Leftovers

He rushes all this out in a great slur of words, he's out of breath I don't think I've ever heard him yell before. I also didn't realise he was so attentive," didn't he?" he repeats. I pinch myself on the arm. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, I chant to myself. I didn't want him to know. Of all people, I would never want HIM to know. I step back. Breathe, I beg. Deny, flight, fight.

Deny," that's so stupid. I don't think I've ever heard anything so ridiculous." I'm terrified. Even though my dad's gone, he still haunts me. I can still see him. He turned into a ghost because he had unfinished business. I don't know what it is but it had something to do with me I'm sure of it. "Don't be absurd" I whisper. I'm less confident now. I didn't want a confrontation. I wanted a conversation. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe what dad did was my fault too? I just want to getaway.

"What did he do to you..." Jerry pokes at my past like it's an infection. He's always been curious I just didn't realise that it'd be the death of me. "Talk to me! That's all I ask. Nacho and I are worried about you all the time but if we mention it we either get denial or anger! Bea, I beg of you!" He sees my feet move towards the front door. Light as a feather. A couple more paces I promise myself. He grabs my hand. I jump. 'Just do as your dad says' my mother's voice rings through my head.

Flight. I bite my lip. My natural reaction is to ask my dad what he needs, then tell him that I was just about to go out. "I'm just heading in D-Jerry, is there something you need?" His eyes wide Jerry pulls me close. This is not my ship.

"Was he using you? Hurting you?" I imagine a doctor with a scalpel scraping down the flesh digging towards the problem... me. I push him away and jump towards the door. Not again. My heart beats into my ears. Mouth dry, eyes watery.

"Jerry, please!" I screech," I'm just a child!" My head hurts and my ears burn when I realise what I've said. I used to say that every day. Stupid instincts.

"Jerry let's go," Nacho says. When did he get here? Jerry protests but he knows I'm done. The door opens behind me and the head of the boarding house shoos the boys away and then ushers me in. I don't think I have ever had to use 'fight' in my life but I was so very close back there. Emma the head of the house warms up some food in the microwave and asks if I'm settling in okay. I nod. There are no rules for when you're meant to be back. Which is why she isn't angry. As I've said there are a shit ton of vampires in the school. Emma tries to chat with me but leaves after a couple of questions. I'm not a very interesting person apart from the shit about my parents. I finish up my dinner and trudge up to bed. I hate my room. It's a sickly yellow colour and my sheets are stained with blood. Vampires man. The bed has bright blue covers and are scratchy. maybe I'll use a bit of magic to 'enhance' this room and not at ALL change it. I'll start with the walls.