Way Back

Sometimes it only took a split second to remind one of reality.

For Shinobu, that moment was staring at him in the face right now.

It had been the usual Saturday, when he went along with whatever invitations came his way to waste the night away in the city. Tonight, it was consuming cheap alcohol from the convenience store at a square with some people from his class.

He didn't really follow the chatter around him. The guys checked out the girls walking past them, occasionally trying their luck. Inane gossip. General curses about life.

Across the square was a large mall jammed with weekend shoppers.

"Hey, isn't that Fujiwara?" one of his classmates remarked.

He shifted his eyes and true enough, Ren was exiting the mall. He was chatting with two guys and a girl around their age. A couple of older women conversed behind them.

One of the women was undoubtedly his mother. The resemblance was striking.

Someone whistled beside him. "Fuck, the rich sure are different."

"He's an annoying ass. Thinks he's better than us."

Shinobu didn't correct them.

Ren WAS different. He looked so cheerful and at ease.

He was also BETTER. So good and out of reach.

When one of the girls placed a hand on Ren's arm and fluttered her lashes, Shinobu wanted to grab her wrist and tell her to fuck off.

Their strange friendship. When did it come to this?

How had he allowed it to come to this?

Why did Shinobu feel a strange and unreasonable anger welling up inside?

"You know him, right, Kurosawa?"

"Yeah, that's weird, man."

"You guys hang out sometimes."

"Sometimes," Shinobu responded flatly.

He guessed he must have sounded dangerously on edge because the questions halted.

He stood up and muttered, "Going to get cigarettes."

His phone buzzed when he was walking to the nearest store.

'Just done with dinner. What are you up to?' – Ren

There was no way to be honest. Shinobu couldn't tell Ren that he was just pining across the street like a jealous lover.

He certainly couldn't say that he was fucking scared of the feelings he couldn't control.

In the end, he didn't respond.

xxxxxxxx

Ren frowned when he read the message. Another rejection.

He was beginning to feel uneasy. Shinobu had either been ignoring him or declining to hang out recently.

There was a distance even when they met up. Most people would think that it was normal behaviour coming from Shinobu but Ren knew better.

It was as if he was irritated with Ren.

That set off warning signals in Ren's mind which made him feel sick.

Did Shinobu finally see through his efforts at masking his feelings?

Did he know that Ren was pining over him like a lovesick idiot?

"Nah, can't be," he muttered to himself.

"What did you say?" Nozawa queried.

"Nothing," Ren replied quickly as he pocketed his phone and tried to pay attention to the friends he was hanging out with instead. A new trendy cafe which was crammed with high school and college students.

"Great idea coming here," Izumi commented approvingly.

"Hey, look at that table! Whoa!" Nozawa nudged Ren's arm.

"Oh." Ren glanced at the group of Very Cute Girls from a neighbouring school. He couldn't even muster an ounce of interest.

He should tell Doctor Watanabe that pining was a serious medical condition. A condition which ruined one's ability to appreciate beauty. Destroyed common sense. Caused unwanted fantasies and soiled underwear.

"Jeez, you're hard to impress." Arai rolled his eyes.

Izumi snickered. "Well, sucks being popular."

Ren tried to shrug it off and changed the topic. "It's the summer holidays soon."

"The man is right," Nozawa exclaimed. "You guys going on the class trip?"

"Yeah, should be fun."

"You just want to hook up with someone."

"Don't you? Senior year is going to be shit."

"Don't remind me."

Arai shook his head. "Nope, got to help my parents at the inn. It's really busy in the summer."

"You get to enjoy the beach," Izumi suggested with a sly smile.

"It's work!" Arai tried to defend himself but then relented with a sheepish grin. "But yeah, it's not all bad."

Suddenly, an idea hit Ren. Shinobu wouldn't be able to go on any of the class trips.

He turned to Arai and asked, "Do your parents need any part-timers?"

His friend was surprised and then thought he knew the reason. He grinned. "Always. I'll ask them. The pay won't be great though."

Nozawa laughed. "He's not in it for the pay, idiot."

"Thanks." Ren didn't bother to correct his misconception.

Well, Shinobu could avoid him all he wanted. However, he was about to learn just how stubborn Ren could be about their friendship.

As long as he didn't learn just how afraid Ren was of losing him.