Nov 30 : Deaths

Dear Diary,

Do you know how many soldiers die every day? At the very least 10 died while on treating, another 10 died while on the road back to base, and countless soldiers died on the battlefield. Every day we need to see these soldiers on the verge of dying. Some have even become our friends.

Do you know how painful it is to lose someone? I thought I wouldn't feel like this anymore after mom leaving us, but now every time I see a soldier closing his eyes when I treated his injuries, my heart bumping loudly and quickly. And I need to double-check his pulse to make sure that he is still alive.

I never realize that I'm this scared of losing people. They are not even close to me, but I'm just this frightened to see them die.

I wonder if Joe feels this kind of emotion too.

Joe never told me much about his family. He once told me that he is the second child of the family, he had an older brother, a younger sister and a younger brother. Unlike me, he lost them all in one night.

I at least lost my parents one by one, I didn't lose both at once. But he did. Not only parents, but he also lost his siblings. I can't imagine the despair that he felt at that moment. I thought that I have the worst luck to ever lost both my parents while the others still have theirs. But in reality, so many people's life is worse than mine.

It's no wonder that Joe is clinging onto me and sis. We are the only one resembling a family he has left.

Life is so unfair to us. I wonder where God is when this world has turned into this chaotic.