I'm afraid of the dark

When I say I'm afraid of the dark people respond with, did you know scientifically You're not afraid of the dark you're afraid of what's in it. But when I say I'm afraid of the dark I mean I'm afraid of the pitch black. I've heard all the monsters and vampires and gools that linger. But that's not what I'm afraid of. Silence so loud you can't even hear yourself think. Silence so quiet you can hear the static from your brain. Black you can't see you don't know what's ahead. Silence and darkness perfect for getting stuck in your head. Everybody has a different mind and not all think alike. Some may think of sweetness. And some think of sour and bitterness. And I'm not talking about food I'm talking about actions. Like the torture of every day being a human. It's not like I can escape from this place the light that shines down its as dark as the black space. Both can be quiet and loud at the same time. There's no escaping out of your mind. Your thoughts are forever until you die. "So why not pull the trigger and have the time of your life."  Simple story of what a mental illness is. Try to fix it but don't have enough money to pop the pills and get it over with. Have no more money, just to last a few hours and, and I'm sinking deeper down where no one could ever reached and it took me hours scratch that, years. just kind of feel alright. I can tell you I still hate my self. It's exhausting you're acting like I'm someone else, Because on the pills I'm mister nice guy chilled out bill but in my mind I think I'd rather be fine if I could just kill…see. The dark is fine until I start to unleash. I may be a bit dramatic. But this doesn't mean there's ever peace. My sanity's dropping but that's normal for me everyday. I can admit I have a problem so I don't need therapy. Because mental illness was always very clear to me. Only until I was in my teens then I could truly see. Deer younger self sorry I fucked up I ment to tell some one but I'm just another square cut. More like trapazoid I make my own desitions, but I'll still follow the laws to avoid any type of suspicion.