Mandy

Mandy's POV...

It's been months since I've last seen Lily. She hasn't been going on her usual morning routine run lately. I've even been getting up extra early because at one point I thought maybe I was just missing her. Lily was the only person who ever seemed to care about me or at least I thought. 

"How could she do me like this? I thought as I rushed to my bedroom crying. I had come to believe that things were finally getting better for me that I had a friend that I could finally lean on. sure she's older than me, but she never treated me like a little kid.

A sharp pain struck me in my chest which wasn't unusual because I've always felt this agonizing pain whenever I felt like someone was abandoning me. I've always known not to trust other people, but I thought that Lily was different.

"Why am I not good enough for anyone to stay by my side? I keep asking the same question over and over again but I never seem to get an answer. My mom can't stay clean enough to notice what is happening around her, let alone notice what's happening to me.

I look across my room at a striking photo of my dad smiling affectionately while holding me in his lap and my mom tenderly caressing him on his cheek. That was the last picture we ever took together as a happy family. I had merely turned six that Saturday when my dad left me.

Flashback started:

My dad had dropped mom and me off at home and left to do something before my party began. I waited patiently for him to return as people began arriving. I felt like something was amiss because dad was never late when it came to him being there for me.

"Mandy stops worrying honey! Mom says. "You know your father he's probably somewhere getting you another expensive present that you don't need." She adds with a nervous chuckle.

Everyone was there except my dad. I cried incessantly in my mom's arms until I fell asleep, and she lugged me upstairs to my bed, carefully tucking me in. Mom gently kissed me on my head then turned on my bedside lamp because she knows how much I hate the darkness. Mom turned and looked tenderly at me one last time before walking leisurely out the room leaving my door slightly open as I go back to sleep.

The insistent ringing of the loud doorbell jarred me out of my peaceful sleep. I walked cautiously to the grand staircase and squatted with my slender arm's hugging my legs. I instantly hear mom talking vehemently to someone; I hear her gentle voice instantly begin to radically change into something that I've never heard before. A high-pitched scream then erupted into the air. A loud ringing noise pounded furiously in my ears when I heard the cruel words that I thought I would never hear "My dad was dead."

I felt myself being carried down the stairs at an incredible speed. As I struck the bottom of the stairs, I noticed my mom, pounding her fist on a local police officer's chest.

"Mommy, please tell me it isn't true! I frantically yelled, causing her to promptly stop hitting the police officer and turn towards me in slow motion.

"Honey, I'm not sure of what you're talking about," she tries to say, putting on a fake smile.

"I know what I heard mom," I mumbled. "Please tell me it's not true," I scream and cry bitterly as my chest feels like it was ready to explode.

Flashback ended:

The loud banging on my door immediately jarred me out of my thoughts. Already knowing who it was I yelled "what do you want Elliot?

"Open the door Mandy, you already know what I want. There's no need for you to pretend like you don't want me." Elliot says with an evil edge to his voice.

You see Elliot is one of my mom's new suppliers of what she needs so that he can undoubtedly get to me. Ever since my dear dad died tragically my mom has been hooked on illegal drugs in order not to deal with the debilitating pain of losing the love of her life. Selfishly I believed that I should have been included as part of her life, but I guess losing dad was way too much for her.

"Elliot, if you don't leave me alone I'm going to call the police," I yelled at the top of my lungs. I immediately grabbed the pair of scissors that I always kept stashed under my pillow for situations just like this. I've had to deal with low life scumbags like him every day since my dad died. 

Worthless pieces of predatory shit like Elliot were constantly trying to steal my innocence away, and some of them have been successful at accomplishing their goal. I can't recall how many times I've been violated by my mom's boyfriends. I once thought that it was normal and then I'd come to the conclusion that it was all my fault. The one person I could and would not ever blame is my mom. She was my only reason for staying in this miserable, wretched world until I met Lily a year ago. Little did Lily know she saved my life that very day when we collided together.

Another flashback:

That was my dad's death anniversary date. Mom and I had just had a massive fight about her drug habits and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I decided to end all my cruel suffering as soon as I got home from school that day.

I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and bumped into something that felt like a gigantic unmovable brick wall. Standing over me was a beautiful dark skin lady with her hands stretched out towards me.

"I am so sorry! She pleaded as she assisted me to my feet and began to help me pick up my books that were sprawled all over the pavement.

"No it was my fault because I should have been paying attention," I say, trying to get away from her as fast as I possibly could. I feared I might have a nervous breakdown at that exact moment. "What else could go wrong," I mentally berate myself.

"Hey, shorty are you okay? I hear her asking with concern while I move backward trying to place a little distance between us.

"Yeah, I'm good! I respond while forcing my tears away before looking up placing a fake smile on my face. 

"Well, that's the fakest smile I've ever seen," she announced with a beautiful smile of her own.

"Yeah, I guess you can say I'm just experiencing a lousy day," I nervously reply as I stamp my feet furiously on the pavement.

"Just take a deep, slow breath and think carefully about what can be solved by worrying. Giving up under no circumstances is never a logical answer! She suggests as if she could read my mind. "You're only defeated if you give up on yourself," she added.

"By the way, I'm Lily," she says with her hand stretched out towards me again.

"I'm Mandy" I reply reluctantly as I yet again pull away. We continued talking for what seemed like hours but in reality, it had only been a couple of minutes.

"It was nice meeting you Mandy and I genuinely hope to see you again very soon," she finally says as she turns and walks away.

At that very moment, I vowed I owed it to myself to never give up on life. 

Flashback ended:

I'm jarred out of my thought again when I hear Elliot's voice rises and his banging rattles the door on its hinges.

"Mandy, you will pay for this and I'm sure you won't like the adverse consequences of your actions." I hear Elliot says as he storms off down the hall.

I walked over to my window and sat down at my desk. Looking out my window at the three lovely bluebirds chirping outside. I sat there pondering what my life would have been like if my dad were still around. I'm certain it wouldn't have been the personal hell I'm enduring currently.

I watched as a little girl with two long ponytails giggled loudly while holding what I'm surmising is her dad's hand. Both were looking into the far distance at an attractive young lady walking towards them. I soon realized that it was my Lily that they were waiting on as I sat there observing them. The feeling of betrayal flooded through my entire body while I watched the three acting like a happy family. 

I felt like Lily willingly abandoned me out in the cold all alone to fend for myself. I know this is too much to pin on Lily but weren't we friends? Wasn't I special to her? I screamed in emotional agony as I walked aimlessly to my private bathroom.

Standing at the sink I looked in the polished mirror at my grave reflection. My vision began blurring with my tears and the pain kept building up on the inside. Tentatively reaching into my medicine cabinet I promptly pulled out my small razor and strategically placed it on my bruised wrist. 

I cried vehemently as I carried out the only thing that I perceived that would relieve some of my unbearable pain. I never cut too deep because I didn't want to die, I just desperately want to forget about my miserable life for a little while. 

Nervously I watched as the bright red blood flowed out of my arm seeping into the marble floor. I began to cry because I promised myself I would never self-harm again. Now it was too late for having useless regret. 

I felt my miserable life being pulled forcefully out of my tiny, frail body by a strong unknown force. I knew precisely at that critical moment that I was in deep trouble, I had cut too deep. At least it would finally end this endless cycle of debilitating pain and abuse and I could finally be at peace. "Who in this retched world would miss me anyway? Was my last thought as I drifted off aimlessly into a deep, dark place.