Guilty Conscience

Both Sam and Nathaniel didn't know an answer to this question, but they thought it highly possible that one of these 'gods' or even both were the founders of the organization. Whoever Alexander Icefall expected to become a 'god of magic' similar to him, could only be someone he respected and maybe even shared his research with.

"There is still one other possibility though", Nathaniel broke the silence. "These 'gods of magic' could also be overpowering mages he wanted to create. Like the power he put in me. But then I doubt he would have had the time to create others. All in all, it seems more likely the 'gods' were him and two others."

Sam nodded in approval. "I also find the first explanation more feasible."

"Since we don't have enough information to judge it now, how about you continue your story and find out afterwards?", Nathaniel suggested, and leaned back into the chair again.

Sam cleared his throat, then he squinted his eyes as he stared into the air above Nathaniel's head. "When was it again? I think when I came back from my last mission in the Renat kingdom. My master suddenly ordered me to stay by his side and protect him. I was against it, as I found it tiresome and restricting to stay in one place for a long time. Yet he insisted. Since he was the King already and I swore my loyalty, there was not much I could do. The renowned assassin turned into a bodyguard. Surprisingly, I even liked it after a while. I turned more and more into a normal person the longer I stayed. There were times I interacted with the palace inhabitants as if I was one of them."

He paused, soaking in the memories. Like in his description, he himself slowly turned warmer, until a nostalgic smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Her Highness Irene had not an inkling of fear in her gaze when she talked to me. It might even be her influence alone that turned me into a human being."

The two sentences were like a dagger piercing through Nathaniel's heart. Time could not lessen the impact each mention of his aunt had, though he bore it with a straight face now. Knowing this, Sam coughed awkwardly, and continued: "Anyway, since I was in the palace then, I gained a different perspective on the man I called my master. He was very secretive, but sometimes I would hear noises through his door late at night, arguments between him and the Queen, the screams of a woman. I idealized him too much to recognize the sounds as what they were. That was my fault. Then it was also my fault that I mentioned it in front of Her Highness Irene. I thought of it too little. Never did I expect her to investigate and cause a deadly situation."

Sam's head hung low as if he was still held down by his guilt. Unexpectedly, Nathaniel raised his voice. "You mean to say, it was my aunt who investigated the mistreatment of Queen Layla?"

"Yes. She surprised him when he had Queen Layla strapped on a chair, using a painful procedure to send foreign magic into her body. Or, more likely, send it into the fetus inside her which I didn't know existed. I saw everything through the open door. He got startled when he saw Irene, his eyes widened. Then there was some kind of backlash as the magic under his control went berserk and turned against him. I don't know if he knew what would happen, but he kicked the chair your mother sat on away before the magic exploded in his face. I ran for a doctor, but he came too late. The person I was bound to protect, died instantly. He was only able to save his wife and - though I didn't know it - his unborn baby. You."

After this sudden turn of the story, Sam fell silent, his gaze at Nathaniel complicated. He was not sure if he should have been more careful with the description of Alexander Icefall's death, since Nathaniel was his biological son. However, he also knew that Nathaniel didn't appreciate it if something was lengthened artificially that could also be described in a few short words.

And he was right. The man in question only frowned and didn't seem touched by his father's death at all. After a prolonged silence, he looked up from his folded hands and said: "I assume it was because of the experiment. From what I heard Alexander Icefall didn't strike me as someone who would choose death to save someone else. At first glance, his action might seem heroic, but it's more likely his egoistic wish for his experiment to live on. Even though it obviously is a failure. Maybe the failure was even caused by this interruption."

Sam's lips turned into a straight line when he heard Nathaniel analyze the facts so coldly. He himself had always had his doubts about his former master's last decision, but he had preferred it to be an affectional act. Maybe not affection to the mother, but at least affection to the unborn child. It was terrible to see that the child himself had not the slightest doubt of what he was to his father. An experiment. A failure. Someone unwanted, unneeded.

Hearing him like this, anger swelled in Sam's throat, letting him tug at his bow tie because it felt too tight. "You are not.", he uttered roughly. "You are no failure. I forbid you from thinking like that!"

A weak smile crossed Nathaniel's lips, but it lost against the coldness that filled him, suffocating all emotions. Reality had told him there was nothing to expect from his past, neither bonds nor warmth. It didn't surprise him anymore, only made him feel cold and tired. "Thank you for telling your story. Like you wished, I am more prepared for the future now."

"No", Sam insisted, and shook his head. "That was not all yet. I didn't tell you how I became your guardian yet."

With a wave of his hand, Nathaniel declined the explanation. "I can guess it myself. It's my hair and eyes. It's not usual for albinos to inherit these traits from their parents, so you must have thought nothing of it. However, you decided to protect me because you couldn't fulfill your role with him, right? Even though he was a bad person, you felt guilty because of your promise to protect him. That kind of loyalty is typical for you. It is also why I would say your original profession didn't match you. You have too much of a conscience."

Surprised at first, Sam soon found his tongue again. "It was not only that, your Highness. There was someone who was so concerned for your safety that she asked me to look after you whenever I was free. You know who it was."

"Of course", Nathaniel agreed, and the reminder didn't fail to bring some emotion back into him, even though it was mostly sadness. "She was the only one who really cared for me then. And later, there was also you."

When Nathaniel looked at him, Sam nodded gravely. "It only took you a few days to make me serve you sincerely. You were an admirably smart and thoughtful child, but still much too young to be thrown into such a tiger den like the palace. If only I had been there on the day of your disappearance, I would have searched for you and Princess Irene with everything I got. It is still my greatest regret that I accepted the mission in Rugart back then. I came back too late."

Already knowing of this, and also that Sam was the one who finally found his disoriented younger self out there on the mountain, nearly frozen and shocked to death, Nathaniel only nodded. "You did what you could. I can't count how many times I would have died without you."

Besides freezing, his younger self had also denied any food unless forced and not spoken a word for nearly six months. In this time, Sam had had no other choice than to learn how to take care of a child, because the young Nathaniel would get agitated whenever anyone else got near him. And when he was agitated, losing control of his magic was the usual result.

Suddenly, knocks broke into the solemn atmosphere. Compared to Sam's previously, these were lighter, hesitant. Sam saw Nathaniel freezing, and already knew who this sound belonged to. Then a voice called through the door, just as hesitant and soft. "Darling... can I come in?"