"Same Old/Back At It"

Turns out, fighting in the cold rain for hours can make you sick. Even after a hot shower and a change of clothes; I'm shivering nonstop as Witch-Hazel sits pretty on my couch. She hasn't changed out of the clothes I picked for her either, but they're dry. 

My orange hoodie and black sweatpants do their best to keep me warm, but an unshakable cold permeates me to my core. Every inch of my skin feels raw as the very air assaults my being. 

Hazel offers a small smile as I stand before her. 

"Do you have a nasty potion or something to drink that'll cure me?" I ask, since it turns out I don't have any cold medicine. 

"No," she quickly answers. 

"Can you heal me with your magic?"

"No, I can't."

"… Are you forreal?"

"I deadass can't heal your cold," she adds. 

"Hazel, if you're messing with me right now, I won't be happy."

"You see, with something this, I'd be messing with your body's immune response and-"

"Alright, I get it," I cut her off before she launches into a whole explanation. "I'll just sit, shiver, and suffer."

"I'll keep you warm," she offers with her arms stretched out. 

Her smile grows wider. 

I'm sick. I'm tired. 

I'm too sick to stick to my decision about Hazel. 

I'm too tired to walk away from the warm sanctuary she promises in her arms. 

Part of me wants to be too proud to sit in her lap, to let her hold me. But a bigger, hungrier, part of me wants that closeness more than anything. 

That side of me wins as I ease myself onto the couch, between Hazel's legs, between her arms. 

My pride manifests in a small way as I grumble, 

"Stupid magic can't even cure a cold."

"Trust me, previous attempts have resulted in disastrous results," she tries to assure me.

"Uh huh."

Hazel waves her hand and a second later, a sheet from my bed floats over to cover us. 

"That's not changing my mind."

As Hazel wraps her arms around me, her body warms up as if she's a space heater. In defiance of the vulnerability of my skin, Hazel's hands glide gently over me without so much an ounce of discomfort. Her affection radiates throughout my whole body, chasing away the chill. 

I can't help but think about the last time, if ever, I've been held like this. Years of memories pop up in my mind, but nothing matches until the night Tamara and Koki'O found me and-

No. 

I won't think about that little girl.

That nameless child isn't me. She's gone. Has been for a long time. 

Grown ass woman that I am, I grab the remote and turn on a show I've been meaning to catch up on. I make it twenty seconds into the intro before my eyelids feel like lead. Hazel holds me closer, and despite knowing better, I hold onto her hands. 

I don't think I've ever been so cozy, so warm, so-

✨🔮✨

Holly falls asleep in my arms. I kiss the scar on her cheek and whisper in her ear,

"Sweet dreams."

I turn from the show she put on, something about castles and knights. Being back in IronHenge, I forgot how much I like TV. I search for the show I was watching before and scan through the episodes to remind myself where I was. 

Which one was it?

Once I find it, I snuggle Hollyhock closer and catch up on my show. 

As my arm falls asleep under the weight of the woman I'm holding, I grow concerned once again. Even though I feel and hear her heart beating in her chest, the absolute stillness of her body is always disconcerting.

Who stays perfectly still when they sleep? Her chest barely moves with her breath. She's like a corpse. 

I move my free hand in front of her mouth to see if she is, in fact, breathing. A small puff of air touches my palm. 

Satisfied with that, I put my hand back around her waist. I get a delightful surprise when Holly pulls my hand closer around herself while still sleeping. 

I watch my show as long as my eyes can stay open. Eventually, sleep comes and takes me to a dream where Hollyhock and I sit in an endless sea of green grass. The woman I imagine has her arm resting on her raised knee. Though she is dressed casually, her body language suggests she is tense; clenched jaw and narrowed eyes. She isn't looking at me, but at something in the infinite distance. Every which way I look, I don't see anything but grass. 

Then I see it, it's small at first, but it gorges itself on the grass and advances rapidly. A ravenous fire spreads across the horizon to eat its way here. Faster than I can blink, it moves to encircle us. My body can't move, no matter how much I will it to. I call out to Hollyhock as the fire gets closer and louder. The strain in my throat as I scream her name feels real, but she doesn't respond. Whether she can't hear me or is just ignoring me is unclear, but she doesn't move a muscle as the fire moves ever closer. The heat it gives off is immense, threatening to scorch our skin before the flames can even reach us. 

Still, she doesn't move. Hollyhock stares at the fire and just curls her hand into a fist as it gets closer. 

I gasp awake, pulled from my dream before the worst happens. 

Safe in her home, with her in my arms. 

Speaking of which, my arm and leg tingle from paresthesia. I don't think I've had someone sleep on me like this before. 

Can I squeeze out from under her?

I try in vain to wiggle out but surrender to my position. Holly must be really unwell, since she usually wakes up before me or at the smallest noise. She's still as a corpse still. 

The TV asks if I'm still watching, I go back to the episode I dozed off on. A few minutes later, the scratchy voice of Hollyhock says, 

"Is this the new season? Turn from this, I'm not caught up." She stoically sits up straight and rubs her temple. "Had a weird dream about you, which is extra weird cuz I usually don't dream. Or remember them, whatever."

