Volga and Andre

" W-where are we? " Andre asked while turning around himself to observe the area.

" It's one of the zones of the city who have been abandoned by the people due to their closeness to the barrier and consequently the outlaws, " Volga was still walking ahead, looking confident as she wouldn't even take a second look at her surrounding, as if it was not her first time coming there, " there is no one living here and no one dares to come either, so basically it's nowhere ".

The young man nodded his head while he continued running his sight around with a more thoughtful expression on his face.

Around them was the typical post-apocalypse frame one could see in movies, with wrecked and abandoned cars left here and there, trash cans and boxes as well as much various garbage occupying the streets, Andre even noticed the many black spots coloring the streets and the pavements which were the signs that fire has been set there more than once. The buildings, which were still high and steady were looking down on them as they were passing by, were testifying by their silence how lifeless that part of the city was. Andre also noticed uncountable holes on almost every wall he would pass next to.

[As I thought, this area has been the host of many battles in the past] he thought while running delicately his fingers on a close wall, revealing the traces of a past gunfight.

" How did you come to know about this place? "

Volga turned her head a short moment to glance at him, looking a little confused, before she remembered. " Ah, I see. You weren't there since you had left very early so I understand that you don't know. It turns out that, yesterday, the festival was carried on until night. Don and I decided to return but we didn't stay for too long, we skipped the party and he brought me here, he said that Lina was the one who showed this place to him, " Volga was talking without really paying attention to what she was saying.

After a short moment thinking about what she just said, Andre asked, " but for what reason Mr. Donald would bring you to a desert place like this in the middle of the night? "

Volga, who now realized what she just revealed, lowered, a little bit, her voice embarrassed and coughed twice before she tried to change the subject, " I don't think it's necessary to respond to that question ". After a few steps, she suddenly shouted as she was desperately trying to interrupt the run of Andre's thoughts so that he would not figure what Donald and she did the night before, " hey look! We've arrived. Come with me ".

" We have arrived where? And you didn't tell me yet what we're gonna do here ". He accompanied her inside the abandoned building whose construction wasn't finished yet. There only some few rays of the sunlight were passing between some cracks of wooden planks, which were left on the sides to play the role of windows and sometimes above them, and were avoiding them to be submerged in the complete darkness. They walked through a hallway before they took the stairs to go on the next floor which was brighter than downstairs since the upper floors were opened up.

" Didn't I tell you already? " Volga said while spreading her arms. " We are going to practice shooting, I will show you how to use that thing you're holding," she said while pointing to the gun he was carrying.

Andre glanced down at his rifle, looking confused before he declared, " but... I already know how to shoot ". He seemed to be a little annoyed by Volga's statement which was somehow insinuating that he didn't know how to use a gun.

Volga smirked, " being able to put the finger on the trigger and pulling it doesn't make you a professional at using a gun ". Andre didn't reply and so she added, " you don't believe me? Alright, try to aim and shoot at me ".

Andre was surprised, he gazed at her with his eyes wondering if she had not gone crazy. The woman chuckled as she could guess his thoughts. " Don't worry, I'm not asking you to actually shooting at me the security is still on, I'm asking you to just act like ".

The man still couldn't grasp the real meaning of her instructions but, anyway decided to obey, and so he lifted his rifle to aim at her with his finger on the trigger just like she told him. Volga suddenly moved swiftly towards him with a speed that didn't even let him the chance to move a muscle and before he realized it, Volga had thrown him on the floor.

" What was that? " Andre groaned while gazing at the roof not finished yet, he could feel his back hurting as he was laying on the floor and his two arms extend on both sides.

" Just wanted to show you that you're not so good to handle a gun as you think, " Volga taunted him while playing with his weapon in her hands, " did you get the time to pull the trigger, huh? Surely not ".

" But that was dirty I wasn't even ready," he complained after he struggled to stand up.

" Because you think that the enemy would wait for you to be ready before jumping on you? " Volga shook her head, " when you hold a weapon, you have to constantly stay alert on any potential attack ". She tossed the rifle at him and after he caught it in midair she said, " let's do this again. We will see if you can do better if you are ready as you said ".

Andre stared at her for a short moment as if he was trying to focus or maybe he was just trying to figure out what Volga was thinking.

After a deep breath, he finally raised his weapon but the outcome was not much different from the previous one. A minute later, he found himself laying on the floor while Volga was holding his gun, victorious.

" Well, I admit it, you may be right, I'm not so good as I have been pretending to be, and then? " He shrugged before he started cleaning the dirt on his clothes, " What is the meaning of this? What is the relation between this and the reason why I came to you? "

Volga waited for him to lift his head and look at her in the eye before she responded " just to let you know that you are not the only one who feels lost in this peaceful world. Though I was looking for it, I can't yet accommodate myself to this kind of lifestyle... just like you. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to live my life with Don but I can't deny that most of the time I do have the feeling that I don't have my place here and that's because I have lived almost my entire life in the battlefield, between violence and despair, so much that I can't help being afraid that all this happiness I'm living now maybe just a dream and that maybe it will vanish as suddenly as it came. That's why I sometimes think that I should not allow myself to enjoy it too much so that I would feel less hurt when it would disappear " she paused, " that is how you're feeling too, am I wrong? "

Andre didn't say a word but just nodded. He understood that, somewhere, Volga was also trying to tell him that his previous life must have been tainted with the blood and sorrow and though he didn't have any souvenirs of it that feeling remained in his heart.

