Prologue

April, 12th 2000

Dear Journal,

In English class today we got to go to a theater performance called Stand Up. It was kind of boring but there was this really cute guy in it. We got to meet the actors after the play. He said his name is Lance and asked for my number. I wonder if he will really call me. He had blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes. I hope he calls. The rest of the day is really boring. Jason was a butt head thinks he is big stuff cause he has no school. Jenny keeps on bugging me to spend time with her she is such a leach. Mom is making me take her to a movie tonight so I will Talk later...

April 13th 2000

Dear Journal,

Well today Jonny made me laughed so hard that milk came out of his nose he is such a child. There are no guys in school I have anything in co-min with. Can't wait till summer time to get away from all these kids. Lance had not called yet but I am still hoping he does. It would be nice to date a man instead of a boy. The movie last night was not bad for a cartoon. Just wish I did not have to be there with my little sister. Tonight I have to help dad at the store tonight lamo but have to go now Talk late...

April 14th 2000

Dear Journal,

Happy tax day. Dad is all grumpy trying to finish his taxes for the year, because the 15th falls on a Saturday. School was a big bore. Mr Gite class we had a pop quiz. I think I passed but why does he have to pull these surprise on us. At lunch we had food fight it was so ohh... Guess we all have spring fever cant wait till graduation and the beginning of our lives. When I got home from school guess what? He called and asked me out for tonight.. He wants me to meet him after the play is over at 8. Can't wait what will I wear. This is so excited. Talk later...

April 15th 2000

Dear Journal,

My Date last night was amazing. He is so talented. We went to Joey's Pizza Plaza and he talked all night about his hope and dreams. He wants to go to Hollywood and work in the movies. He thinks he got what it takes to make it big. I could have listen to him forever but I had to be home by midnight. This was the best night of my life. I think I am in love. Talk later...

May 25th 2000

Dear Journal,

Today's the day. All ready to graduate. Mom and Dad are so prod of me. They never thought I would make it. I asked Lance to come because I know there is no performance tonight but he said he could not make it. He said its not because he does not want to be there but he has an appointment he can not miss. I think it's because my Dad has made it clear he does not like Lance. This is my night why can't the two men I love the most get along. I get to go to the after party the PTA is giving us this will last time the class of 2000 will be together. Time to go Talk later...

July 5th 2000

Dear Journal,

This week has been hard. I have been working hard at the Hardware store and saving my money. Lance keeps asking me to marry him and go to LA with him. Dad still does not like him and refuses to talk to me about him. Every time I come home from a date he stops speaking to me for a few days. I know Lance is not the man my father wants for me but he is a good man who treats me right. Dad wants me to go to collage and Lance wants to get married but I don't know what to do. Got to get up really early we have a shipment coming in and Dad wants me to help log it in. Talk later..

July 25th 2000

Dear Journal,

Do you really want to know about my day. Same old fights with both Dad and Lance. Why do they pull me in two different directions. Mom says I need to decide and then stick to what I decide cause I am the only person who can make me happy. But how can I do that when the people I love are so unhappy with my life. I don't know I just want to crawl into bed and sleep the summer away. I am tired of the fighting with Dad and the disappointment in Lance's eyes. I wish you could help me to decided. But thanks for listening to me. Talk later...

August 4th 2000

Dear Journal,

After a lot of thinking and arguing with Dad; I have made up my mind about Lance. Tomorrow we will leave for California no matter what Dad says. I know Lance loves me and he thinks he can make a go at acting and I know he will be famous someday. Just wish my parents could see in him what I see. I just don't understand why they don't believe in me as much as I believe in Lance. Got to pack see you soon…

August 5th 2000

Dear Journal,

We are on the road now on our way to Las Vegas and I feel bad. Dad came home as I was leaving and we had a big fight. I will give him a few days to cool down and I will give him a call. I know in time he will see that what I am doing is the right thing for me. Why can't he let me grow up and live my life? Lance says it will be alright in time and we don't need family. We have each other. But I can't help but think there is something now missing. Hopefully dad will come around. Talk later…

