"He was a silent fury who no
torment could tame."
-----Jack London.
**********
E.H.
Fifteen years back...
Days progressed swiftly...summer glaily metamorphosing to the misty monsoons....with the Fall soon preparing to knock the doors...
To confess it was an excruciating torture to meet Blue every weekend, converse with her ,to be at her close proximity ....and completely disregard my searing throbbing heart just like that.
After that day,Blue had continued to be the same as if nothing happened...being herself not like some smitten teenager. That's really a relief,but it still does bother me that she doesn't acknowledge me with endearment.
She is back to be usual self again,working hard...completing her commitments here,regularly participating in seminars,conferences etc.Her schedule is completely hectic. Even her board results are soon to be announced with her other national competitive exams already over.
And coincidentally all this while I was with her.... I tried to read her,to know the real Blue...for one thing was certain she is not what she tries to portray...actually she is a fresh bud who is slowly getting decayed even before the Maytime, because ...ahh,nothing .
But seriously apart from all the mystery,she had been a bit aloof ,skittish and volatile these days.However the splendid thing amongst it all was that inbetween this time I got to meet her parents....and candidly I would be called dishonest if I would say they were bad....for they were great.Truthfully though I wanted to designate them my own parents as well.They were like a fresh wild drizzle .....the only hitch was their anticipation or expectations were too much suffocating... with gaps of unease and collision visible, and strangulating unvoiced griefs,loss and emptiness..... And they being too engrossed to dream still forgetting to add the reality jinx....
A bit weird combo....
Getting to know this bit was suffice for E.H....a delightfull torment of drama,love and a bit of everything(a flawed one no doubt) but anyway in regards to his and Blue's relation, it's far better to endure all the circles of Dante's Inferno than to face this.
And what can I say,the blazing ache is slowly disabling my entire existence ,my conscience and my spirit....
I have really fallen.....Dammit...
********
Eighteen years ago.
I can't do it anymore.
Hurting others affects the torturer more when he is conscientious....the scars never fade nor the shrieking stops to spook you....
I have begged him several times to end this cult of massacring and peddling....had he ever heeded?Nope....instead he made me do more heinous deeds that almost made me deskin myself....
And the nightmares always left me screaming and wailing....
Had he ever mercied anyone...let alone me,whom he abducted at eleven and drilled day and night....
Not believing.... but it's correct he is beyond realm of kindness,compassion....simply heartless....
He is the Devil.....charming and magnetic.... a malicious bane,a deceptive snake.....
For years I yearned for happiness and freedom but now all I pray for is to eradicate him,and liberate his victims.