Should We Thank That Jerk?

Tristan turned into a koala, his arms and legs tightly wrapped around Jake's neck and waist. He snuggled his face in the crook of his shoulder, hiding his puffy, reddened eyes. Although he was still hiccupping and breathing heavily, he had regained some composure. But even so, it didn't feel real. Was he dreaming? He couldn't help but bite his bottom lip, which he had already mistreated earlier, to verify whether he was asleep or awake. Unsurprisingly, it hurt. So, he was awake… Or maybe not? He could not trust his senses that much, as the dreams haunting his nights from his past lives included vivid sensations, such as pleasure and pain. What was real, and what was not? Sometimes, he could barely tell.

"Didn't Jake tell you not to hurt yourself?" Gabriel admonished, having noticed Tristan's antics. Because of his position, he could more or less see the boy's face. His eyes were hidden from view, but not his mouth. "Are you afraid you're dreaming?"

The child emitted an unintelligible sound, but everyone in the room understood it as a 'yes'. It earned him a deep, long sigh from his brothers. Whatever they said, the child would probably not believe them. He would need time to accept the reality: this outcome was everything but what he thought it would be. When things felt too good to be true, it was hard to acknowledge them.

Shaking his head, Gabriel pinched Tristan's cheek with just enough strength to make it uncomfortable but not painful. He teasingly said: 

"Still thinking you're asleep?"

"Uh-huh," the boy hummed, tightening his grip around Jake. 

"…"

The childish answer made Jake laugh as he ruffled the boy's fluffy hair. At the end of the day, Tristan was just a kid. And a kid should never have to shoulder adults' mistakes. It took him far too long to accept this, and he knew it wouldn't be easy to separate the current Tristan from his other selves as he grew up. It would be even harder not to compare them. However, Jake had decided to consider the child as another person altogether, and he'd stick to that thought. Tristan was not his previous past selves, and he would never be. Jake repeated this to himself like a mantra, and he'd keep doing so until the thought rooted itself in his mind.

"So," Gabriel said after a while, directing his attention to Misha and snapping his brothers back to reality. They were in their little bubble and had forgotten one little thing: they weren't alone in the living room. "I guess this was what you were hiding from me, hm?"

"Well, hum, yeah?"

The teenager averted his eyes, looking at his feet. Gabriel had a frosty look. Why was he annoyed? The man hid many things from him, too! To be fair, Tristan's secret was heavy and not easy to bring up. It was important, not to say crucial information, but so what? Gabriel hid worse! So, he had no right to be frustrated…

"I'm curious about something now," Stephan stepped in, drawing everyone's eyes to him. As always, distracting people was his forte. "If we consider your past lives and the past-time lines Misha and Gabriel went through, I wonder who is the oldest? I know Tristan still has the mental faculties of a child, but it doesn't change that he has two lifetimes' worth of experience, too!" 

"What are you saying?" Misha tilted his head, confusion flashing across his face. Although Stephan had intended to relax the atmosphere with a silly thought, Misha couldn't help but take it seriously. "Tristan has three people's life experiences worth juggling in his head, not two. So, he's probably the oldest among us in terms of pure, brute life experience. Unless his other selves died young. And I guess the third guy's memory is incomplete, so it doesn't count as a whole life experience thing, either… Meanwhile, Jake's other selves lived well past 90 years old. Hmm, now that I think about it, it's actually hard to say. Oh well, we can at least say that Tristan wins over Gabriel and me. I can't say the same for Jake, though."

"Mish'," Gabriel froze. "What did you just say?"

"Hm? You didn't hear? I said that–" Misha stopped mid-sentence, realizing his blunder. He frantically opened his mouth and closed it but couldn't find any excuses. After Tristan revealed he had the memory of his past lives, he relaxed too much and said too much! The child hadn't yet brought the third party up!

"Gaby, don't pick on your lover," Stephan chortled, making his way to the couch with the bandages. Someone's hands needed to be treated, after all. "What's so surprising about this? We know the masked man was another Tristan. Urgh, calling him Tristan doesn't sound right. Let's call him Pierrot from now on, instead. Anyway, we've already guessed parallel worlds exist, thanks to Jake's memories of the continued past timelines. However, I don't believe the parallel worlds are limited to only the ones you and Misha created by turning back time. There should be more – like, an indefinite number of them. Pierrot is probably from one of those. It just so happens that he's someone we know." 

"I think Stephan is right," Tristan whispered hesitantly, his voice weak and shaky as he added, "Once, I heard a disturbing thought in that man's head in a dream."

The boy paused, unsure whether to bring up that peculiar thought or keep quiet. He also didn't feel like saying it out loud, for it was far too disturbing. 

"Don't worry," Jake coaxed. "You can tell us, we won't get angry."

"It's just… Alright. Nevermind. I don't remember it word for word, but it was something along those lines: "The Jake of this world is quite different from what I remember. But I guess since he died young in my world, he hadn't had the time to experience life and grow. After all, he didn't survive the cricket incident there." That's, in short, what he was thinking."

