~ sweet ride

It's only been an hour since breakfast and I'm laying on the couch holding my phone above my face while I read. I love any type of romance that isn't abusive. The "dark romances" that romanticize abuse just rub me the wrong way. Nothing against the people who do like them but I love the fluffy feeling I get in my stomach when I read a sweet romance. I feel like reading has been the only thing that makes me feel normal. It brings my mind away from everything and succeeds at making me forget I'm just numb.

I wouldn't say I'm a hopeless romantic but I'm not going to lie and say I don't wish someone would come and sweep me off my feet. Who could love someone like me though? I mean if you ask me what's "wrong" with me I honestly couldn't tell you but I do hate myself with every fiber of my being.

Why? Well honestly I just feel annoying. Like I could honesty have the best conversation with someone whether it's a stranger or a friend but when the conversation is over, I walk away with the feeing like I shouldn't have spoken at all. I truthfully love talking to people and getting to know them and their thoughts. I'm not a judgmental person at all and I love learning about people's love lives or family's. It's kind of like reading a book. It opens your mind to the bigger picture in the world.

Now that my mind is open though I feel like my depression just gets worse. What's the point? The point in life? The point of love? The point of worrying? Everything ends one day, everybody will leave you one day. What's the point of waiting till your "time" and not ending it sooner? Is it really such a "bad" thing people make it out to be?

Personally I know for a fact that nobody would cry for my death. They might be sad for a bit and say it's unfortunate but nobody cares for me enough to try to make me not think this way. That's what it feels like anyways.

And what if I found somebody to love me? Am I even capable of loving them back? I'm such a selfish person. I only care about me and although I have a conscience, sometimes it feels like it's paper thin. If I wasn't such a little bitch what could I do with these hands so I could be a little more happy? Could I lie? Could I steal? Could I even kill? I dream of it sometimes. Wondering about all the possibilities that could mess me up as much as I feel messed up inside.

"Whatcha doin?" I hear way to close to my ear. I squeak while accidentally dropping my phone onto my face.

"Fuck!" I scream feeling one of my eyes and nose throb from the impact of it on my face. Fuck the damn phone might be light but it fucking hurts when it hits your face!

"Damn babe I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that" Faze says and comes out from behind the couch to crouch in front of me. He might have worry written on his face but I can still see the spark of amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I'm fine" I spit out kind of pissed he didn't think he'd scare me by coming up behind me like that.

"Don't give me that attitude boy. You won't like it if you cross my line." He warns while grabbing my chin in his strong grip and making me look him in the eyes. Damn if I wasn't sitting down right now my knees would go weak. The dominance in his eyes makes it impossible for me to look away. I bite my lip so I don't let out the whimper threatening to come out my throat.

"Sorry" I squeak out. Looking at the way he's staring at me it finally clicks in my head. He's a seasoned dominant for sure. He may seem happy and care free some of the time but the way he holds himself, the look in his eyes, and even the grip on my chin is most definitely from someone who was trained to dominate people. I would know since I was trained to be both a submissive and a dominant. Although I've never had a master or submissive myself. I only had scenes with some of them at the club I went to before I was sent here.

"Good, now sweet boy let's get some ice on that eye of yours. It's already starting to bruise. We are about to go to town to get a few things we need for the barbecue. Would you like to come with us?" He says while letting go of my face but taking my hand to pull me off the couch and towards the kitchen to get ice for my eye.

"Is everybody else going?" Id rather not be alone in the house especially since I'm new here. Plus I want to see the town they're talking about. Apparently it's the only one within a hour of the house. It's like he read my mind when he replies.

"Yeah everybody else is going and I'd rather you come with too because I don't want to leave you alone quite yet. Plus I'm sure you'll love the bus we take when we all go together." I give him a skeptical look about liking a bus. I've never had a good experience riding one of those.

"I know what your thinking but wait till you see it. I helped the boys refurbish and decorate the inside and paint the outside. I'm sure you'll love it." He says winking at me with a smirk I feel is almost always on his face.

Once we get to the kitchen he takes a plastic bag and opens the freezer to get ice. Once there's enough ice in the bag he wraps it in a towel and brings it to my eye while gripping the back of my neck to keep me in place. The warmth of his hands relax me and I find myself slowly checking him out.

I let my eye that isn't covered wander past his dirty blond hair that seems to fall in just the right way, down to his golden eyes that makes me shiver, towards his red kissable lips, then all the way down to his firm torso and muscular arms, once I get to the bulge in his pants I freeze. It's huge. Is he even hard?

I hear a chuckle coming from above my head and my whole body tenses. Slowly looking up I see those golden eyes staring at me while dancing with amusement. Before I can even think I feel my whole face start to burn. Damnit stop blushing! I try to tell myself but it does no good.

"Cute" Faze muses while slowly running his hand that was gripping my neck to the front of my face to gently caress my cheek. By now I'm like a deer in headlights completely frozen but also super flustered. I've never reacted like this before. Not even to any doms I used to have scenes with. I can't help but wonder why but my thoughts are cut short when he smirks and lets go of me while putting the bag full of melted ice which I guess is now water in the sink.

