and she dove forward, twisting and hunching to put as much of her armored vest between her and the explosion as she could, gritting her teeth as the shockwave sent a spasm of pain through her stab wound, as the lunge tore it wider.

She pushed herself up, and immediately flipped back as he kicked at her, darting back out of range. "So that was the fourth, huh?" She grated out. She was bleeding heavily. First the explosion and then that flip had really aggravated her wound. She might actually bleed out at this rate.

He nodded. "Four were assigned to you. The fifth is shadowing the real self." Then he cancelled himself to report back.

Kirema swallowed her anger and shame and set to giving herself some emergency first aid to stop the bleeding.

I I I

"God damn it!" Hidan swore leaping away from the bear. "A goddamn bear!?" At least it was going for Kakuuzu, he thought. Hidan didn't want any part of a bear. They were crazy. He vaulted up onto the wall.

He spat on the ground as he looked around for a good area for him to use his ritual in. A broad, open expanse was usually best for him. He kept his eye on the Nekomata host; she was coming towards him, and landed a few meters away.

There was a big, flat roof on the next building over, a more modern three-story hotel. He jerked his head in the direction of the building. "Let's rumble up there, bitch."

Yugito scowled, but jumped after him. As soon as her foot touched the ground, she skipped up and over again, to dodge the huge scythe that smashed into where she had just been.

Hidan spun, kicking the cord of the scythe up and pulling it around, sending the thing careening back into his grasp. He kept spinning, and buried the innermost blade in Okute's neck.

Okute dropped the kunai as she dropped limply to the ground, blood spurting out her mouth and neck. Then she dissipated in a poof of smoke.

"Oh shit." Hidan swore. "I goddamn hate Kage Bunshin. It's so goddamn cheap."

Okute landed beside Yugito. "What do you think?"

Yugito shook her head. "It's… he doesn't seem very professional at all." She frowned. "But… there's something odd about his chakra."

"Hey!" Hidan shouted, pointing his scythe at them. "Don't talk about me like I'm not standing right in front of you, dipshits!"

Yugito narrowed her eyes. "Allright, asshole, why is your chakra so screwed up."

Hidan sneered. "Moron, it's not screwed up, it's superhuman." He spread his arms, like he was offering a benediction. "My chakra… what you are sensing is that I am immortal!"

Yugito sniffed. "Well, we'll certainly see."

Hidan laughed, slightly hysterical. "You'll see! And I'll offer up all your suffering and death to Jashin-sama!"

He flung his scythe out, even as his left hand held a rosary to his lips. He began whispering intensely under his breath.

The scythe crashed into the ground, and the two jounin leapt apart. Okute charged forward, hands forming the cross handseal of Kage Bunshin. Four clones formed in a star around her, and the five ran in formation. Five meters out, the real Okute in the middle dropped and kicked out behind her. The rear Bunshin caught on it and used it as a spring to leap up over Hidan's head, as the other three broke apart and took his front and flanks.

"Catch his scythe!" Okute shouted at Yugito. The Cloud girl nodded, and leaped forward. Rather than trying to control the weapon itself, she landed on the cable Hidan used, and grabbed it. In a tug of war, her inhuman strength would win.

Hidan scowled at the four Bunshin surrounding him. "Lame." He sneered. "If you want to slaughter someone, you should spill their blood onto your own hands." He pulled on the cable, and glowered when he couldn't get it away from Yugito.

The four Kage Bunshin simultaneously charged forward. Hidan dropped the cable, and lashed out, driving his fingers into the eyes of the two bunshin on his flanks, and head-butting the one in front of him. All three dissipated into smoke before he could hurt them. The rosary on his left wrist jangled slightly on his outstretched hand.

The last drove a kunai into his spine, cracking his backbone. He looked over his shoulder at and sneered. His back-kick destroyed it.

"Shit." He grunted, reaching around and pulling the kunai out. It poofed into smoke in his hands, and he rolled his eyes as he dropped his hand back to grab at the cable again.

"Did I miss?" Okute wondered aloud. "No… I'm sure I severed his spine."

Hidan closed his eyes, focusing his chakra. "Moron." He said. "Didn't I already tell ya, I'm immortal."

Yugito stiffened, and dropped the cable as a pulse of chakra went along it, causing it to undulate wildly. She jumped backwards, releasing it, unsure of the effect.

"Dammit!" Hidan shouted. "It didn't work right… that shoulda shredded your hands."

Okute scowled. "This time, I'll get you for sure." She formed the handseal again, and created four more Kage Bunshin. She reached into her equipment pouch and handed each a kunai. She turned to face Yugito. "Please cover me… but don't get to close to him."

Hidan scowled. "Again with the ignoring me!" He shouted, charging forward, spinning the scythe around to hold it over his head.