"I had a dream about you too."

"Did your dreaming bleed into my head?"

"I don't think dreams work that way." Holly waves a hand in dismissal. 

"Ehhh, what do you know about dreams?"

"What was your dream about?" I ask her.

"You were a robot or something, and we were looking for a gear or an engine? I don't know." Hollyhock lacks the usual vigor she possesses after she wakes up. It's strange seeing her so drained. 

"My dream had no robots in it, so that's all you."

"Mhmm…my head hurts."

"You haven't eaten, I'll make you something."

🌿💀🌿

As Hazel gets up, I fight the urge to ask her to stay by me. She stands, taking her warmth with her, and I bear with it. The sheet I wrap myself in is a poor replacement. 

"You know how to cook?"

"I've mastered a litany of potions, elixirs, droughts, and poultices. What is cooking, if not the simpler version of potion brewing?"

"Wouldn't say making a beer is the same as making a casserole, but whatever."

Hazel goes over to my fridge and scans the contents before she makes a decision. 

The chill ekes back into my body and I shiver again. 

"When was the last time you were sick?" She asks while preparing something. 

"It's been a while… I think it was the same day I found out I like women."

"Oh, now I have to hear this story."

✨🔮✨

"This was when I was still living on the streets. Before the Bay Leaves. Before I had a name. I was dumpster diving; looking for food in the garbage, always fun." She sneezes. "I was going to pick through this one dumpster when I saw that it was under an open window. Music was blasting from inside. I climbed up on the dumpster and squeezed through, fell into a bathroom. Turns out I wandered into a strip club, sexy women shaking ass in thongs on stages to fast music. Flipped a switch in my brain right then and there." Holly coughs. "Couldn't stay long, as a dirty kid in a strip club quickly catches attention. Bouncer threw me out, and I fell on my face, broke my front tooth."

"... That's not how I expected that story to go."

"That's how every story of my life goes, Hazel." Holly sniffles. "Up to, and including, right now."

"Fair enough, but what does that have to do with you getting sick?"

"Oh, I went back to the dumpster and ate some bad fish. Genuinely thought I was gonna die. I still can't stand the smell of fish to this day."

"But a good fish meal can really-"

"Stop, I'm gonna throw up."

"Don't worry, I'll keep your dietary restriction in mind."

When she doesn't respond, I turn to look at and see she fell asleep again. I blow a kiss in her direction and go back to the task at hand. Unwrapping the steak I procured from the fridge, I look around for a mallet. 

🌿💀🌿

I wake up to the sound of hammering, but can't keep my eyes open any longer and blink. When my eyes open, a plate of food is held before me. 

"Did you just magic this up?" I ask Hazel.

"You fell asleep again," she points out.

"Why don't I feel rested at all?"

"Because you're exhausted. Sit up." 

I wrestle myself upwards to examine what Hazel offers. Chicken fried steak with gravy, string beans, and rice sits in a lovely display. 

"How do you even know how to cook food like this?"

"You think that IronHenge is so behind that we don't keep in touch with recipes around the world?"

I shake my head.

"Never mind, thank you for the food." 

We start eating in silence as Hazel turns on the TV. The food is delicious and being near Hazel is bringing warmth back into me. 

"Has anyone ever told you that you sleep like a corpse? It's very troubling." Hazel inquires. I nod in response. 

"Yeah, I've been told that a couple times. Not sure what anyone wants me to do about it."

Hazel concedes to my point. "Speaking of corpses. Are you sure you're okay?"

Hazel gives me a confused look.

"Okay, about what?"

"Hazel, you killed someone. Unarmed, looking right at him. That had to do something to you."

She doesn't reply for a while, but puts her plate down.

"What did you want me to do, Holly? Let him shoot you?"

"He was disarmed at that point. I could've handled it."

"Him threatening to kill you was enough of a reason to kill him," Hazel asserts. "Like I said before, it was him or you, and I chose you."

Her stern tone lets me know she doesn't want to discuss it anymore. I can't help but think that my influence on her is the cause of this. 

She picks up her plate and continues eating her food. 

What kind of person will she turn into if she keeps spending time with me? 

✨🔮✨

What was that about? Why is Holly so up in arms about it? Should I feel bad I killed a man?

I think having to ask myself that question, is an answer in and of itself. 

But I don't. And maybe that absence of guilt is a sign of something monstrous, but I know I'm right. 

Why can't Holly see that? 

She finishes eating her food and curls back up under the sheet.

"Hate being sick," she mutters. Soon, sleep finds her again. 

I watch her as the moments slip away from me. 

Destiny has put this woman in my path, and tries to keep me from her. Either through use of Arcanium's established rules, or the actions of others. An iota of doubt makes me think Holly is trying her hand at the same effort. 

Even so, I won't let this shake me. I decided that I want Hollyhock in my life and nothing will get in the way. 

Not even her.

A sigh escapes my mouth as I lean back. That thought felt more sinister after a second of self reflection. I shake the discourse from my head. 

