It’s Not Me, It’s You….I Think That’s How it Went

After the party ended and everyone left, I knew it was time for me to tell Mabel. This was by far the hardest conversation I'd had in my life. No negotiation or confrontation could top this.

I met Mabel in our room in the attic. She was packing the last of her things into a suitcase, happily humming a Several Timez song. I still hate that boy group to this day. I stood at the door for a while. Trying to figure out how I would tell her.

Before I could decide on my course of action, she turned around, "Hey, Dipper! Why are you just standing in front of the doorway? You gotta finish packing too. The bus should be coming soon."

I felt a pain in my heart.

I didn't know how I could break this to her. I just promised her a few days before that we'd be going to school together. Experiencing everything together. But not even a week later, I was going to break that promise.

"Dipper. What's wrong? Why's your face like that? Something hurting you?"

Her innocent questions drove the knife even further into my heart. It felt like I was betraying her. And I guess I was.

"Dipper. What is it? Tell me."

Her face grew worried and she came close to me, inspecting my body. She was about to touch my face but I avoided her palm. I regret doing that. Her face turned even more concerned and worried. In an uneasy voice she asked, "Dipper, what's wrong?"

I couldn't look at her face. I couldn't stand the guilt that I felt. Avoiding her gaze, I answered in a barely audible voice, "...im not going back….."

"What did you say?" She asked. From the tone of her voice, she obviously didn't hear me.

A little louder this time, I replied, " I'm not going back….."

There was silence.

After what seemed like hours, I felt trembling hands grip my shoulders. I looked up to find a shaky and forced smile on Mabel's face, "What did you say? I don't think I heard you right."

Still avoiding her gaze, I looked at the floor. But this time I said it clear, " I'm not going back."

More silence.

But this time I could feel the trembling of her hands intensify uncontrollably. Her grip strengthening as if to reaffirm herself that this is the real world. Then the trembling flowed from her arms to the rest of her body. Again she asked me, this time her voice cracking and sounding on the verge of tears, "...what did you say?"

I didn't reply for a while. But eventually I said it again, "I'm not going back…"

I felt her hands lose strength. She took two unsteady steps back. I looked up and caught her gaze. At that moment, time seemed to freeze.

I saw it all. Denial, confusion, desperation, shock, and most of all…. Fear. She looked horrified. Shaking with all the look of an abandoned puppy and with trembling lips she asked, "What do you mean 'I'm not going back'?"

"I mean I'm not going back... with you…..to California. I'm going to stay here. And train under Great Uncle Ford. I need to be stronger. For me. For you…. For Us."

Saying this I took a step forward to get closer to her, but she took a hurried step back. Almost as if afraid to get near me. She was scared.

"But I don't need you to be stronger. I need you to be with me. Mabel and Dipper…. The Pine twins remember?"

"And we still will be. Nothing will change, Mabel. I'm still Dipper. And you're still Mabel."

"But I won't see you anymore…. Who's going to be there for me during high school? Through all my crazy boy crushes? Through all my silly ideas? Wear my funny sweaters?"

"I still can. We can video chat every day. You can still tell me everything happening in your life. From your boy crushes to all your silly ideas. You can even send me your sweaters. I can visit you for the holidays and everything. And before you know it, it'll be Summer again. And we'll be together. Here. In Gravity Falls."

I tried to put on my best smile to make everything seem alright. I took another step towards her. This time she didn't retreat.

Her eyes looked vacant as if she was still processing the information given to her. Her face didn't show rejection, however. So I took another step. I was in front of her now.

"See Mabel. Everything will be alright. We'll make it work."

I thought I'd said it in my most comforting voice. But when Mabel replied her voice was anything but soothed.

"'Make it work'?... You want to just 'make it work'. And everything will be 'alright'?"

"Mabel…"

I put my hand on her shoulder and was about to continue but I was harshly interrupted when she slapped my hand away.

"No Dipper!", her voice rising in volume. "Everything will not be 'alright'!"

"Mabel…"

"No Dipper! I can't believe this! One minute you promise me that you're staying with me. Then now you're here to tell me that you suddenly won't be coming home with me!? I don't believe it! I won't believe it!"

"Mabel…"

"No Dipper! You shut up! You're saying stupid things right now. I'm Not Listening!"

"Mabel…"

"LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa. I can't hear you. LaLaLaLaLaLaLa!"

"Mabel!", this time I said more forcibly, "Listen to me."

"No! You listen to ME! Go finish packing your thing right now! You're coming home with me!", she half-shrieked half-cried.

"No Mabel! I'm not going home with you! I'm staying here! And that's FINAL!"

I guess I sounded crueler than I'd thought because the next moment I felt a fiery slap hit my face.

*Paaa*

I was dazed. The sound of the slap reverberating in my ears. It was the only thing I heard for a while before the sounds of intense sobbing filled my ears.

Still dazed, I looked up just in time to catch the tail figure of Mabel as she ran out the door.