Chapter 21

When Alex wakes up the next morning, he feels sore all over. He groans. What happened yesterday for him to feel like this? Well, they were playing a lot at the lake. Sore muscles would be the after effect for this.

His mind still foggy from sleep it takes a moment for him to go through all his memories from yesterday. He made a huge step forward with Daniel. He still feels his heartbeat quicken when he thinks about them sitting on the blanket and holding hands. The date at the restaurant was also all he could ever hope for. After sitting in silence for the first half, Daniel suddenly started questioning him. Alex felt glad, that the other man seemed genuinely interested in him. And afterwards, he gathered all of his courage and actually kissed him first. God, it was exhilarating when Daniel reciprocated the intimacy. Even today, he still feels the kiss linger on his lips.

But then everything went sideways. Alex' face darkens as he recalls the memory. It was truly frightening. Being threatened with a knife to his throat, Zero suddenly attacking someone and Daniel's gaze, which was so cold, so full of hatred and anger.

Alex doesn't know what to make of this last scene of their date. Should he be frightened? It would be normal, to feel like that. Should he be angry at Daniel, for involving him in his world? He certainly was afraid.

Hesitating a bit, he asks himself: Should he be afraid of Daniel?

Remembering the violence and Daniel's cold face, he feels, that Daniel could be a fear-inducing person if he wanted to.

Alex still did not feel satisfied with these answers given to himself. They were too logical.

But before he dared to ask himself the most important question - Despite everything, were his feelings far enough developed to overlook the common sense? - he gets out of bed to get himself a glass of water.

There he finds, he shouldn't have bothered with all these questions. Why?

Because Daniel already answered for him.

There it lays, a note, handwritten, casually placed on the table. It contains the answer. Or more precisely made all questions meaningless: Daniel didn't want to continue their relationship.

Alex stares blankly at the note, sitting down. Three weeks of his emotions in a roller coaster ride, all reduced to some lines on paper.

Slowly, a tear starts to form in his eye, gently rolling down his cheek.

He didn't know whether this tear was a result of his exhaustion or because of the end of this budding relationship.

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The day went by in a daze. Alex immersed himself in work, going through the motions that were slowly getting familiar. Subconsciously, he avoided Peter who thankfully didn't seem to be aware of the change in the relationship between his uncle and his teacher. He played happily with Emma and Leon.

In the evening he walked Zero a very long round since he only managed to make a short walk in the morning. Without eating dinner he slumped on his bed and fell asleep in his clothes, the mental fatigue catching up to him.

The next day was a repetition of this. He only nibbled on his bread he brought for breakfast, making up the missing calories with coffee, which he normally doesn't drink.

On the third day this lifestyle of not eating and high caffeine finally caught up to him, who was unaccustomed to both of these. He felt jittery, his mind all over the place. In this state he missed out on a four-year-old starting to climb up a tree. Only when the child fell and screamt he looked up. His supervisor was already with the child, comforting it and tending to the scraped hands and knees. She shoots Alex a disdainful look.

"Teacher Alex. If you are not feeling well, please take a leave and see yourself home. Right now, you are a danger to the children."

Alex' eyes widen in shock and realization. She was right. He could be in a daze all he wanted while he was at home, it would only incomodate himself. But here, at his workplace, everyone trusted in him surveying and guarding the children.

His posture slumped even more than before. He felt utterly defeated by the world. "Yes, ma'am. I am sorry. It will never happen again."

His supervisor twisted her lips in affirmation and guilt as she sees that the young man is close to tears. But she let him go. He had to sort himself out, she couldn't help him with that and pity would not bring him closer to a solution.

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Back home, when Alex walks through the door, Zero greets him. "Zero, I messed up today." He buries his face in the dog's fur and finally, after three days of not sorting out his emotions, the tears finally start to flow.

"Zero, I am horribly human being. Just because I was dumped I didn't pay attention and a child got hurt because of it. I am a failure as a kindergarten teacher, a failure as a human being."

His dog just sits patiently, letting his owner cry and dirtying his fur. From time to time he would wind his head to touch his owner with his muzzle, trying to comfort him.

"Thank you, Zero."

Ten minutes later, Alex finally starts to calm down. He continues talking to himself and his dog. "You know, Zero, what happened this Sunday was really terrifying. I always lived a normal life, away from those dark parts of society. But just after one glimpse down the rabbit hole I end up with a knife at my throat. That is just too crazy."

He takes his time to breath in his dog's scent, calming himself down while recollecting the memories of that evening.

"You know, when my brother and I were little we always watched these films together, about the 'glorious gangster life'. There was always some young woman from a sheltered background that fell deeply in love with the gangster boss and went with him, exposing herself and her future family to the dangers of his world." Alex sighs at the memory from his childhood. "We would never understand why this foolish girl would throw away her sheltered life just for some guy. I mean, the logical choice was obvious. Call the police on these gangsters and get out of there."

Alex chuckles at his foolish younger self.

"Now, look at me, Zero. What did I do, when I was faced with a bleeding person collapsing against my shoulder?" He left the question hanging between them.

Alex was too exhausted to pursue this line of thought any further. He instinctively felt that it would lead him to a dangerous place and dangerous questions that could impact his life more than he would have ever imagined.

But today he was just too exhausted for these life changing questions. So he just stands up, strips and buries himself under the blankets. He feels Zero trailing behind him, settling down right next to the bed so Alex can reach his fur with his hand.

With his hand touching the comforting warmth of his dog, Alex drifts off into a dreamless sleep.