August 6th 2000

Dear Journal,

I am now Mrs. Lance Highland. We were married in one of those little chapels. There were flowers everywhere and the minster was dressed like Elvis. It was so romantic. I think I am going to love married life. We got a room in Circus circus not the honeymoon suite but a nice room. Lance just ran out to get some things but would not tell me what it was. I can't wait till he gets back. Well I have to get ready for my Honeymoon. Mrs. Lance Highland I never get tired of writing that. Talk Later…

2 am I wonder were Lance has gotten to he still has not come back from the store. I am getting worried I guess I will call the desk to see what they think I should do. They said at the front desk that he is in the casino, guess I just have to wait. Why would he choose to spend his honeymoon there and not with me. Talk later.

4 am Lance is back but is stone drunk. He spent most of our money at the tables playing blackjack. He passed out as soon as he hit the bed. What have I gotten myself into? Talk later…

August 7th, 2000

Dear Journal,

On the road to La again. I asked lance about last night and he said not to such a wine baby. We are now short money that I worked for. He said if I keep on wining about it then he will give me something to wine about. I did not like the looks in his eyes so I shut up. Marriage like is not starting out very good. Talk later

August 8th, 2000

Dear Journal,

We are in La now and because we have little money we are going to live out of our car till be can find a place we can afford. Which is not much. I have not complain to him I want to be supportive but it is hard. I just want to cry but can't I miss home. Talk later...

August 10th, 2000

Dear Journal,

We found a place to stay here in LA and can stop living out of our car. It is a real dump. I used the last bit of money we had to rent it. We are now broke. I am still looking for a job. Lance and I had another big fight he says he can't look for a job because he says he needs to be free to meet with talent agents. I called home today and Dad would not even talk to me. He told mom he only has one daughter and she is at school right now. Why does he have to be that way? I sure could use some loving help right now but I guess I am really on my own. Thanks for the ear. Be back soon…

August 11th, 2000

Dear Journal,

I got the job at Willies Burger Hut, Pay's not that great but at least we will have money coming in. Lance came home from an interview and was really upset he was ranting about the agent saying he had no talent and to go back to Oklahoma. When I said that would be a good idea he hit me. I can't believe he hit me and I now have a black eye. It is all puffy and hurts real bad. I know he did not mean it. I need to have faith in him. I do have faith in him. I should have told him what he wanted to hear and not what I was feeling at that moment. I did not mean it. I do believe in him and I know he will make it someday. I just wish it would be soon. I miss home and hate it here right now but I know it will get better... Seems like forever since I had a good meal. Guess I should stop whining and as my mom says. 'You made your bed now lay in it. Talk to you later…

July 4th 2001,

Dear Journal,

Lance came home again upset; he did not get the part in the TV show he was trying out for. Why won't he see that he is never going to make it? I no longer talk to him about it. It is safer that way as you know. He is getting were he hits me more and more. I am feeling ashamed even telling you. I don't know how to make things better. On a good note I got the grant to go to school. I start in August, not sure what I want to go into I have the next year to decide. I am going to be part of the work program and we can live on campus. Lance will not be real happy but I think it will be alright when he finds out he will have money now to spend on his acting classes and he has agreed to the move. I called Mom yesterday after I wrote to you and wished her a happy birthday. Dad still won't talk to me and she says he won't even talk about me. When will he forgive me for leaving? I miss his voice and would love to get his input on what class I should take. Got to go, fireworks will start soon. They are so cool over the ocean. Talk Later...

June 5th 2002

Dear Journal,

Lance has a job on a sitcom as a fill in customer. He is so excited. He did not give me any details but I'm sure he will when he gets home. I hope this will stop him hitting on me so much. But I know it's my fault, I should learn not to say what I think, always been a bad habit as you know. Today during summer class's I decided I am going into teaching. Though my friend Lonnie says I need to be a makeup artist. Lol, guess I have been getting good at hiding the black eyes. But he says he loves me and I believe him. Got to go he is home. Catch up later...

