Special Chapter

I often question my own strength.

Do I truly possess it?

Sometimes, I think not. I feel like I'm merely doing what anyone would for someone they deeply care about. I'm just here, nurturing him and showering him with love. To me, it seems like such a small contribution. If only I could do more; if only I could somehow alleviate his burdens further.

How long will I continue this?

As long as I draw breath. After all, I made a promise—a promise that binds me to him in ways I can scarcely describe.

There are moments when dreams come to me. Beautiful, joyous dreams.

Yet, I awaken to the stark reality that surrounds me—a reality cruel and unforgiving. I don't complain, though. His reality, I know, is far harsher than my own.

Regret is a concept I cannot entertain. I would never wish to change a moment of my time spent with him. Every shared glance, every quiet moment, has enriched my life. I would choose to relive it all, over and over. He has transformed into my entire world, someone I cannot fathom living without in such a remarkably short span of time.

What kind of dreams do I have?

They are painful in their beauty. In those dreams, I experience indescribable happiness, but the moment I awaken, my heart feels irrevocably torn apart.

I find myself dreaming that he has awoken.

In my dreams, I can feel the warmth of his touch on my skin, revel in the embrace of his arms, and savor the sweetness of his kisses. I can hear him whisper words of love into my ear, painting a vision of warmth and connection that feels all too real.

Yet, when morning breaks, I leave the room, seeking refuge in the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I can't let him see me like this—vulnerable and shattered by my own emotions. Deep down, I sense that he can feel me, can sense the turmoil within me.

But I always return to him. I gather him in my arms, burying my face in the softness of his neck, inhaling deeply, trying to absorb his essence. Remarkably, this simple act helps restore my calm. It's a sensation like no other—he ignites a warmth in my chest, fuels an endless love that continues to grow within me. I could never tire of him; taking care of him is a privilege, not a burden. He's known such loneliness, and how could I abandon him now?

Despite everything, he still manages to quicken my heartbeat. How does he do that? I have no idea.

He is the one I have chosen, without hesitation. I don't care about his state—whether he is sane or lost in darkness—what matters is his presence in my life. I want him beside me, to share my life, no matter the challenges that weave through our journey together.

At least he allows me to be close to him.

He permits my love, my touch—and for this, I will forever be grateful.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I gaze down at his serene, beautiful face as he sleeps. Gently, I push his bangs away from his forehead, leaning down to place a soft kiss there. Slowly, his eyes flutter open, and I can't help but smile warmly at him, my fingertips brushing against the tip of his nose.

"Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?" I ask playfully, running my lips along the bridge of his cute nose. "Today, I'm taking you to see the sea. It's breathtaking outside. What do you think?"

I swallow my tears as I meet his lost and dark gaze.

"Today, I took the day off just for you. Mingyu reminded me today is your birthday. So, it will just be the two of us, and I promise it will be fun! I brought you so many books; I know how much you adore them. Tonight, I'll read to you until you drift off to sleep."

I pull him closer, cradling him in my arms, burying my face in the silky strands of his hair.

"Do you feel me? Can you hear me, my love? Look at me. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm still here. Whenever you're ready, please come back to me. Fight against the darkness that surrounds you, even for a moment, and come back to my embrace. I'm here, fighting every single day for the moment I can welcome you back into my arms."

"I will wait as long as it takes for you to take my hand and walk the same path with me.

I love you endlessly, my shining star."

As I hold his body tightly against mine, I can feel his heart beating faster—an exhilarating rhythm that fills me with hope. I smile, capturing his lips with mine for a gentle kiss.

"I know. I love you too."

I whisper against his lips, as if I can hear the secrets of his heart.

In that moment, after an eternity of longing, his eyes finally meet mine. Time seems to freeze as we hold each other's gaze, lost in a world that belongs only to us.

***

Next – Deviant sequel - "Lost in His Own Mind"

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