letter to myself

Why am I obessed with my future?Why am I not living in the present? Why am I not understanding that my present counts on my future? Dreaming helps but daydreaming never helps. Yes ofcourse talking to myself is not a mistake but doing that for most of the time or talking only to me is that what the problem lies on. Each and every time I make a good decision but I fail to stand by it,its like jumping into the same pit where I got up from. It is true to the words that life is a circle. It is my hands to decide the radius of the circle, greater the radius greater the size and inverse. when I look back at the circle I cannot say neither its starting point nor its end. Same goes with my life.I don't know where my problems begin and I doubt whether it has an end. My suffering is not visible to anyone else. My problem is nothing but expressed as nine letter word "LONELINESS ".These words may give a simple meaning of being alone but its pain sucks. I have started to love my pain as they say love your enemies more than your friends. Keep your enemies closer. I was pushed towards the room of loneliness. With no other go I opened the door and stepped in. Lets see what more does this chapter loneliness has to do with this phase of my life. Whether I'm going to overcome or drown in it. Lets wait and watch.