I might as well enjoy this time I get outside of IronHenge as much as I can. 

There is little enjoyment to be had with Hollyhock sick; she goes in and out of sleep, shivering and aching. She lets me hold her close and take care of her, but I can't help but sense a… wall between us. 

It's not dissimilar to the edge she initially had when we first met, giving me a false name and gauging how much she could trust me. I don't want to believe it's going to that degree or, rather, that this is all in my head. Maybe it's just because she's sick. That has to be it. 

The day goes by quickly, and I grow annoyingly aware of how much time I have left before I have to go back.

"Holly, I have to go soon," I say to her as she trudges awake from another nap. "Since I don't want to push my luck with my new Mentor, it'll be best if I head back with time to spare." 

Holly just nods at that. I was hoping for more of a reaction, but I'll let it slide. 

"I don't want to leave you without a little something." I summon a concoction for her. The bottle is triangular with blue glass and a red liquid inside. "Here." I place it on the coffee table. "When you start feeling better, drink half of this. Wait twelve hours, then drink the rest. You'll be back to your normal self right away."

She nods again. 

I stand up and get ready to leave when I hear her say,

"Hazel… Thank you, for taking care of me, seriously."

"It was my pleasure, Holly."

"I'm sorry I pressed you about the guy, I just…"

She doesn't finish the thought, and I'm not sure where she was going with it.

"It's alright, Holly. It's how you show you care." I teleport out of her home and dissolve into the Leyline. 

Forming back in IronHenge, I feel more revitalized having seen Hollyhock. An air of zen finds itself around me. 

That peace lasts for approximately 15 seconds before Lantana finds me. 

"So, get into any trouble?" I shake my head. 

"Same old, same old," I answer.

"Why do I get the feeling you and I have extremely different definitions of 'trouble'?"

"You've gotten to know me for more than a day."

"In any case, I hope you enjoyed your sabbatical. 'Cause now I'm going to work you even harder."

"I'd expect nothing less."

🌿💀🌿

I haunt my home like an achy, shivering, mucus filled ghost. Are ghosts real? Probably, with magic being real and everything. Are werewolves? I'm going to freak myself out if I think about this shit without Hazel to reassure me.

…

Dammit, I miss her already. Why can't I just force my feelings away? That would make this so much simpler. 

A day passes and the ache and shivering have gone away. I look at the drink Hazel gave me, her melodic voice plays in my head, reminding me to only drink half. I carefully pour back the contents of the bottle. It tastes like cherries, which is fitting for its red color. A pleasant warmth circulates in my body as I put it down. I feel it go to the tight spots in my muscles and helps loosen them up. 

"I guess magic isn't so bad sometimes."

Feeling better, I chase after some chores. Laundry, dishes, and general cleaning around the place. I reward myself by vegetating on the couch and catching up on my shows. The time comes for me to drink the rest of the potion. I down it and within seconds I feel like my old self. 

I go to throw out the bottle but can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I wash it and put it in my cupboard. Another admittance of my weakness, but at least this one is easily stowed away behind some coffee mugs. 

Lying down in bed, I'm acutely aware of how empty the space next to me is. I inhale deeply through my nose and a lingering scent of Witch-Hazel enchants my senses. 

The feeling of her lips kissing me slips into my mind, and my body heats up for another reason.

✨🔮✨

After another day of sorcerer training and witch duties, I plop on my bed, exhausted. I start winding down, thinking over everything that happened. Without much conjunction, my mind goes to Hollyhock. The sensation of her hands glide on my skin as I envision her in bed with me. Excitement pools beneath my stomach.

🌿💀🌿

My imagination starts to run wild, fabricating new experiences where memory fails to advance. My hands travel in place of Hazel's soft hands to explore places she hasn't reached. 

✨🔮✨

I want more than just Holly's soft lips on mine, I want her hands in more places than just where she's touched me. 

🌿💀🌿

My hand drift down my waist, my fingertips slipping just under the hem of my underwear. Without realizing it, my hips rise up to meet the satisfaction I'm sure to give myself.

✨🔮✨

I arch my stomach off the bed, positioning myself on my knees. Biting my lip, one hand on my breast as the other goes to my inguen. Just thinking of Holly beneath me, reaching up my thigh, her breath and mine mixing, it's almost enough to drive me over the edge.

Almost.

🌿💀🌿

I snap my eyes open to curb the impulse. Sitting my ass back down on the bed, I move my hands away from my body, and huff in frustration. 

"That is not going to help me," I tell myself. The thundering in my chest calms down as I focus on my breath. 

✨🔮✨

I flip myself over and lie on my back.

I want the real Holly. 

My imagination isn't going to cut it. I need the real woman I love with me. I just know it'll be amazing. I release a breath I was holding for some time. 

"Just you wait, Holly."

🌿💀🌿

I reach for my phone and text Tamara that I'm ready for more work. Two seconds later, I get a call from her.

"Holly, you sure you're up for this?"

"I'm ready to get back at it."

Ch. 32 End