" H-how did you do? How can I, too, get rid of that fear and live my life to the fullest just like you or everyone? " he finally asked while trying to hide to Volga how desperate and lost he was, though, at the same time, he knew that it was useless since he was convinced, at that very moment, that woman before him, could know exactly how he was feeling.

" You can't " she simply said after she put a warm and reassuring hand on his shoulder, " one of the things that Jamal has taught me during that journey is that there is no shame in being scared, whether by the night or by the possibility that we may lose all that happiness we have fought for so long to obtain. It's completely normal. What one should be ashamed of is letting that fear dominating us and holding us back. That is why I'm like this now... because I don't want to let that fear stopping me to enjoy my life with the one I love. Though I'm scared I refuse to let fear halting me to imagine a bright and happy future with Don ".

Though he knew she was right, Andre felt that there was still something in his heart that was holding him to be completely convinced, like if there was someone who was whispering in his ear to not believe her.

As to pull him out from his daze, Volga patted his cheek what made him startle, like if she just appeared before him. " You came to me looking for advice and wisdom so whenever something is bothering you don't hold back and speak up your heart," she told him as she felt that there was still something he was scared to ask.

" You said that, despite being scared, I have the right to hope to live a good and peaceful like everyone, huh? " he finally said after a short moment of hesitation, Volga nodded. " But if in my previous life... I mean before I lost my memory, what if I was on the wrong side... what if I was among those who were tormenting the innocent civilians? Would I still have the right to hope? "

Volga sighed, " that's your fear which is talking on your behalf again. Remember, you should not let your past holds you back- "

" But what if? " Andre insisted, he clenched his fists and gazed down waiting for Volga's reply.

The latter stared at him with compassion, she could understand how difficult it was for everyone to cut ties or reconciled with their past, and so she deduced that it must be even more frustrating for him since he couldn't remember his past and so he couldn't properly turn the page.

She held up his chin so that their sights could cross again. With her eyes filled with empathy, Volga stared at that young man who was not older than Carla and who was, somehow, giving the impression of a child whose life had just begun but was, yet, full of regret of a past invisible to his eyes.

Volga revealed a tender smile before she repeated, " what if you were one of the bad guys you asked, huh? " she paused, " that would mean that God really loves you ".

"... " Andre seemed to be a little confused.

" Look at the things this way, there are so many people would pay a lot to forget about their previous mistakes and shameful actions to restart a new fresh life. What do you think they would say about you? You have been blessed because God allows you to no more remember all those actions which could have made you give up on your own person. So cheer up, and be appreciative of that chance you have been given, you can now restart a brand new life ".

" I-I never saw it like this " Andre muttered, looking more impressed than inspired. Before he noticed it, he had stopped hearing that voice whispering negative thoughts on his ear, his eyes were no more filled with fear and discomfort, instead, a flicker of life started to gleam and his heart then was filled with hope. " Thank you very much ".

" You're welcome, " Volga replied with a smile she couldn't take off from her face, she was just feeling too proud of succeeding in helping that youngster.

Andre gazed at the weapon Volga was holding then at the bag of ammunition left a few meters from them and he couldn't help but ask, " So why did you bring me here with this stock of ammo if you could have just simply told me that? "

She looked at him surprised before she burst into laughter, " that is because I can't find the inspiration to say good words if I don't have a gun in my hands, " she paused until she calmed down while the expression changed to reflect the seriousness of the words she was about to tell him, " but... to say the truth, that is because, though I have told you that you can now live a peaceful life, that doesn't mean that you have to stay from guns ".

" What do you mean? "

" That means that since today I'm gonna bring here to teach you how to be a veritable master on handling fire weapons, " Volga said with enthusiasm while crossing her arms below her chest. " Don is always taken by his patients and I'm already sick of staying alone at home, it is too boring so I'm going to use this time to make you stronger ".

" But what's the point? We have won the war there is no need to fight anymore, " Andre made the remark.

Suddenly, Volga's expression changed and became serious again, " I wouldn't be so sure of that if I were you ".

" What do you mean? "

" Though I'm just 32 years old I have fought more battles than it is necessary and in the sight of my whole career, the latest one was far the most fearful and difficult I ever fought, " as Volga was explaining herself, she closed her eyes as if she was replaying the souvenirs of all her old battles in her mind.

Andre who still couldn't grasp the real meaning of her words tried to, at least, be positive, " so it's quite a good thing that- ".

However, before he could finish Volga carried on by exclaiming, " but, though it was the hardest war we have all fought, doesn't it seem for you like we have won a bit too easily? "

Andre remained silent without knowing what to say after that, he couldn't help but feel a bit lost after he just found a new hope to continue living there in that city.

" I'm not trying to scare you after all those things I have just said to you... " He suddenly looked at her surprised wondering if she had just read on his mind, " but it's just the way I am. I like to be honest whenever I can so that's why I'm telling you this, I have the feeling that it's not the end ".

When she paused and stared at him, he realized that though she said something quite scary her eyes as well as her entire facial expression was calm.

" Don't worry, " she said after she guessed what he was thinking, " God didn't forget us. I'm sure that Jamal is already working on a plan to protect us all ". She suddenly clapped her hands and changed the subject, " Well, enough chatting let's go, your training won't be easy so prepare yourself ".

She took her bag pushed before she started to push Andre to the place where they would practice shooting.