Lunarisation II - Part III

15th March

Staghead, Artemis, Freehold territory

Jazz Connolly, another of my father's allies, takes me to an establishment of his. We were only there while we were waiting for my father to have the time to meet with me, but talking with Jazz gave me a lot of insight into how he saw father.

I spent a lot of time pondering over the last thing that Jazz had said. 'How your father struggles with being human', what exactly does he mean by that? After leaving the bar, we headed to an empty part of Artemis that Jazz told me was called Staghead. Apparently, I had been given temporary accomodation here, thanks to my father. I suppose since there is only one shuttle a day, I may end up having to stay the night. Does this mean my father wants me to stay here on the moon with him? What for?

My father is going to meet me here within the hour. That's what Jazz said before he left. The two security guards that walked with us from Jazz's bar stayed outside the apartment after he'd gone. To keep me safe, I guess, or perhaps to stop me from leaving. I decide to take a look around the apartment in the meantime. I've heard that the apartments on the moon are notoriously small, yet this place is about the same size as my home in Christchurch. And it's much more luxurious.

The main room stretches the length of the apartment, from the doorway to a large window at the far end. Along the wall to the right, is a kitchen and pantry, with the main space being taken up by a living area. Through doors leading off to the left, there's one bedroom, and a bathroom. On the other side, through a door past the kitchen, is a second bedroom. The appliances and furniture in the apartment are very small. There's only a mini-fridge, the bedrooms are empty except for beds, and there's no washing machine. In the kitchen, there's a dishwasher and a microwave, but no oven or stove. Are all the apartments here like this?

I lie down on the couch, one of the only pieces of furniture in the lounge, and look up at the ceiling. The ceiling, just like all else in this apartment, is white. The room is so bland. There's nothing of interest in it. Maybe I'm just sentimental, but I would prefer my place to this, even with it being as rundown as it is.

What is it that my father wants? What do I say when he comes? I have so many questions for him, but I'm not sure what I want to ask him most, or what I should really be asking him. I guess most of all I want to know, is what he wants to do with me. Why am I here? According to Kyle, he said that he wanted me here so that I was safe with everything happening at the moment, but that can't be the only reason. I really can't think of any reason. But I'll finally get to ask him, in just a little but. In the meantime, I think I'll have a shower. I should since I haven't had the chance to have one since I left Christchurch.

I've barely finished dressing, when there is a knock on the door. This is the moment that I came to the moon for. To talk to my father. Even though I've been trying to prepare myself for this, it is still a little nerve-racking. I'm still not sure what I want to say to him. What do I want from him?

"Come in."

The handle on the door turns, and a suited leg shows itself. As the door swings open, my father comes in to frame. I don't actually recognise him at first. Sure, I see him in the news every now and then, but he doesn't look like the father I remember from seven years ago. His hair is starting to grey, and he has wrinkles on his forehead. He looks thinner and shorter than I remember, and now he's wearing a suit, something he barely ever wore back during my childhood. I think I remember him have pierced ears when I was very young. Yes, I can see the marks where they were on his left ear. His left arm is supported by some kind of robotic arm. Like an exoskeleton from some sci-fi television series.

"Hey Alexander," he says after a pause. Father walks through, and closes the door behind himself.

"Hey," I reply. I'm not sure what else to say. I can't remember how we used to talk, or what we used to talk about. I wonder what the last thing I said to him was.

"You look well enough," father says. I know why he says it like that. Even though I say he looks thin, he's nowhere near as skinny as me. Some days I can see my cheekbones pronounced on my face in the mirror. But considering how I've been living for the last while, I probably do look 'well enough'.

"And you look old," I say back to him. I'm not sure why I said that. I couldn't control myself. It came out without me thinking it though. Maybe that's because seeing his face makes me a little mad.

He doesn't seem bothered by it, however, as he laughs, "I get that quite a lot these days. The last two weeks probably aged me by a decade."

"I see."

I'm not sure what to do or say after that. We just don't know each other at all. The person I see in front of me is a stranger. If it wasn't for the few features that I recognise instinctively - his eyes, the way he walks, and his long skinny fingers - I wouldn't know who it was that I'm talking to.

