These two ladies who often went fishing together. One of the ladies was much more successful and invariably would catch more fish from her side of the boat.
One day, in frustration, the other lady asked her for her secret.
She responded, "Before I get out of bed I look under the covers at my husband's penis. If it is laying over to the left, I fish off the left side of the boat. If it is laying to the right I fish off the right side of the boat."
Her partner then asked, "What if it is standing straight up?"
She replied, "I don't go fishing that day!"
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A man is having trouble with premature ejaculation so decides to go to the doctors for help.
The doctor suggests "When you feel like you are ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
Later that day he went to the store and bought a starter pistol.
All excited to try it out he runs home to his wife. He finds her in bed naked waiting for him. They get down to action and soon find themselves in the 69 position.
Moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
Next day when the man went back to the doctors and was asked how it went he answered. "Not that well, when I fired the pistol my wife bit three inches off my dick, and my next door neighbor came out of the wardrobe with his hands in the air."