It will never fit
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.
With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long.
And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.
And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
DON'T YA JUST LOVE BEING A SHOE SALES MAN
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The Paratroopers first jump
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers.
He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.
The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my ass."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over to the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, 'Boy, are you gonna jump or not?' "
I said, 'No, sir. I'm too scared.'"
"So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! "He said, 'Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ass.'"
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little, at first..."