CHAPTER 10

My mum took me to the hospital immediately I had finished dressing up.

The hospital was not really huge but I heard that they had good doctors and were well equipped. The walls were painted white and everywhere was clean but I still needed to leave. I hated hospitals. They came with the feeling of doom.

I wanted to ask for a female doctor but I was not brave enough to voice out my thoughts

The doctor who treated me happened to be a man. He was tall, huge, really fair and good looking.

I looked like a kid as he stood close to me, then again I was a kid. I saw his name on the tag pinned to his lab coat. Doctor Tunji. I would remember that name for a long time. It would remind me of the only time I ever let myself trust a man and was failed.

He asked me to lie on a table and spread my legs open while he did what he did. I watched as he took out a cotton bud after asking my mum some few questions in whispers.

I felt very uncomfortable the whole time because he was a man. It was almost as if there was no difference between what ken did to me and what he was doing to me only that in this case his own act was approved of, and he didn't drug me.

I don't remember what happened next because I mentally blocked out everything. My mum was there so she could keep watch_but as for me I was done feeling.

I felt so tensed and frustrated, it was overwhelming.

I heard when the doctor said that Ken didn't only touch me, apparently when I was sleeping he did some other nasty things to me which I was not aware of, and he advised I take just one injection to prevent an infection.

My mum kept asking if I was still a virgin, like that was important to me. I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be anything good. I screamed inside at the thought of me not being aware of the things done to my body without my consent. It was the worst feeling ever not being aware of what was done to you, done to your own body.

I wanted to be aware of everything bad done to me. I wanted to take every single detail into account, every word, every action. So my revenge would be that of a broken insane girl who remembered every detail of her pain and would give it back in ten folds.

I took the injection the doctor recommended for me with fear and pain.

I didn't like drugs or injections. I was scared of everything including myself. My mum kept consoling me as I cried but I didn't stop. It was the only time I could cry without seeing myself as a weakling and I took advantage of it.

We got back to the mansion where aunt Lisa was waiting for us, she saw me in tears and didn't say anything. It was almost as if she was irritated by my presence it hurt me, it really did. It pained me how she changed towards me completely. She became so...so.. different.

My mum told her everything that happened as we sat down on the sofa and the only thing she could say was she should not have allowed a male doctor check me. 'Hypocrite! At least he didn't try to rape me Like the bastard in your house'. I thought.

I Didn't blame my mum for acting like nothing happened I knew that anything concerning her children in fact any human made her weak. She couldn't fight for herself, for me. I guess life made her that way, situations and conditions.

I looked at them with tired eyes when they started to whisper. They obviously didn't want me to hear what they were saying neither did I care to listen.

I didn't care for anything, so I slept hoping that I won't wake up the next day, or that an alien would carry me away in the middle of the night to his planet and we would fall in love and get married. My own fairy tale. A girl is allowed to dream right? even if it was unrealistic.

*****

The vacation was cut short and I returned home. To my town and to my friends. We stayed in Warri, in a street named denyefa. I heard it was named after an ijaw wealthy man.

We lived in a flat, a 2 room apartment with four neighbors including the landlord. We shared same step with one very annoying neighbour. We've been avoiding any kind of altercation with them for the sake of peace. But they are the worst neighbors ever.

The two boys they had were so noisy and disrespectful and they did nothing to correct them. It was their loss though, they would be the one to have to endure staying with stubborn kids their whole life. They thought that they were doing us but didn't know it was themselves they were doing.

My mum apparently told my dad everything that happened over the phone. When he saw me he looked at me with disgust and said something that killed me over again.

I don't remember it clearly but it was something towards the line of, "You belong to the world and that is why the things of the world happened to you." He wasn't sorry for what happened to me at all. All I got from him was nothing, just hatred towards me.

What did I ever do to him? I winced at the pain I felt in my chest. My dad was not the best of dads I knew that already, but what he said was completely unacceptable and I was never going to forgive him for it. He had no compassion for his own child. He was despicable.

I heard my mum say something like don't say that. But I was too far gone to make out anything that was said_ I entered the room and slept, but I didn't cry.

'Never again will I cry', I told myself. Only living people cry and I was not living_I was only existing. The only thing that kept Me Alive was my taste for vengeance.

Also there was the hope that one day I Would fall in love and meet the one who would complete me.