December 25th 2003

Dear Journal,

Merry Christmas!!! Lance went to a party at work. He said it was just for the actors. He is so much happier and I am glad he has stopped hitting me. Our lives are finally taking off. Can't wait till I finish up and graduate next spring and be able to teach. Then maybe he will be willing to start a family. Christmas is a time for family. I miss mine. I called home today to wish mom a merry Christmas. I was surprised that Dad said Merry Christmas too. Wish I could go visit them, I miss them so much. Mom said that Jason and Sue are having a little Girl in March and Jenny is going to get married in July. How I would love to go home for these things. Maybe I'll ask Lance. Then again I'll just wait and see. Talk later...

April 2nd, 2004

Dear Journal,

Still a little drowsy just got back from the ER. Lonnie took me cause Lance ran out on me and I don't know where he is right now. We had a big fight about me wanting to go home and visit my family. Jason just had a little girl she named her Elizabeth after me. The beating I took was the worse and he broke my arm. I was in so much pain I had a hard time calling Lonnie to help me. She wants me to leave him and go home to my family. She went though my phone and wrote down a number not sure why but right now the drugs I have are good. I tired now talk later...

May 24th 2004

Dear Journal,

I am a Teacher now. I am so proud of myself just wish that Lance could have seen me walk down the aisle. He had a meeting he had to be at. Not sure what it is about he gets angry when I ask so I don't. But I am so proud that I did it. I am going to apply for work around here, they are already hiring for next year. It will be great. I am going to the 'after party' at the Deans' house Talk Later...

April 1st, 2004

Dear Journal,

Moving into our new home today, I had to hire some guys to help cause Lance could not be bothered to day. It is a cute little house. Lonnie was a big help she helped me unpack and find places for everything. Hope I find a job at one of the schools. I have an interview tomorrow at Hoover Grant Elementary. Tired now so will talk later... PS Lance called and said he is not coming home tonight but would not say why.

August 15th, 2004

Dear Journal,

I start my new job today. Being a 3rd grade teacher at Hoover Grant Elementary school is going to be great. I am going in and set up my class today and school starts on the 18th. Lance is still gone on that location shoot to New York. I miss him. Wish he would call more but at least he is working. He will be home in a few more days. Well got to go to school I am so excited. Talk later...

May 23rd 2005

Dear Journal,

Schools out today this was a great year I sure will miss my kids! The school board wants me to sign a new contract for next year. I told them I need to talk to Lance first because he has been in New York for the past 6 months. If he is going to be there awhile then I will need to find a job there I Guess. Even though he tells me not to call him I will go ahead they need to know ASAP. Tell you about it later.

Boy, am I upset, mad, and confused. Just got off the phone with a woman that claims she is Lance's girlfriend and not to call him there again. What is going on? I have a bad felling about this. Guess I can only wait till he calls me. How could he do this to me? I know he loves me there has to be some other explanation for this. Talk later…

May 24th 2005

Dear Journal,

I just got off the phone with Lance at first he tried to deny that he has a girlfriend and after some crying and yelling he told me the truth about her and then he told me it was over that he never loved me and wants me out of his life. Said he did not owe me an explanation and he was just using me to get what he wanted all these years. I want to die right now. Dad was right, why did I not see what was going on. What do I do now? Help me! Later...

May 8th 2005

Dear Journal,

Lonnie talked me in to talking to a lawyer today. He said I need to file. And to take any accounts I have in both our names and just put them in mine so he can not get them. I still feel numb all over why did I not see this coming. The divorce is going to cost me a thousand dollars. So I went to the bank the SOB took out all My money. I had $2,000 in there and it's all gone! What am I going to do now? Lonnie keeps saying to swallow my pride and call home. I guess I will give it a try. I'll tell you later how it goes.

May 10th 2005

Dear Journal,

I called mom today and wished her a Happy Birthday. I was surprised when it was Dad I got on the phone. I decided to take a deep breath and pray he did not hang up on me and I asked him about the thousand dollars and coming Home and to my surprised he said yes. I was glad he did not ask why, he just said for me to come. I'll call and quit my teaching job. I can't wait to go home. Later…