Greatest Pleasure (For MLBB)

Interesting! Since I like martis and this story was not bad at all. I think you've got a lot to offer as seen on your first four chapters. Story phasing was good. Is it me or Martis was like a diffrent person. So demanding Martis but so cute and cool. I also laugh at some conversation between Martis and Gale but seems too imfluenced by Kdrama. Specially that usual mumble of Gale... Am I right? Here are the downside. I noticed some lack on details from situations, to location, to time (genre) upto character information. Always remember that your audience are reading not watching a series. We see words not moving images. You have to atleast elaborate everyhthing inside your story. Also assume that readers will create their own imagination while reading your story. Try to spoon feed us by adding some information so that we will imagine what exactly you imagined yourself to your story. I imagined the chief as minsithar and the place like minsi's kindom or whatsoever. Then after it confused my imagination from words they say. And the way they talk are too modern than on what I imagine. At first I thought, Gale was also a guy and later finds out Gale is a lady. I can't clear out or I can't feel that much on why they feel so freak out about Martis sign on his head. Give some time to explain that. Your story is interesting and I actually like it. It just needs improvement but it has a potential so looking forward to next chapter. Btw added to my library. Goodluck :)