"Sorry, I'm not sure what to say," father says, "but I guess I should start by apologising for how everything went seven years ago."

Seven years ago... when he left for the moon, mother disappeared, and I was sent to go live with relatives. And he's apologising for all of this now? After all this, he apologises for that? That's not what I came here for. Why is he saying something like that now? It drives me crazy to here him say that.

"Why are you apologising for that now? After everything that has happened since then?"

I walk up to him, backing him up against the door, "what the fuck is that? Screw that. It's far too late. Just get it over with, and tell me what exactly you brought me here for."

I storm away from him, and go to stand in the kitchen. I can't control myself. I'm so angry with him. I don't know if it's because of seven years ago, but I just feel so... anguished. Looking back, I see that father is taken aback by what I've said. He looks a little bit shocked for a few moments, then I see a glint of anger. What is he going to do? Hit me? But father just closes his eyes and breathes once, then returns his gaze to me, with all his usual composure back. That slight sign of anger, gone.

"Fine. I'll tell you why you're really here."

My father walks over, and sits down on one of the barstools on the other side of the bench from me. I stare at him, into his eyes. The colour of them is so complex. A dark austere shade of green dominates most of his iris, but gives way to a brighter more pleasant shade in the centre, outlining his pupil. Those eyes unnerve me. They give off the air that even now father's mind is somewhere else. That not even close to his entire focus is here, right now. In the present.

"The reason you're here is because I want you to help me achieve my dream. I need someone that I can trust, and there is no one I trust more than you. That might be strange considering that we haven't met in seven years, but I've never been able to trust people, not even my closest allies. The only person I ever trusted was your mother. And even then, I don't think I completely trusted her until after you were born. It took me over a decade of knowing her before I could possibly trust her. But your her flesh and blood. Your my flesh and blood. I want to be able to trust you as well."

"What do you actually want from me?" I have other questions, but my head is swimming, confused, so I can only think to say the first thing that comes to mind.

"I want you to rule beside me here on the moon. What I want is to change the world, and I need someone I can trust beside me. Someone like Aria. And where would I find anyone more like her than you? At first, you'll work for me at Artemis Energy, then maybe hold a government position for a couple of terms, before becoming Consul. I don't know how I'm going to achieve it yet, but I'm going to make the world a better place. Even if it takes more than my lifetime. I need you to make sure that my goal is completed, and carried on, even after I'm dead."

"You want me to be Consul?" I ask. My father wants me to rule alongside him as the leader of the Freehold. But why me? Even if he can't bring himself to trust them, surely there's someone like Kyle or Jazz he could get to rule as Consul. And before that, do I even want to take up that offer? Am I willing to hold an entire world in my hands? Am I capable? Do I really want to leave behind Tayla and the rest of my friends in Christchurch? I suppose I could bring her with me, but would she want that? Do I want this?

And most of all, I still don't entirely understand. My father still hasn't said exactly what his dream is. He said he wants to make the world a better place, but what does he mean by that? How is he going to achieve that? What does a better place look like to him? Does he know? He said himself he didn't know how to achieve his dream, but surely he at least has an end in mind. A better place, a better world. Is that his dream?

"So what exactly is this dream of yours? What are you planning to do to achieve this 'better world'?"

He frowns at this, "I'm not sure how to put it simply. It isn't something that I know how to describe in words. I guess the only way that I could put it is... do you believe in god?"

I don't understand where he's going with this, but I decide to go along with it for now.

"I don't know if god exists or not."

"Why's that?"

"I've seen plenty of things, things that seem near miraculous... and yet I don't think I've seen anything that can't be explained without the existence of some higher power."

My father nodded at that, "personally, I don't believe in god at all. If such a being did exist, there would be some proof, or some doubt, that it might exist. As far as I'm concerned, the divine are just a way for people to explain the inexplicable, or to place blame elsewhere. But let's say hypothetically, that a godlike being, an all-powerful entity, really existed. What would you think of it?"

"What? Are you saying that you want to become a god? Is that it?"

"Of course not," my father replies, "what I want isn't to become god. What I need to do is kill god."