Two friends and there sexual experience
Women are chatting in office.
Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
*At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
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Italian Grandma's advice
A young Italian girl was going on a date.
Her Old Grandma said: 'Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy. He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do dat.
He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda.
But mosta important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna really likea dat, but don'ta let him do dat for sure.
Doing thata willa disgraza our family.
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted:
'And Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said. When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!'
Poor Grandma fainted!
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The Doctor's Malpractice
A young girl came back to Doctor and complained, "Doctor, last time you did my abortion, you forgot your sharp blade inside of me,"
Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"
Girl, "No but my eight friends went impotent, ten of them lost their fingers, and four of them went dumb."