Hampinator

I'm a lazy guy and my names Max. This story follows me, a twenty-three year old who's currently living the best time of his life, haha, just kidding, I'm depressed... Let's have a fun time together!

This is the reason I'm going to be writing a list about Why Life's a Bitch, Reason 0: Synopses


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Will be releasing these chapters on: Tuesdays and Saturdays, enjoy! 





























 




















... Has everyone finally left now... I guess they 
won't see this then. That's probably for the best. I really hate it when I need to act all funny in front of others. I mean, why do I, the main character, have to put up with stuff like that. I guess I can't help it, I'm just so likeable... They're totally reading this, aren't they...

Why Life's a B*tch

When I had entered the building it had seemed much bigger than what I was expecting. The colors on the walls and roof were dark grey, It looked a lot like the big building besides it. An enormous muscular man had showed up in front of me, his eyes calm, but ready to snap at any moment, "You're here for the job?" It took all my mental energy to just answer his question without freaking out, "Y-yes", he nodded and started guiding me through the building.


 We first took an elevator downwards and then went up and down multiple stairs. Finally. We arrived at our destination, a brown door was all that separated me from my interviewers. I turned my head over to the big man, he placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded. After that, I was filled with determination. I opened the door.


"We want you to kill this guy", the job interviewers had a serious look on their face as they said this. Now you know how I arrived here. "B-but why me?", the interviewers looked at each other and started laughing, "I didn't know that you were such a humorous guy, Mr. Puffyplat" Why did he just call me by my username?... Don't ask about it. "Why did you call me that?" They both got surprised looks on their faces, "There's no need to test us Mr. Puffyplat, we know that you don't share your real name, you only work with your famous codename" Don't tell me... "When we saw that you signed up for this job we were more than happy to have you on board"


I think I'm starting to get what's happening now, they have confused me for a real assassin! "So, what we want you to do is kill the president of the famous fast-food chain, who specializes in fried chicken: CAW-CAW™" As this was happening I was thinking about how I still had so much more that I wanted to do in life.


For some reason, unknown to me, I was currently standing outside of the big CAW-CAW™ factory. With the two interviewers sitting in a tree nearby, they were keeping a watch on me, with their binoculars. In what world did this qualify as a respected assassination company. I had a microphone in my ear so that they could always keep me updated on the situation. 


"pssh, can you hear me, do you read me Puffyplat?" I had no idea what to do so I just followed along. "Yeah, I can hear you" Every time they started talking to me, an irritating buzzing sound filled my ear. "His name's Chucken Freide and he's been the president of the CAW-CAW™ company since the beginning, your job is to kill him and making it look like an accident" If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that this would end badly for me, no matter what I did.


Max was scared of having an entire organization of assassin's chasing him for the rest of his and in his despair, he chose to enter the building. That's at least how I like to think about it, I don't want to kill anyone so let's improvise the shit out of this situation.


I entered the building and the first thing I was meet with was the horrified scream of a woman (Don't ask me to be politically correct in this situation) and the corpse of Chucken Freide. "There's been a murder!"


Reason 4: Job interviews