Chapter 1121: Gerard Was Here (part one)

Leena kept her vigil outside the study. She started to walk in, but paused for a moment. She was unsure if she wanted to do this just now. She walked in, and found Kevin at the computer, fingers pounding away at the keyboard, staring intently at the screen. It was obvious he was working again.

"Kevin," she began. When he straightened up and turned his gaze to her. "About this afternoon...I need to explain," she said in a small voice. Leena walked slowly over to the desk and paused near Kevin, her head lowered. She was nervous and afraid of how Kevin might react, so she didn't dare raise her head and look at him.

Okay. Go ahead. I'm listening." Kevin set some papers down on the desk, and then leaned back in the chair. He stared at Leena's pretty face with an intrigued glint in his eyes. He was very curious what she was going to say. She had his undivided attention.

"Well, I'm sorry that I didn't tell my friend that I'm married. But it's not because that I'm ashamed of you, not at all! It's just that our marriage was kind of sudden, and I don't want my friend to worry about me. I was waiting for the right time, and it never came. So I didn't say a word to her. I am really sorry that I ignored your feelings and kept you a secret. Besides, how was I supposed to know she'd fix me up with some guy? She said the blind date was for her!" Leena explained all this timidly, in a small voice like a kid who was caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. She knew she was wrong for hiding the marriage, and worried about what Kevin might do.

"Nana, come here." Kevin put out a hand and reached for her, beckoning her to come forward. Yes, he was angry when he found out that Leena's friend didn't know about him. But he was mad only for a moment. Once he calmed down, how could he ever really blame her? Her explanation made perfect sense, and how was she to know her friend was setting her up? So now, after hearing her explanation and seeing her sad face, he could not help but feel sorry for her. After all, she'd been through a lot.

What?" Leena slowly walked forward to stand in front of him. But before she could stand still, Kevin pulled her forward all of a sudden into his arms. She looked up in surprise and stared right into his gorgeous eyes. The man was irresistible. The feel of his arms, his scent, his warmth. But still her insecurities kept bubbling up. What was he going to do?

"Have you been worried about this the whole time?" Kevin put his arm around her slim waist and stared intensely at her, looking for every subtle hint of how she felt. He saw a mix of emotions, a confused jumble. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Yeah, I have. But only because I didn't know how mad you'd get. About what I did, about how I didn't tell my friend I was married, all of it." Leena looked away and avoided his intense eyes. She lowered her eyes and didn't notice the smirk on his face. For her, his enticing eyes were too gorgeous to resist. And she didn't want to struggle with her desire for him. She had to stay strong, open her heart to him.

"How about now? Do you know what's going through my mind now?" Kevin put his forehead against hers and forced her to look at him. He wanted to know what she was thinking and why. And he wanted her to know his mind as well.

"No, I still don't. That's why I'm still nervous." Leena licked her lips, because she found out tonight that she never really knew Kevin. That was why she was depressed. She felt like she'd been lying all this time, saying that she loved him, because if she really loved him, then why did she have a hard time figuring him out? She feared that she might never understand him.

Why? "We're not mind-readers, you and I. We can't just peer inside someone's head and know what they're thinking. Besides, people change their minds all the time, so you really can't tell what they're going to do next anyway." Kevin held her hands snugly, not too tight. As he did this, his eyebrows furrowed, because he found her hands quite cold, so he rubbed them gently, romantically, trying to warm them up.

"I don't think so. If you really love someone, you should know what they're thinking. If I have no idea what's on your mind, then how can I say that I love you?" Leena didn't avoid his gaze anymore. Instead, she looked at him with a frustrated expression.

It's not your fault, though. It's mine, because I never let you in. And you don't need to change yourself for me. Like 'I can't read you so I don't know what you want.' I like you for who you are, not a clone of someone else. Right now, my heart is open to you." When Kevin thought about this he always felt his heart break for Leena. She had changed. She used to be lively and outgoing, not to mention cute and adorable. But since he came back from his training abroad he found she'd changed. She wasn't as exciting or passionate as she once was. This was hard to process. Why had she changed? And was it his fault?

"But, don't you like girls that are more mature?" Leena was talking about Daisy. She knew that he had a hardcore crush on the girl. And though she couldn't be as calm and collected as her, at least she could make herself look more mature and sophisticated. Maybe Kevin would like that.

"Who told you that I like girls that are more mature?" Kevin was very confused. Where did she come up with that? It seemed that they really needed to talk more. Everyone changed, and they grew. You had to either accept what the other person became, or dump them and move on. 'They grew apart,' their friends would say. If one of them changed, Kevin would prefer to work through it.

But you like Daisy, don't you? And she's a mature girl," Leena said in a small voice. She lowered her head again as well. Right now her face reflected all of her insecurities, in plain view for Kevin to see.

"Okay, let's say you're right. Let's say you did your best to imitate Daisy so I'd like you more. But what if I really didn't like you? What if, despite your best efforts, you ended up a pale shadow of Daisy, and I still didn't like how you changed? And what if you lost yourself in the process, so you had no idea how to be you anymore?" He knew he sounded cruel, but she needed to understand. There was no point in changing her personality for him. What he really wanted was Leena. Not some fake Daisy, not some fake person. Just Leena. He liked her for who she was.