The four Kage Bunshin charged in two stacked pairs. The real one threw a smoke bomb that detonated at Hidan's feet. When he emerged from the smoke, the lead two bunshin dropped forward in a charge and shoulder-charged his knees, swinging a kunai around into his thighs.

The top two jumped up and grappled his arms, driving kunai into his triceps.

The four Bunshin jumped away as Hidan collapsed, onto his knees, screaming in anger.

The original Okute formed the tiger hand seal to activate the explosive tags wrapped around the handles of the four kunai. They simultaneously detonated.

"That got him?" Okute murmured to herself.

Hidan exploded out of the cloud, arms trailing almost uselessly behind him from stringy wounds in the shoulders. His legs were in better shape, somehow, and he had somehow managed a forward leap on them.

Okute, surprised, threw her hands up in front of her as a guard. He smashed into her headfirst, and his teeth viciously clamped on her forearm. His teeth dug through her sleeve, and he bit in far enough to draw blood.

Then she disappeared with a kawarimi, and Hidan stumbled forward, off balance. He turned, and grinned at her as her blood dripped down from his lips.

"It was a pain in the ass, but I win." He said. Blood dripped from his ruined arms onto the roof they were standing on. He scuffed at it with his feet, drawing a circle in his blood.

"All you did was bite me and… and you say you won?" Okute was carefully feeling her arm, assessing the damage. "I mean… my rabies shots are current and everything."

"You heretic." Hidan breathed out, voice laden with loathing. He inscribed a triangle into the blood circle at his feet. "Witness… witness the miracle of Jashin!" He screamed.

Hidan's skin turned black, darkening into an unnatural shade of total black. A freakish pattern of bones was contrasting in white, a skull on his face and long bones along his arms, even bone shapes for each of his finger joints.

He raised his hand, spreading them wide. They were responding naturally, moving like they weren't even damaged at all, but they more resembled shredded meat on bone then arms.

In response, Okute's four Kage Bunshin darted forward, slamming a kunai in between his ribs and puncturing his lungs from four different angles.

Hidan laughed wildly.

Okute collapsed to her knees, coughing blood. Her chest burned, four stab wounds. She could feel blood leaking out, staining her jumpsuit inside her jounin vest.

Immediately, the four bunshin returned to their master, two standing guard as the last two diagnosed her condition.

"At least one lung was punctured…" one murmured.

"Lift her up." The other said. "Ideally we should lay her down, but if we do it will suffocate her bronchial…"

Hidan turned to face Yugito, who was charging forward. "If you hit me she'll die." He said, amused.

Yugito paused, faltering. The two guarding Kage Bunshin watched closely.

"You see…" Hidan explained, gesturing at the symbol of Jashin beneath his feet, "with this ritual, any injury on my body also affects her body." Idly, he reached up and snapped his nose.

Okute gasped, spitting out blood as more blood began to leak out her nostrils. Her nose was bent sideways, broken.

Hidan pushed his nose straight again, forcing it back into alignment.

Okute shook as her nose was abruptly forced straight again.

"This is a miracle of Jashin-sama." Hidan said reverently. "I can visit my suffering onto my enemies with my body; my suffering is their suffering." He smiled, a dreamy expression on his face. "Their slaughter is my slaughter." He laughed. "Isn't it so sad we don't all have my immortal body though?"

In response, Yugito dropped, bum-rushing Hidan. She planted his shoulder in his gut and picked his knees with her hands, pulling him up onto her shoulder and charging forward. She ignored the blood that spilled all over his hands from his lacerated thighs and trickled down his chest onto her shoulder. She pushed him off his symbol and sprinted four meters before stopping dead, spinning around to drop a back kick on his sternum, cracking him onto the ground.

"Doesn't do anything if you're not on your jutsu-shiki though." Yugito said, reaching up to wipe her lip, stopping once she thought better of it. Her hands were covered in his blood.

Hidan stood up shakily, swearing. "You bitch!" He roared, pointing. "What the hell was that!?"

"Didn't I just say?" Yugito said. "I broke that stupid jutsu of yours." She turned to shout over her shoulder. "Okute, don't worry. I'll finish this guy off for you."

"Don't you understand?" Hidan roared. "Getting the blood of a priest on yourself… unforgivable!" He roared. He pointed again, with his left hand. The rosary of Jashin glinted from where it still hung from his wrist.

Abruptly Yugito flinched, burning, deep pain driving down into her shoulder, squeezing her hands and arms with fire. She looked at her hands.

The blood of Hidan was hissing and boiling, eating through her jumpsuit and vest and skin, lacerating her body. Enriched with his accursed chakra, his blood was attacking her.

Yugito sneered through the pain. "You think…" She dropped to all fours, eyes growing tight. "You think this tiny amount of evil can hurt someone like me!?" She roared, and the hot black flames of the Nekomata whipped over her skin, driving off Hidan's blood as she transformed.

"Bitch cat." Hidan said, and he spat blood.

In response, the Nekomata roared.