"Get ready and meet us out front in half a hour. We'll be waiting for you there sweet boy." He says while walking past me leaving the kitchen but not before running his hand through my long white hair. Good god what are the men in this house doing to me?

Faze wasn't kidding when he said the bus was pretty cool. It was slightly shorter then a normal size bus but it was definitely longer than a "short bus". The outside was black and covered with spray paint of different colors. Random pictures of animals and band names or even quotes are painted over the whole thing. You can kind of see who would paint what, just by looking at it.

The inside was literally like some type of "game room" there are bench seats taking up the front half of it but they weren't normal "bus bench seats". They all had rainbow fur covers with different blankets folded and hanging off the back of them. The back half has bean bag chairs and bins with books, toys, and game sets like monopoly.

"Kind of awesome right? We use it for trips. We can't afford to fly too often when we go on trips so we made this. It was Erin's idea, he's really shy but he definitely has a beautiful mind." Fin says while coming to sit next to me.

"Yeah don't you still gotta stay in a hotel when you go on trips though?" I mean it's not cheap to stay at hotels. I would know, my dads pretty loaded but he gives me a pretty small allowance. I usually have to split the bill for a room if I ever find a partner because like hell will I bring someone home.

"Yeah, we usually take turns driving if we're going anywhere over night and we like to camp so we'll usually look up places to do that for when we plan trips. We go a few times a year. We'll probably go in the next few weeks. It's fun you'll see." He wiggles in brows and actually shoots me a full smile instead of a smirk. I can't help from blushing. Fins definitely dominant just like Faze, possibly even more so? I don't know, it just feels like Faze has a softer side to him. Even the way he smiles makes me weak at the knees. Why does it feel like I'm super attracted to like everyone in this house? I'm not that much of a whore am I?

The bus goes silent as everybody does their own thing. Faze is driving. The twins are cuddled up together feeding each other some kind of candy. Erin is reading a book with one hand while running his other hand through Casey's hair who has his head in his lap and sucking his thumb while hugging a stuffed pink bear. Fins sitting next to me with his arm thrown over my shoulder. I have to admit everything seems super peaceful and relaxing. I decide to take out my phone and read a bit of the novel I've been keeping up to date with. It doesn't even occur to me that this chapter seems to be particularly erotic.

"Such a slutty baby boy spread out like this for us. Tell us what you want little one." the room is too dark to see much but I can clearly make out two figures standing at the edge of the bed staring down at me.

"He's right pup. Tell us what you need and maybe we'll be kind enough to reward you" the other figure says while they both bend over me, slowly rubbing their hands from my legs up to my chest. Four hands roam my body and even though they haven't touched my member yet all I can do is whimper.

"Say it baby boy, what do you want?" The first one says while pulling me by the back of my neck up so my body is fully wrapped in his bigger one.

"Do you need us to take care of you pup?" Says the second man pushing himself up behind me while whispering in my ear, so close I can feel his hot breath and lips ghost against me.

"Mmm daddy, master, pllleeaassee." I can't help but moan out.

"Neon!"

I jump away from the haze I'm in from reading and look around. I keep my hands that are holding my phone over my lap though, luckily I have enough awareness that nobody sees the little problem I got while reading.

"We're here. Get up so I can wake Fin up sweet boy." When he calls me that I can feel my member jump. I can't help thinking about what I was just reading, my cheeks are probably beet red by now. I'm lost in thought when I hear my name again.

"Neon hurry up so we can get our shopping done. Come on." Faze almost demands while holding his hand out to me. I really dont want him seeing how hard I am so I try to deflect his order so he'll go away.

"Umm I'll wake him up. Wait for us outside the bus while I do?" I try to say nonchalantly but I know it doesn't work when all he does is raise a brow at me.

"No hun come on take my hand, the boys are waiting outside already." He demands.

"I'm fine I can get up on my own!" I accidentally yell forgetting Jeramy is sleeping right next to me. When I realize what I've done I freeze and look over seeing sleepy brown eyes stare back into my own. I can feel my face instantly get hotter so I'm about to jump off the seat when I feel hands being placed on my hips holding me down.

"Well it seems like this wild boy has a bit of a problem." Fin smirks with a wicked look on his face, sending a knowing look towards Faze. Theres confusion in his eyes for a second before I see it hit him and he smirks down at me. By now I'm too embarrassed to defend myself and the only thing running through my head is I need to get out of here.

I bend over and bite the side of Fins neck. I hear a gasp and feel his hold on my hips loosen. Taking my chance I jump off the seat and make my why down the bus faster than I probably should have. I run into Erin who's standing with the others waiting for us so we can go shopping.

He looks shocked for a second but still smiles at me once he realizes it's me who ran into him. I freeze when I hear laughing behind me then pull myself behind Erin so I don't have to face the laughing men coming up to me.

"Don't worry hun, but you'll have to talk to me later about why you got that little problem, eh?" Fin smirks while walking past me and sending a wink my way.

"Your too cute" Faze runs his hand through my hair and puts a arm around my shoulder pulling me against him while we all walk, making our way towards the store.