"Cricket incident?" Misha repeated while Stephan and Jake, aware of what the cricket incident entailed, tensed up. "What's that?"

No one answered him. It made his mouth twitch. 

"Come on! Pretty much everything is out in the open now, so don't keep your mouth shut! What's the cricket incident?"

Feeling his brother's body stiffening and his breathing quickening, Tristan knew the memory of that peculiar incident still haunted Jake to this day. It would be hard for him to talk about it, so he decided to explain what happened in his stead. At any rate, Misha needed to know just how horrible people his past selves were. Gabriel seemed more or less aware of how bad his previous personalities were, but they had sheltered the teenager and didn't tell him the whole truth. Misha knew something happened. However, that was it. He had not extended knowledge of the horrors Jake went through.

But just as Tristan was about to twist his waist to turn around and face Misha, Jake nestled him back against his chest. He didn't give him the chance to explain, speaking first.

"It's one of the worst events my past selves went through," Jake coughed, trying to steady his voice. "Long story short, crickets were shoved down my throat and partially blocked my airpipe as they clung to the airway walls. They had to be surgically removed so I could breathe correctly again. In Pierrot's timelines, the crickets probably clustered to the point where breathing became impossible, and that version of myself died asphyxiated. Or maybe some complications occurred during the surgery. At any rate, he didn't survive the ordeal."

"What the fuck…" Misha stuttered while Gabriel, who usually had a poker face, couldn't help but widen his eyes in horror. No wonder Jake was scared of his little brother after such a terrifying event… And yet, he managed to open his heart to the child regardless. Gabriel suddenly had a newfound respect for his brother. His resilience was worthy of awe. Gabriel and, for what mattered, Misha, too, weren't sure they would have been able to bury the hatchet had they been in Jake's shoes, especially if that was only one of the many events he had to face in both past lives.

"And Tristan," Jake bit his lips, ignoring Gabriel's and Misha's dumbfounded faces as he took the bandages from Stephan and started to bandage the child's tiny hands, "I have a question for you that might poke at where it hurts. Can I…?"

"Yes, feel free to," the child forced himself to smile, "I'll always answer whatever question you have to the best of my capabilities."

"Alright, then," Jake responded to his brother's smile with one of his own. "Did you have a dream from when I met with Pierrot on the day of the picnic?"

"Yes, I saw everything that happened."

"Good. So, here I go: that man said to bring you to the hospital in your late teens." This was something that had been bothering Jake deeply. Now that he could have an answer, he wouldn't shy away from seeking it. "Do you know why?"

"Right, he said something like that…" Tristan frowned, searching through the many memories floating in his mind. Sometimes, it was a little hard to organize everything that had been forcefully packed into his brain over the years and pick up what he needed. "If I remember correctly, his thoughts were all over the place, but Pierrot seemed to be thinking about how if that thing is detected earlier and removed in time, just before it has the chance to do damage, then maybe my ability to feel emotions won't be affected, and as a result, my personality will end up vastly different from his. He found the perspective quite interesting, so he told you about it. I don't really understand what that means, though."

Jake, Gabriel, and Stephan all sucked in a deep breath. They looked at each other in dismay, guessing the underlying meaning behind Pierrot's thinking. As for Misha, he was left oblivious, looking back and forth between the men with worry. And then, Jake couldn't help but burst into laughter. Relief washed over him as he planted numerous kisses on his little brother's forehead. Tristan's upbringing in his past lives groomed him into a monster, but that wasn't the only reason he lacked emotions. Tristan didn't seem to understand why Pierrot had such a thought, so maybe his other selves never discovered something was wrong with them. Knowing them, they probably refused to seek medical advice even as their headaches became unbearable and drugged themselves with painkillers instead.

"Say," Jake asked softly, "did your other selves from the previous timelines suffer from terrible headaches?"

"How do you know?" 

"Oh my gosh," Stephan blurted out, his mouth hanging open. "You gotta be shitting me. And no one realized? Tristan, do you know if your past selves died young? Jake cut ties with his family in the previous timelines and doesn't know what happened to your previous selves after a while."

"Hm, I think they suddenly died when they were in their mid-thirties? They seem to have gone to bed after a bad headache and never woke up again. I don't have any more memories after that night."

"So, they did die young," Misha frowned, realizing he had jinxed it earlier. "Wait, why?"

"I think we know," Gabriel let out a wry laugh. "I'm suddenly wondering whether to thank that insufferable jerk…"

"I guess for that," Jake smiled, "we should."

Puzzled, Tristan stared at his eldest brother, whose tender smile felt even more unreal than before. It was like all the misgivings lingering in his mind were gone in an instant.

"Jake, what's going on?"

"It's nothing," the man reassured. "We'll just need to have frequent check-ups at the hospital when you enter your mid to late teens. And you'll have to tell me right away when you start to have frequent headaches, alright?" 

"Sure…"

If their hunch was correct and it was taken in charge early on, Tristan wouldn't change. No wonder the boy felt so disconnected from his previous selves' lack of feelings and horrified at what they had done: he had yet to lose his ability to feel empathy, unlike them.

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Edited by Clozed! ♥

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