The Burden of Love

"I don't need to share my reward with anyone." the blackguard taunts mercilessly, rubbing salt into a raw wound.

I scream in anger as both of us rush at each other, our weapons clashing furiously. My mind descends into a red haze as the painful memories return unbidden, the nights where milady decided not to pick me for companionship. She told us that this was a sacrifice that all of us had to make, so that a new order could be created, one that would unite the three peoples against the reign of the Tyrant.

I hated this proposition and for sometime afterwards, I hated Anri as well for daring to suggest it. I was a knight, not some common laborer or an uncultured brute. I was the one who defended Anri when the Tyrant's servants first caught up with her. Not the serving boy, who lay beaten in the dirt. Not Enma, who had at first decided to have Anri sacrificed in order to curry favor with the Tyrant. It was me who gave Anri her chance to accomplish something truly great.

Without Sir Castiel, there would be no goddess. But sacrifices had to be made, both for the sake of the world and for the sake of love.

After we had received our gifts from Salvation, there was no doubt in my mind that Anri would become the mother of the new world, a world where everyone would be able to live free. But to that, to lead us to our golden future, we had to accept that Anri's love belonged not to us as individuals, but to us as a whole, representing the peoples of the three worlds.

I had hoped that my fellows would join me in voicing their objections to Anri's plan as it was clear that we all had feelings for her, but once again, my hopes were betrayed. Enma, that muscle headed barbarian, had in his time as a prince acquired a large harem for his own enjoyment. He had no objections to a powerful woman doing the same, as long as it did not infringe on his own prerogatives. The serving boy had lived his entire life in the shadow of Anri, awed by her status and beauty. Naturally, he leaped at the chance of being Anri's consort without hesitation. That left me, the lone member of our trio, as the odd man out.

So I swallowed my discontent, and accepted Anri's suggestion. It was the only way I could get Anri to return my feelings for her. It was the only way we could save the world from the Tyrant. And deep in my heart, I feared that if I continued to refuse, Anri would begin to lose her interest in me. She did not love Sir Castiel after all. What she loved were the people from the land of eternal light. I was simply the vessel which she poured that love into.

And a vessel is ultimately replaceable.

The pain of knowing that the person you love will never love you the same way, I know it all too well. And that's the reason why I have favored Kira so much, especially after Anri revealed the Tyrant's plans to me. Kira loves Tensei. Tensei does not love Kira. He may desire her, but its not the same thing. Kira's heart will eventually be betrayed, and she will sink to the level of a pawn, doing the bidding of the Tyrant and sending this world spiraling into chaos.

Just like the three of us have become pawns to Anri, enforcing her will and serving her for eternity. At least the others have the blessing of ignorance to shield them from the fact that we have literally become nothing more than glorified slaves. No matter what happens, I am cursed to remember the truth. I am quick to recall the happy times our group spent together, travelling and adventuring as friends and yes, eventually as lovers. But that distraction is not enough. I can never forget the pain that Anri put me through. Once again, I am the odd man out.

I cannot save our trio from the destiny we have been drawn towards. Anri's hold on us is unbreakable, the red thread enforcing complete obedience. But I have enough leeway and influence to make a difference for Kira. I can save her from Tensei, from the Tyrant and most importantly, from herself.

I had first tried to keep Kira away from Tensei, first by guiding her behind the scenes to study under Trietel and then by getting her involved with the URI, but the Tyrant's influence foiled that plan. I then arranged for Kira's management to promote her career more aggressively, hoping that doing so would limit her interactions with Tensei. However, Kira had by now become completely infatuated with Tensei and obsessed with getting closer to him in the hopes of fulfilling her deranged vow.

This obsession would eventually drive Kira to seek me out, hoping that I would aid Tensei in his battle against his so-called brother. Despite my best efforts, Kira had drifted into Tensei's, and by extension, the Tyrant's orbit. If I could not avert the destiny that she was to face, then at the very least I could ensure that Kira would meet that future on the best possible terms.

With that in mind, I had originally planned to manipulate Kira into delivering Tensei to me and once that was done, an accident would be arranged to have Tensei killed. Kira might hate me for betraying her trust, but for her sake, I was willing to get my hands dirty. I would not allow her to fall into the same position I am in.

Then the unthinkable happened. The Perfecta was lost and Tensei awakened his full strength as a result of that battle. Naiberg's research also indicated that the only means of opening Salvation lay with Tensei. The Tyrant's influence had once again reared its ugly head, wrecking my plans entirely. We had no choice but to keep the boy alive.

And now the blackguard is here, seeking to destroy Salvation as well as reclaim Tensei and Kira for the Tyrant. A lifetime of servitude is all that awaits her if I am defeated here. A sword and shield, that is all I am and that is all I know what to be. But for the first time in countless generations, I have the chance of protecting someone other than Anri. I can prevent history from repeating. It is too late to save myself, but there is still enough time for me to save another.

A sharp pain blooms over my forehead as the blackguard's sword slips past my distracted guard and delivers a vicious slash. The blessing deflects the blow easily and I take a few steps back to gather myself. The blackguard smirks cockily at me, confident in his ability to hold me at bay.

I wipe the hot tears from my eyes and see the world in unparalleled clarity. For the first time in the span of countless lives, I truly, unequivocally know what needs to be done. The containers behind the blackguard open once more and a fresh pack of machines rush onward. I tilt my head upwards and allow the snow to rain down against it. As the Tyrant's minions charge harmlessly past me towards the laboratory, I savor the icy chill of the snow.

The sky doesn't care who lives or dies under it. Just like the Tyrant and Anri are indifferent to the fates of the nameless people of the three worlds. There is no point feeling upset about this fact. The sky is the sky, just as the gods are the gods. It is up to us, the people who live down here to make the best out of things. To make the world a better place, either for ourselves, or for the sake of others.

That is how the blackguard manages to live with himself. He had never betrayed his own heart in favor of an illusion. Whereas I fooled myself into thinking I meant more to Anri than I ever truly did. The worst part of it all was accepting her proposal, fooling myself that things would change, when they clearly never would. I slowly lower my head once more and regard the blackguard with my fresh eyes.

"You have come to a decision." the blackguard observes without any trace of derision in his voice.

I nod. Anri will never forgive me for what I am about to do. I am past caring though. I have paid my dues to her a thousand times over. What a relief it is, to finally acknowledge that Anri never loved me. To be able to turn my skills towards the service of a more noble cause.

"I am a cuckold." I say slowly, savoring every word, the sense of elation as the weight on my heart lifts.

The blackguard looks at me strangely as he says, "Uh, OK? Your point, cuck man?"

I don't bother replying further and turn my back towards the blackguard who is reduced to making bewildered noises. I run back towards the laboratory as fast as I am able. There's still time to save Kira. To take her away from all of this.

To change her fate.