If Only We Had Never Met

I remember how determined your voice was as you begged me with that sweet voice of yours, "Eva, let's escape from this place."

Your hand was outstretched as you offered to hold my own. Like always, I hesitated, but this time I decided to chance it. You were like a ray of sunshine in my abyss of darkness. Gingerly, I reached out for your hands preparing myself to escape this prison of mine.

Your hands brought me comfort. Security. Grasping both of my hands with your own, you kneeled down and whispered your plan in my ear.

How excited you were. I had never once taken your hands like this, and I should never have made that choice to do so then.

I remember how serious you had looked, but even as you spoke so seriously, you still continued to shine so brightly. You held my hands within your own and as I looked up to see your face within the darkness, I thought I could see my own reflection in your eyes.

But that was all just an illusion. I had thought to myself that surely you were smiling. A smile that reached your eyes, but even if you were, I could never see it.

I had never truly seen your face. Your face was always hidden from me. All I could ever see were the shadows. And on that fated day, all I could see was your fragile silhouette as you carefully led me from the confines of my cage.

If only I had never followed you.

You had carefully planned this. Spent many long, long hours meticulously setting up the escape route. Your eyes were surely brightly lit with determination, but my existence only brings forth trouble.

And like always, darkness ensued.

One by one, the numerous bright lights you had prepared extinguished. I remember how tightly you had gripped my hands, as of afraid that I would be taken from you. How accurate that fear was. But it wasn't I that was taken, but you.

I remember how you held me close whispering sweet, sweet promises in my ears as if to reassure me- to comfort me. Even in such a situation you only ever cared about my own wellbeing.

If only I had never believed those promises.

You held me tightly in your arms and despite how weak and scrawny they were, I found comfort in them. As you held me in your embrace, you hummed gently that song we once shared. I never thought it would be years before I would hear that sound again.

In that time in which we shared, you used to always brush my hair. Gently, so not to hurt me, you would brush away every snag. And softly, like always, you sang that song. But unlike always, your voice shook as your hands gently combed through my long tangled hair.

As you held me in your arms, your voice quavered as you repeated those two dreaded words,

"I'm sorry."

Your arms shook as you whispered those words, your heartbeat was irregular and water fell from your face.

But why were you apologizing? You did nothing wrong.

It was always me who was at fault, it was never you.

If I had never made the choice to leave my cage...

If I had stayed behind...

Perhaps this wouldn't have happened.

If only...

Minutes passed, perhaps hours even. Just one more second, just one more...

But even your silhouette was fading into the darkness. All I could feel was the faint trace of the warmth of your hands as they clasped my own.

Your quavering voice, your sweet, sweet voice was fading and what little warmth that I had felt was quickly receding.

No. No. Please... no.

But even the faintest traces of warmth had faded and all that was left was the darkness and cold.

If only I hadn't taken your hands.

Don't leave me, I remember you saying.

Don't leave me, I found myself echoing, my voice cracking from disuse.

If only...

Your sweet, sweet voice lingered in my head. Softly you would whisper in my ear, over and over. Holding my hands tightly, I wondered why you were never afraid of my existence. Never did you despise me because of it. You were always a mystery, a rare being, a light in this darkness.

But because of me.

Because of me...

That light was extinguished and that warmth that you brought only made me realize how much colder it was here without you.

How much darker it was now that you were no longer here.

In this prison of mine, I can only whisper,

"If only we had never met."