Voices

There is a darkness that lies within everyone, to an extent. Then you have the special ones who can't control their darkness. I consider the human mind an interesting concept. Male minds are a lot like a house. Each room is a different section and once they enter that room, they are stuck on that specific topic. Let's say the room is about sports, specifically football (or for others, soccer). The male can only concentrate on the game and what is being done. Everything around him is completely gone. If it isn't in the walls of the topic, it is completely irrelevant and so there is no need to think about it. Female minds are more complicated and less orderly. Think about a web of lines on a cork board in a detective's office. Everything is connected somehow, even if there is something that doesn't seem like they would be related, their mind will find a way to connect them.

For me, gender is irrelevant. My mind is consumed by darkness, however, the darkness hasn't consumed quite everything. I am special. My mind creates a world that I live in. There are four people that live here. Even though I would enjoy another, the others don't like that, so I'm stuck with the other three. We keep each other company, even though we all don't get along. Their names were hard to give to them, for their personalities are complicated. It's not like you can give them the name of their emotion. *cough cough* Disney, Pixar and Inside Out. *cough cough*

The first person I like to call my somewhat Logical side, controls the exact dates of things, the time of day it is, knows every little thing I've learned in my lifetime, takes everything in a scientific stand point. His name is Favain. Favain in Latin means "brave" and "man of wisdom".

Then I have the person who controls my wants, my lusts, and desires. Her name is Avilasa. Avilasa is Indian for "A very personal desire". Avilasa loves to toy with me, especially when it comes to hard decisions. She likes to take over. Take control. Sometimes I wish I could just give in to her, but I know I can't. It's not allowed in society.

The third person is my anxiety, my fears, the deceit within my head. The one who is evil. The darkness within me. Dolion is his name. Dolion is Greek for "Deceitful". He likes to show up at unexpected times. Impersonate others, so I will bow down before him and give in to the darkness. To be evil. He's the monster of the man. The Mr. Hyde of Dr. Jekyll.

The fourth and final person controls my morality of society's etiquette. Let's me know what's the norm and the unsaid rules of the world. What you can and can not do. The rights and wrongs of this world. His name is Theabul. That is Arabic for "A Humble, Trustworthy and Honest person". He is like that little angel that sits on my shoulder, telling me what the right thing is to do all the time. It only works when I listen to him.

Favain never gets along with anyone but himself. No one is orderly and gets things done, so he doesn't typically like others. Avilasa tries to compete with Dolion to see who can enslave me, until Theabul comes in moments later just to get them all to butt heads. Their voices can be soothing some days, but then other days they'll argue nonstop until I go crazy. I'll get antsy and start worrying. When the voices in my head get louder and louder, then Tom comes out.

Tom is a man out to get me. I fear for my life every time the voices in my head start to argue. Tom has the intention of hurting me. I know this for a fact, but my sister who lives with me says that I live in a fantasy world. That none of this is real. She tells me that I'm very sick, but I don't feel sick.

This morning she came into my room like she does every morning at 7:30. She turns on the lights and I can hear Avilasa tell her to turn the light back off. But Katie, my sister, doesn't listen. Katie just sits on the edge of my queen sized bed, and lightly shakes my shoulder. She whispers my name over and over until I acknowledge her. I turn over and I'm greeted with my sister's smile, a small cup of pills, and a glass of orange juice.

I sit up and take my medicine. It's supposed to help me feel better because I'm sick. I don't even know what I'm sick with. No one bothered to tell me, but maybe I'm living a lie. Maybe I'm danger and there are people out to get me. I don't know. I don't know what's real anymore.

"I love you, Hun. It's time to get out of bed. Hurry up and get ready, I have to go to work soon." My sister says. She sounds like a broken record. She says that every morning. She kisses my forehead gives me a sweet smile before she left the room. Some days her morning wake up call annoys me, but sometimes it makes me feel a lot better. I can't ever repay her for all the things she's done for me. She's the only family member I have left. The rest of my family abandoned me when I started getting "sick".

I sigh, rolling out of bed. Surprisingly I land on my feet this time. I go over to my dresser and see my reflection in the mirror. My hair doesn't seem too messy, but my face looks like it's still in bed. I go through my drawers finding a clean t-shirt and a pair of bluejeans. I brush the dark colored hair upon my head.

"You don't look so sick. Just sleepy." Avilasa tells me. I see her in the corner of my room through the mirror that stands in front of me on the dresser.

"You're right." I give her a half smile. I turn to see my sister in the doorway once more.

"Who you talkin' to?" She looks at me confused.

"Oh, uh...Its Avilasa. She was just saying that I look like I'm still sleepy." I don't look at my sister.

"Huh. I'm sure your tiredness will go away. Say good-bye to your friend and lets go. You still have breakfast to eat, silly." She gleams with a bright smile, going into the bathroom.

I nod, but she was already gone. I find some socks, and put them on at the dining room table and I shovel cereal in my mouth. I hurry to put on my black converse shoes and grab my black backpack. My sister comes up behind me, handing me my black hoodie, gratefully putting it on as I walk out the door.