The Years That Slipped Away

--First Life, Summer of Fifth Year--

Khan Bojing returned in the beginning of summer.

The light snow that fell in winter had long gone and lively plants filled the streets. Gentle breezes brushed through the calm morning.

For half a year's time, he was gone. It wasn't too long, but wasn't short either. It was enough time to miss one's presence.

The young emperor's face hardened bitterly.

Others would celebrate when coming home, for their family would embrace them with a smile. What family? What smile? In front of him, there stood only servants. His father recently passed and his step-mother had gone to the temple to mourn.

His wife... was nowhere to be seen. In fact, he was sure she didn't care to come see him. She probably didn't bother to find when he would be back.

Khan Bojing tried to hide the disappointment behind his dark eyes. Despite his efforts, a deep sigh still managed to escape. While he was away, he wrote back letters that never got a response. He wasn't sure if she even opened them, let alone read the messages inside.

The more he approached her, the farther she distanced herself. It had been five years. Five years and they made no progress.

What was he supposed to do? He was afraid he wouldn't be able to carry on this way.

His fists tightened with hatred. Many times, he forced himself not to care anymore. Why couldn't he do that to this cold woman? Why couldn't he treat her the same way she treated him?

"Daddy!" A sweet and cheerful voice broke the heavy atmosphere. Khan Bohai was a bright green flash running towards his father. "Daddy, is that you?"

That cold woman had given birth to an impossibly lovely son. A child that shone like the softest sunlight at sunrise. Their son washed away the darkness of the unrelentingly freezing night that was his mother.

Khan Bojing unclenched his hands. He couldn't afford to lose himself, there was a child who relied on him.

He caught his son and twirled him around in the air. When he placed Khan Bohai down, he brushed the boy's hair softly. "Have you been listening well? What are you doing here so early?"

"I came to see you," Khan Bohai grinned innocently. There were sparks shining in his two big eyes that looked at his father with admiration. "Daddy, did you bring something for me?"

Khan Bojing smiled. This lively little boy sure knew how to get what he wanted. "Be patient, I'll give it to you later. Have you eaten?"

Khan Bohai grabbed his father's hand. "I waited for you."

"Who taught you such good manners?"

The child giggled. "You."

"Little Bo, you're learning well." Khan Bojing rubbed his head and carried the boy in his arms.

In the distance, Li Wei tore her eyes away from the sight of them. She silently poured wine into her mouth. The sweet taste she expected didn't come. It was rather sour tinged with bitterness.

"Miss, would you like to welcome back His Majesty?" San'er quietly asked, her voice trembling.

Li Wei carelessly casted a glance at her maid that slowly stepped back. One look was enough to make San'er understand her warning.

In her younger years, she would punish San'er for speaking out of turn. The familiar intense anger that stemmed from deep inside would come splurging out, except it didn't come this time.

The cup in her hand was placed back on the table. She no longer had interest in such impulses. One could say, she had done it all and became bored.

"No need." She calmly stood up. "I'll rest in Eternal Spring for the next few days. No one is to bother me."

Eternal Spring was the garden in which she built for herself. Even as the empress, she rarely spent time in her official courtyard. She disliked the many maids that followed her around, waiting to provide assistance on every little thing.

The strict and formal etiquettes in the palace were suffocating. Each time she stared out into the tiny dots of houses outside the palace, she could only imagine how free that kind of life was.

Other than carrying the title of empress, everything was managed by Chu Fangyin as before. Li Wei had no interest in taking such bothersome roles. In the earlier years, the mother in law and daughter in law pair were like oil and fire. One couldn't go close to the other without flames burning ablaze.

Almost everyday, there would be problems in the palace. Those in between were stuck in a place in which they were sandwiched by two walls of thorns. No matter which way they moved towards, there was pain. One had the backing of the emperor and the other had the backing of the crown prince.

Over time, Li Wei consistently kept her ugly personality, but long with it she also showed no interest in the inner struggles of power. No matter how hateful she was, she had no intentions to takeover someone else's spot. She was rather relieved not having to deal with such matters.

The two fiery women wordlessly settled onto something somewhat of a truce. As long as she didn't provoke the older woman, she could have her peace.

As the empress, she only needed to open her mouth to get anything she wanted. There wasn't a shortage on the material possessions she could have. It was even bothersome to receive things she didn't ask for.

Her existence had become an endless chore. On the outside, she dressed splendidly to fit the appearance of her status. She lived her life like an empty shell going through each day fulfilling the minimal necessary duties of her role.

In the mornings, her eyes opened and in the nights, her eyes closed. She had no purpose to live, but there was also no reason to die.

Li Wei kicked a pebble in her way to vent her frustration. The pebble rolled off the stone path. Her figure visibly stiffened. Unexpectedly, the father and son who should've gone the other way were right in front.

Khan Bohai's smile disappeared. His little hand tightened nervously and he stuck closer to his father's side. "I-imperial Mother..."

Li Wei didn't spare them a second glance and didn't bother to hide the way her eyes quickly looked away. Khan Bojing averted his eyes to the side. The husband and wife didn't speak, for there was no need. There was nothing they both didn't already know.

Deep sadness hid in his eyes. He had a simple request and she didn't do it. They both knew it wasn't because she had forgotten. She deliberately went against him.

This matter was not as simple as refusing to wear something he got for her. It was a gesture of rejection, a signal of disgust, and a warning to step back.

There was no further acknowledgement of the other's presence beyond the accidental glances. The three people were not a family, they were strangers tied together by the name of a family.

Li Wei turned on her heels in the opposite direction. In her mind, she never saw them. Today, she further pushed the cut deeper between them. She knew how her actions hurt him each time.

That's why she did it.

As for herself, her hollow heart had always been cold. Let it remain that way.